The first week of CosmicZombie's Music and Words.
The Kids From Yesterday - I Still Remember.
I still remember the crayon drawings of people with no bodies and spikes for hands. Milk and fruit time and when we all went crazy because Elijah could walk and drink at the same time, a feat I still can't manage without spilling the drink everywhere.
I still remember playing that Santa game with the piece of pipe sticking from the ground in the secret garden. Or the nativity plays at Christmas; old, itchy costumes and annoyingly over enthusiastic teachers. That one time when Holly played Goliath with that ridiculous hat on her head and all the times I was Mary and Corey was Joseph, shudder.
I still remember when I tripped over the chair in class two and knocked my two front teeth out. I bled like crazy but didn't even cry. All the times me and Megan snuck out of Mrs. Greg's class and into the toilets, just to have a laugh.
I still remember when I had to read a passage from the Bible at the Christmas service, but got so nervous I started crying and Mrs. Thomas gave me some chocolate.
I still remember the hours I spent playing Croc or Rugrats or Time Splitters with my brother, even though he always beat me. All the times I played forty forty with my cousins.
I still remember all the petty fallouts and the tears we shed, young and stupid. The meetings with the teachers to resolve the pointless problems.
I still remember the Sunday's spent on muddy football fields watching a game I didn't really care about. All the times we went camping at car shows, fifties music and the smell of petrol everywhere.
I still remember my first term of secondary school, the depression and sadness and the way I drifted from my friends. Losing contact with people that once meant the world to me, seeing them stop caring.
I still remember the summer of 2010, the good times and jumping and Morrab Gardens, a place which is still my second home. Feeling so happy all the time, not a care in the world.
I still remember first becoming friends with Madison and Ellie and Susannah and Lowenna, how happy I was to finally have been excepted.
I still remember the first time I cut, shallow and stinging. All Madison did to try and help me through, to get me to stop, which I did. Until I started again.
I still remember the arguments, doors slamming and plates smashing, awkward silences over dinner. I still remember when my mum moved out, leaving me to live with a man I loathed.
I still remember crying alone almost every night, never even bothering to wipe away the tears before falling asleep. All the fake smiles I still give to this day, just telling every one I'm okay because it's easier.
I still remember trying to take my own life, more then once. I still remember the way I told Ellie that the wounds she caught a glimpse of were eczema
I still remember the time I really told Una how I felt, and how we laughed that our lives were turning into an episode of Skins. The way she said she'd help me, the way she is helping me.
I still the remember the good times, the trips to the cinema, outings to Lidl, the gigs, hours spent lying in the grass in Morrab. All the hope I feel when I'm with the people I love most.
I hope I still remember all this in the future. I hope I still have the hope and the love I have now. I hope I still hold all these people and places dear.
Fuck being the Kids From Yesterday, we're the Kids For Tomorrow.