Drunken words are sober truths.
“Hold still.” Giggling filtered through the air and it took me minutes before I realized it was me that was giggling like a school girl with an obscene crush.
Isabella had a huge, drunken smile plastered on to her beautiful face. I watched as the smile grew bigger, the skin around her mouth stretching. She had faint dimples, which was something I hadn’t noticed before tonight. Her fair skin bruised darkly, making it look even worse than it actually was. “What are you doing Frankkie?” I paused at the nickname and smiled, adoring it.
“I’m drawing whiskers on you because you’re as cute as a fucking cat.” The pen in my hand shook and I knew the whiskers were far from straight.
Isabella’s tone changed and I wasn’t drunk enough to miss the change, “Do you … like cats Frank?”
I licked my lips and dropped the pen, “I do.” Was she for real? Was I for real? I wanted her. I wanted her so bad. It was the only thing running through my drunken mind at the moment.
I heard Gerard snort and Mikey was quietly singing to his goldfish. We were free to go somewhere alone. We were free to be together. Did we want to be together? All of the questions hurt my head and I pushed them away, waiting for Isabella to make the decision. I couldn’t even come to grasp at the fact that she wasn’t in any position to make that decision.
Isabella moved closer, reaching her hand out. I quickly took her hand in mine, running my fingers over her soft skin. “I like them a lot.” I added, staring at her adorable face. The marker would probably be a little difficult to remove but that wasn’t really what I was thinking of.
“I’m more of a dog person.” Isabella whispered in a smoky tone that made goose bumps begin to take over my body. I thought of when a girl at school had called me a ‘dog’ and I couldn’t help but grin.
“I’m willing to be a cat for you.”
Isabella shook her head and I wanted so desperately to know what was going through her head at that very minute, “I don’t want that.”
“What do you want?” Please say you want me because I want you.
I watched as her lips began to quiver, forming the words I didn’t know I wanted to hear so badly until they’d been spoken, “I want you.” She hesitated at the end, crossing her arms over her chest protectively.
I felt as if I was beginning to sober up but from the way Isabella swayed as she attempted to get closer to me showed me that she wasn’t ready for this step, nor for this conversation. When had I ever cared if a girl was drunk during sex though? As I looked at Isabella I tried to find a piece of me that wouldn’t care in the morning but I couldn’t. The truth was she’d gotten to me already and I knew that after knowing her for such a short period of time… If I already felt this way about her then worse would happen if I knew her for longer. She was just that type of person that one could feel for. She wasn’t easily hate-able with her perfect smile, and she was hard to be mean to though I’d tried. Even when I was rough around the edges she didn’t cringe, nor did she play games with my words.
She was just Isabella and I loved that about her.
Could I really do this to her?
“Gerard’s room is downstairs.” I mumbled, grabbing for the bottle of vodka on the counter in front of me.
I couldn’t push these feelings away while sober but if I got drunk enough I knew I wouldn’t care. Isabella wanted me right now. I couldn’t tell if she’d ever want me again but I wanted her too badly to turn away from this opportunity.
“Frankie?” My name coming from her lips sounded so insecure and all I could think of was Isabella walking the halls, confidently taking each step as if she could see clearly. I could see through her facade but when had she let it drop for the rest of the world to see? I set down the bottle of vodka, no longer wanting it. If that’s what it did to Isabella then I didn’t need it, and I definitely didn’t want it.
“Yeah?” I reached for her hand, clasping on to it in an attempt to help her up since I assumed that’s what she wanted. She was swaying pretty badly. I didn’t want her to stumble and hurt herself.
“Do you-“ She paused, biting at her lip, “Do you think that maybe, you could possibly want me too?”
The question caught me by surprise. “I don’t know.” I choked over the words that came out in a strangled lie. I did want her. I did. So, why couldn’t I just say so? I felt confident when I was wanted but wanting someone else was a whole different field and I didn’t play that way. I couldn’t… I couldn’t risk the heart break. I didn’t want the pain.
The tempo of the music changed, surprising me. I glanced behind me to realize that Mikey was now playing with the music player, dancing his own little dance. It would have been funny had there not been a crash following the music change. I looked back to find that Isabella had fallen in an attempt to sneak away from me. “Bella, damn it. Are you okay?”
“I’m fucking drunk.” She mumbled, placing her hand on the dresser near her. I watched as everything on the dresser slid off, on top of her.
“Just wait, let me help you.” I quickly came to her side, grabbing her arm. She grabbed on to my arm in return, pulling me down with her.
“It’s not fair.” Isabella slurred out, slapping her hand on my arm. “It’s not fair at all.”
“What’s not fair love?”
“Don’t call me that!” She snapped, pulling her arm away from me. “Don’t do that thing you do where butterflies erupt in my stomach and I’m forced to daydream about being a normal girl just for you. It makes this, this curse so much worse!” She gestured to her eyes.
“What are you talking about?” My words came out in a whispered rush as I tried to think over Isabella ever really showing interest in me.
“I like you.” Isabella whispered loudly, slipping over the words. Her face was slowly turning a brighter shade of red with each word. “And I don’t even know you and you don’t know me so… why do I like you so much Frank?” Tears started falling down her pale cheeks, “Why don’t you like me back?”
This had turned in to a disaster and now Isabella was drunk and sobbing and I didn’t know how to make her stop. I didn’t know how to make her understand just how I felt. I didn’t know her that well but I didn’t need to. She was something special. Why couldn’t I just tell her that I wanted her? Things would just be too damn easy if I could properly communicate with her evidently.
“Oh god Frank… Frank, I think I’m going to be sick.”
The rest of the night was spent in the bathroom as Isabella experienced her first alcohol induced vomit-fest.
I held her hair back and kept a glass of slightly cooled water on hand as I let my mistakes drown my mind.
I woke up to sniffling and the smell of alcohol. “What the fuck?” Someone bounced on to the bed next to me, disrupting whatever sleep I’d been hoping to experience.
“Wake up!” Mikey sang out.
Gerard’s solemn voice greeted Mikey’s cheer, “Get out Mikey.”
A few seconds later I heard the door close and I looked around for Isabella. The sniffling I’d heard was now gone but I knew it had been her. “Feel okay?” I hesitantly asked, still plagued by last nights conversation.
“I’ve got a bit of a headache but Gerard gave me some Advil. Did you need some?” She felt the space between us on the bed until her hand landed on mine, “There was a bottle somewhere. I left it on the bed. It’s closed though so… it won’t spill or anything…” She trailed off, moving her hand away from mine.
“I’m fine. I’ve been doing this long enough to just embrace any headaches. It’s like getting drunk all over again sometimes.” I joked.
Isabella just nodded, saying nothing.
“Look, I never should have let you drink last night… it was a bad idea. I feel terrible. I-“
“Why do you feel terrible?”
“Well, now you don’t feel well…”
“I have a headache. I’m sure I’m not the first person ever to get a headache after drinking. I’m not so naïve to not have expected one.” Isabella brushed some hair away from her face. “But I- I have an apology that I need to… Well, I’m just sorry. I was an idiot last night. I was obviously drunk and didn’t mean what I said but… it was stupid and can we just forget it?”
I was surprised that she remembered any of it but… she hadn’t meant it? “So, you aren’t secretly in love with me?” I made it sound like a joke but to me it wasn’t.
“Hardly.” Isabella laughed, “We don’t know each other that well.”
“I think we are pretty fucking close for how long we’ve known each other, or you know just in general.”
“But love?” Isabella questioned me.
I wish I could’ve stepped up but just like last night I fell short once again, “You’re right. Love.” I laughed, as if I were laughing at being in love. I wasn’t though. “As if.”
I wanted to be and I didn’t quite love Isabella yet but I knew that it could happen. She meant something, and that something was far beyond love. I felt as if it were on a different level.
“Yeah, as if.” Isabella mumbled, pulling the blankets further over her body.
I didn’t notice any of the signs and I didn’t say anything like I should’ve. I just sat next to her, drowning in my stupidity.
(So I had some trouble deciding on what would happen at the party and this is what came out. I don’t want them ‘in love’ because they don’t know each other that well but I think they know enough to form emotions and attachments. Let me know what you think? I’ve been pretty busy or I would have written it with more detail.)