Tragedy has stolen everything from Jared. Letting someone love him becomes the struggle he's not sure he can overcome.
The night shone through the windows like a million little silver fragments taunting him with their freedom. He was alone again, as alone as he always was every night. No one was going to walk through that door to save him. No one was going to whisper to him that everything was going to be alright. That would never happen for him because no one knew anything was wrong. He wore a facade every day he left the house. His brother didn't even suspect a thing although his refusal to let anyone come over was a little suspicious but that could be pushed aside, genius hermit that he could sometimes be. He wasn't sure if he wanted anyone to care or if he just wanted to be left alone, lost amidst his thoughts and tormented memories.
He could see the screen of his Blackberry lighting up every few moments on the table across from him but he made no movements to reach for it. He merely looked, his long lashed brushing his skin each time he blinked. He felt a heart wrenching need to talk to someone and yet he only wanted to push them all away.
His hands barely moved on the neck of his acoustic, his fingers holding the pick never inched towards the strings and the notepad he had out remained blank. He hadn't been inspired much and although he had made a million promises to friends, family, and fans he couldn't bring himself to let anything out. He would rather suffocate with his emotions than symbolize them so expressively the way he always had. He was alone, not even his music accompanied him anymore.
When had this began? He counted the days the way he did everyday like the memory of it had somehow escaped him. It had only happened a few months ago, the biggest secret he had ever kept from anyone and everyone. He thanked God everyday now that he could act, he needed it if he was to get by without prying eyes. But now he wished his own soul would stop prying into the depths of his mind, into the sorrow that pierced through him brutally. He wanted to be left alone with it, he was strong enough to handle it.
Heavily he sighed and laid his guitar down beside him and stood up. He grabbed his phone and made his way into the kitchen. He wanted to eat but he didn't really have the desire to make anything so he got himself a glass of water and emptied it swiftly, refilling it and repeating the motions. He leaned back against the counter and skimmed through the onslaught of texts on his phone:
'Jared just answer my damn texts" 'Jared where the hell are you?" 'Come on Jay tell me what's going on with you."
So Shannon was becoming worried. He felt the sting of guilt fill him for a moment that he was doing this to the one person who he had always been close to, who he loved more than he loved anyone.
A soft knock on the door broke his thoughts and he looked towards it with confusion. He laid his phone down on the counter and approached the front door. He contemplated ignoring it but the knock came again so he reached out and pulled it open.
It was a woman standing there, a small smile on her face as she looked up at him. Her brown hair was in loose waves down her back and her green eyes were magnified sweetly by the glasses she wore. He looked her over and tried to ignore the fact that she was beautiful. That the sweater dress she wore hugged her body perfectly and the way she stood there waiting for something to be said almost drove him to pull her inside but he withdrew from the idea.
"Jared Leto?" Her voice was soft, gentle.
"Who are you?"
"Your brother sent me over...told me to keep an eye on you." She replied, trying to get through into the house he seemed to be guarding but he stopped her but standing directly in front of her. "He's worried." She said, finally meeting his piercing eyes and nearly sighing. She tried to tell herself not to think about how gorgeous he was even in the state he seemed to be in. But she knew that even in his disheveled state with his dark hair a slight mess and his clothes kind of wrinkled, he was still the most amazing man she had ever laid eyes on.
He held her gaze, wanting to smile a little at the stubborn way she held his eyes but instead he let out a heavy sigh and stepped aside. He supposed the guilt he had felt earlier had gotten to him. She smiled more to herself and went inside. She felt his gaze on her and almost nervously she looked to him.
"What?" She asked, her tone coming out harsher than intended.
"Who are you?" He demanded, folding his arms across his chest.
She brushed her hair back from her face and nodded a little. "My name is Rowan McCarthy...I've known Shannon since he dated my sister and he wanted me to come on over here, check on you, be of help." She threw out Shannon's orders with a small shrug and smiled a little hoping that would somehow soften the nosiness of her position.
He shook his head at how ridiculous what she said was but if he threw her out he knew that Shannon would just send her back. So instead of answering her he just walked away from her and into the living room.
She went after him, looking around with surprise at the empty place. "Where's all your stuff?" She asked, turning her eyes to him.
He lifted his guitar and notepad off the couch, having already retrieved his Blackberry and then turned to look at her. "Wait here until I need you then, if you're going to be of some help." He muttered it before leaving the living room.
She stood there a minute, jumping a little when she heard one of the bedroom doors slam. She had expected something bad but this hostile? Well what had she wanted? She didn't even know the guy. She contemplated leaving but she thought of the way his eyes had seemed. How miserable he appeared to be. The usually stunning blue in his eyes had somehow dampened and his entire attitude had changed. She felt a bit of compassion forming inside of her and that's what led her to sit on the couch and curl her legs up beneath her. Just waiting until he needed her, as if that day would ever come.