[Music and words] Gerard still loves Frank. The moment he has dreamed about finally comes, but he doesn't feel as he expected he would.
When we were young we used to say, that you only hear the music when your heart begins to break.
When I wrote that line I wrote it for him. When we were younger I started that saying. It’s true, I felt that. When Frank broke my heart, the songs made sense I could really hear what they were meaning. I never did find out why he wanted to break up, he never told me. I knew he was upset about it as he held back the tears as he said those two words. It’s over. Then the next day I had a text message begging for us to still be friends. Of course I couldn’t say no to him. I can never say no to him.
I’m still not over him, my heart still breaks that tiny bit more when I see his face. Sometimes I like to pretend he’s not over me either, I make these fantasies where he screams at me ‘I STILL LOVE YOU.’ Where we have these magical moments and we’re finally together again. I don’t know why, it just hurts me more. Hurts me because I know it will never happen, that he will never want me back.
I still have hope though, after 10 years he still isn’t dating anyone else. The guys are forever asking him why he never is with anyone. He just shrugs it off and says “I’m waiting for the right person guys.” Then in my head I scream. Let me be that person. Please.
I haven’t dated anyone else either, but the guys never tease me about it because all of them know that I still love him, that I’ll probably always love him. Well Frank sometimes asks, because he is an oblivious guy. When he does ask I stutter out some sort of excuse about just not being interested in anyone that seems to want to throw their selves at me. He then shoves my shoulder and tells me that I’ll find someone eventually.
When ‘The Kids From Yesterday’ came to a close, I shouted down the microphone to open into our next song. We were playing I’m not okay and Frank walked over to me in Ray’s guitar solo, he grabbed the back of my head and pulled my head down so that my lips met his. It only lasted a few seconds, but it was a glorious few seconds. I managed to compose myself before I had to start singing. I knew I wasn’t singing at my best any more, but I couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss I just didn’t know if it was for him, me or the fans.
As the set finished I had made up my mind, he just wanted to do a bit of stage gay for the fans, bring back something that drives them wild.
Well that was what I thought until we got onto the bus. Bending down, getting something out of my bunk, Frank came up behind me and squeezed my ass. As he did so I lifted up so quickly, forgetting that I was half in my bunk, and banged my head. I heard Franks adorable giggle from behind me. I removed myself from the bunk and glared at the shorter man, who just smirked back.
"Can I help you?" I sighed, not really understanding what Franks game was.
Frank put his finger on my chest and slowly brought it down to the waistband of my jeans. I let out a shaky breath, not being able to help it. "Not really Geetard." he giggled then walked off. What the hell is up with him?
I climbed into my bunk and pulled out my sketch pad. I continued the drawing of Frank I had started yesterday.
An hour later I was adding the final details, knowing that none of the guys would look through my pad I wrote down my feelings for the younger guitarist.
Never could I ever
Stop loving you
You mean everything to me
These words I write are true
As I was wondering what to wrote next I hadn't realised the curtain had been pulled open, my work on display for the person to see. I only realised when I heard the quiet whisper of Frank "Holy shit." my head snapped up to meet his, which were wide open, as was his mouth. He stepped backwards. "Gerard that picture is amazing." Then his eyes glanced to the bottom, I quickly hid the picture away from him, glad that he hadn't seen the words already. "Gerard what did it say at the bottom."
I looked away from him and stuttered out a reply. "N-nothing."
He looked at me confused. "Well it was obviously something, please let me see." I couldn't look at him because I knew he would be giving me the puppy dog eyes, and I just wouldn't be able to resist that.
I got out of my bunk, still not making eye contact. "No Frank."
Oh shit. What am meant to say to that? "Fine." Luckily we were at a stop so I could walk off the bus. I gave him the sketch pad then turned around. I opened the door and stepped out into the chilly night.
I heard a faint 'wait' come from inside the bus but I just continued walking forward. "Gerard, please wait." I didn't look back, I can't take the rejection just yet, I need to prepare myself. "GERARD I STILL LOVE YOU TOO." That made me stop. I didn’t turn around though. I heard him running towards me, and then the next thing I knew he was looking up at me. “I mean it, I never stopped loving you.” I could see that he meant it by the look in his eyes, but it still didn’t make much sense to me.
“How could I not Gerard. You’re beautiful, talented, funny, smart, hot, and so much more.” I blushed and looked away. He grabbed my chin and gently moved my head so that our eyes met. “I know all those years ago I ended it, I never wanted to, but I honestly thought I was doing the right thing. I know now that it wasn’t, every single day since then I regretted it. I was going to tell you at some point this week, I figured, you haven’t dated since me so maybe, just maybe you might still like me.”
“You broke my heart Frank.” I felt tears running down my face. “You hurt me so badly.”
“I know Gerard. I don’t expect you to forgive me. At least now we know how the other feels. It’s up to you what happens next.”
“I don’t know what I want Frank. I have pictured this moment so many times. I just don’t feel how I thought I would. Part of me wants to just grab your face and kiss you till neither of us can breathe.” He chuckled at that. “Yet the other part of me is saying what if he hurts you again.”
Frank nodded slightly. “Well when you do know, you know where I am.” He started to walk back to the bus. He stopped and turned around. “But can I do something that may help your decision?” I just nodded at him, slightly confused. He walked over to me and put his hand onto my cheek gently bringing my face to his. Our lips connected and it felt like home. Nothing could beat this feeling. I wrapped my arms around his waist, and he kept the kiss slow and loving. I could feel everything he felt for me in this simple action. I had made up my mind, I knew what I wanted, what I needed.
I don’t know how long we stood there. I know we would have been there longer if it wasn’t for Mikey. “Frank, Gerard. We’re moving soon!” He shouted from inside the bus.
We pulled apart and looked into each other’s eyes. "I hope that helped." Frank whispered.
"Yeah, it really did. Frank I want to be with you. I don't care what it leads to. I just want you to be mine."
He smiled. "I've always been yours Gee."
“I think we better go.” I whispered. He just nodded but didn’t make a move. I chuckled quietly. “Now?”
“Sorry.” He whispered back. “I just never want this moment to end.”
“Me neither. But nothing lasts forever.”
“I know one thing that will.”
He smiled. “Us.”
I smiled back at him. “Yeah, you’re right we will. Forever.”