Frank reflects on his past years. For CosmicZombie's music and words!
The Kids From Yesterday (Music and Words)
I sat in my den, looking carefully through the leather bounded photo albums I had made through the years of being in the band. Each picture told a different story, each smile brought a new smile to my own face remembering my so called glory days. Jamia had helped put these together over the years, at first she said it kept her company when the band first started and we were always the road, it kept her from feeling so lonely. But as the years went on it became a fun family activity that her, Cherry, and Lily did when I was away. When the band ended I was able to help out, which I was so excited about. I loved looking at each picture almost reliving the great moments that were made. Whether it was a picture of me shredding on the guitar, and rolling all over the ground. Or an old picture of Bob banging on the drums like no tomorrow. I still had the feeling of accomplishment, like what we did really was important. I always was a huge fan of our message that was strongly against suicide. Especially since my best friend Gerard had been through a roller coaster ride with that sort of thing, but in the end he came out so strong. We had a good run, 20 years. I wish it could’ve lasted for the rest of my life, but due to certain incidents it wasn’t able to be that way….
“Frank hun, dinner is almost ready.” I heard Jamia call from the other room.
“Okay babe, I just need a minute or two.” I called back.
It was great to able and sit down and eat dinner with my family consistently now. The past ten years I had resorted to gas stations, cold pizza, and frozen foods to be my dinner. Now every night I had a hot meal waiting for me. Cherry and Lily were 13 now and were growing into such beautiful girls, I couldn’t have been more pleased with how well they are turning out, considering that I wasn’t around as much as I would have liked to been. I don’t know what would have happened if Jamia wasn’t here. Well one I probably wouldn’t have kids, but she has been a more than perfect mother and wife. Lynz and Bandit came around a lot to have play dates, and we got to catch up with Lynz on how she was doing which was really great.
I turned to the next page in the photo album; the first picture was a picture of me and Gerard. It had to be during the Revenge era because he had his long black hair but there were weird hints of green in it. I never knew what he was gonna do next to his head. But he looked relatively normal compared to me. I had e the sides of my head dyed and shaven. Then I had these X’s over my eyes that had looked sweated off. From what the picture showed we had just finished a show, and Gerard and I had our eyes shut and smiled widely at the camera. I laughed at our ridiculous hair and cheesy expressions. I felt tears welling up in my eyes missing these happy times. Missing Gerard.
I always tried to avoid thinking about Gerard, and what happened between us. After we had finished touring with Danger Days and everything had died down a bit we all got back into the studio. But it seemed we had changed our thinking of where we wanted our next album to go and we just couldn’t seem to agree on anything anymore. Gerard and I were constantly butting heads with ideas, and eventually are creative differences turned into to animosity towards each other. But despite everything the band still stayed together, and we pushed out another awesome album that our fans loved. But it wasn’t the same. The unity that used to be there was gone. We were all straying into different directions, we all had families. We were tired, exhausted, but we kept pushing through the trenches. Each day we had a new fight, they were all stupid. One time Gerard and I fought over who was gonna eat the last apple. We got through what we didn’t know would be our final tour. We separated again and went back to our families. I thought this time and space would smooth things out with Gerard and I, but that wasn’t the case. Gerard and I didn’t speak. He wouldn’t answer my calls, and if Bandit came over he wouldn’t stay. I didn’t know what was up, but I figured it was best to just let everything run its course. I missed my best friend though. I missed doing stupid things with him, having talks about our futures, and just laughing. I didn’t know what was going on, but I wasn’t going to push anything.
“Frank! Are you gonna come eat?” Jamia asked again.
“Actually, I’m not all that hungry.” I sighed. I just wanted to sit here and reminisce now.
I looked back down at the book and saw another picture of Gerard and I, this time he had bright red hair and was wearing ridiculously tight leather pants. I was wearing my white t-shirt that I had written the word Dracula on, and there was a cape around my neck. We were smiling and were just about ready to go on stage for the Honda-Civic Tour in Charlotte.
I jumped back to the train of thought I was in before. Months had passed and Gerard and I just weren’t talking. He would drop Bandit off and he seemed out of it to me. His once bright hazel eyes looked dull and lifeless. He barely spoke and he never smiled. I was starting to become concerned that his depression had crept back up again. I wanted to ask him about it but I figured he won’t speak to me. Then one day he showed up smiling and playful with Bandit. I smiled glad that he was happy, and he looked up to me and spoke. I remember our entire conversation
“Hey Frank.” He smiled slightly.
“Hey Gerard, how’ve you been?” I replied happily that he was speaking to me again.
“Okay, I’m sorry I have been so distant. I’ve missed you.” He admitted.
“I’ve missed you too Gerard, it’s been crazy us not being friends. I don’t know how it happened, but I wanna get back to where we were.”
“Yeah me too, I’m really sorry Frank.” He said, as he came and roped me into a hug.
“Don’t worry about it, it’s the past now.” I said, I could have sworn I heard him cry a bit. But when we released from the hug he seemed fine.
“Well I gotta go. There is something I need to take care of. I’ll see you Frank. I am glad we talked.”
I remember Gerard sounding so genuine, and I guess I remember that conversation, because that was the last conversation I ever had with Gerard Way. Gerard committed suicide that day. Lynz walked in and found him lifeless in the bed. He overdosed on his medication.
Thinking about made me ball uncontrollably, which is why I never wanted to think about it. I
remember Lynz coming over to get Bandit, and she pulled Jamia and I into the kitchen and told us. The three of us were in a stage of shock. I just couldn’t believe that after the battle he had fought, after so many lives he saved that he couldn’t escape from his own black hole. I blamed myself for months, thinking that if I would’ve reached out to him, he would still be here. But Lynz assured me there was nothing I could have done; Gerard fought so hard for so long he just became burnt out and tired.
“Frank what’s wrong? You never sit in here alone this long.” I heard Jamia come into the den.
“Nothing, just looking at pictures.” I sniffled and wiped the tears away from my face, but they were quickly replaced by more.
“Oh Frankie” She immediately knew what was wrong. Jamia came over and sat on the edge of the desk and took the photo album and placed it next to her. She then took my hands in hers, and looked at my lovingly.
“I know you miss him, we all do. But nothing could’ve changed it, and he did such amazing things while he was here. You have to remember the great times, not this one moment of impulsivity that changed everything. He will always be with you Frank, I know you’ll never forget him, and that’s a good thing.” She wiped the tears away again, and kissed me gently on my forehead.
“I know it just gets so hard. But thanks, I love you so much.” I pulled her onto my lap and hugged her tightly, letting her comfort me.
“I love you too. But I’ll let you have your time, just come sit with me in the living room when you’re ready.” She kissed me on the lips and left.
I looked through the book one more time, carefully examining Gerard’s face, wondering why when he looked so happy on the outside he was hurting so much on the inside. But I was happy he was at peace now and was truly happy. I closed the album and put it on the shelf.
“A year has passed but I still feel the way I did the day you left Gee, I miss you and will never forget.” I whispered into the air as I left the room, knowing that Gerard would always be with me, and I was beyond grateful for that.