Gerard loved seeing how peaceful and innocent his husband really was when he slept. The only problem was, Gerard was no longer alive.
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Gerard sighed as he watched Frank resting beside him. He loved watching his husband sleep, loved seeing how peaceful and innocent he really was. The only problem was, Gerard was no longer alive.
Somehow, Gerard had woken up in the night only to feel different. He looked around to see that he was in fact in his own house, in his bedroom in his bed, but when he moved he felt like nothing. Panicking, the man looked around to see his body. The view was strange. He could see his own arm around his lover. He saw his thigh on Frankie's hip. Normally Gerard would have been pleased with the sight, but this was different. He could see every part of his body. His legs, his hips, his torso and head. He was staring at his own body. Quickly he looked around, to see a mirror that they had put up a couple of years ago. He tried to run to see his own reflection but it felt more like floating. When he stood in font of the glass, he saw something unexpected. He wasn't there. Although Gerard knew he was there, the mirror told him otherwise. The only thing he could see was his body and Frankie still wrapped in their blanket together.
Slowly he lifted his hands. Immediately he wanted to cry. He was transparent. He could feel his hand, he could see himself, but he wasn't there. That's when he realised he had died. He didn't know what to feel, how to feel. Was he going to be stuck in the house forever? Was he going to meet God? He just didn't know.
He waited around for a while until he realised nothing was going to happen. His eyes moved to Frank who was still sleeping happily away, not aware of what had happened. Gerard looked around, sat himself on the chair in front of Frank of stroked his hair. He hadn't even left yet and he was already missing the boy. Missing the feeling of Frank's skin against his. The touch of their lips would never be felt again and Gerard couldn't do anything about it. The boy smiled, leaning into the spirits touch more and more.
“I love you Frankie” Gerard whispered, tears building in his eyes which had confused him. He was a spirit now. How could he cry? He just didn't understand.
“I love you too Gerard” Frank purred. Gerard hadn't ever seen someone grin so happily. Now while they were awake nor asleep.
Gerard watched the boy sleep for the rest of the night. He had talked to his lover all through his dreams, getting very clear answers from Frank proving that the boy could hear him. Gerard had heard of spirits contacting you through your dreams, he never thought he'd be the spirit.
The alarm clock went off making Gerard jump and Frank groan.
“Fucking stupid clocks” the boy mumbled annoyed as he yawned.
Gerard instantly froze. Could Frank see him? Would he be able to hear him now like last night? What would his reaction be?
“Gee baby, you gonna get up?” Frank asks smiling as he attempts to turn around while he's still In his arms before snuggling into the body again.
Gerard doesn't want to look, doesn't want to experience the confusion in Frank's face when he looks up to see Gerard's face wondering why his lover hadn't answered back.
“Honey, wake up” Frank orders.
“Gee. Baby. Sugar. Wake up”
The worry in Frank's voice is enough to stop Gerard's non beating heart. The look on the younger boys face when he examines the body before him makes Gerard want to throw up. Frank puts his fingers to Gerard neck, eyes growing wide with fear when he can't feel a pulse. Next his ear is at Gerard's mouth, trying to hear even the slightest breath but no such luck. Quickly he brushes the hair our of Gerard's face to confirm all of his suspicions. Once the eyelids are opened by his fingers Frank Cries. They're lifeless. Dull. Dead.
The look in Frank's eyes when everything hits him makes Gerard want to scream.
“No...” Frank Whispers, eyes raking over the limp body just looking for anything to suggest any signs of life left in Gerard. It's no use.
The boy's tears are flowing from his eyes now.
Gerard is dead. His husband died in the night. His Lover died holding him as his heart stopped beating.
“Please Gee... you can't do this” Frank begs, pleading his lover to wake up soon.
Gerard watches Frank cry In the dead body for two hours before the boy manages to climb out of bed. He looks weak, eyes red from crying with tear stains on his cheeks. Before the boy can pull move from standing at the foot of the bed Gerard wraps his arms around him. He gives the boy a kiss on the cheek receiving a surprised hum I return.
“Please don't go” Frank sighs knowing it's pointless. Even if Gerard's spirit was still there hugging him it's not like he'd be able to jump into his body again. It doesn't work that way. Life after death isn't real. Frank doesn't want to believe that. He wants too have comfort in knowing Gerard's okay, but this is the real world. Not a fantasy. Frank cries even more. Everything that ever mattered was gone. Gerard was dead.
Frank – still in tears- called Mikey who immediately drove to their house. They cuddled on the couch, still in denial that he was gone.
Gerard thought it was weird. Neither of them seemed to want to let themselves believe that he was gone. They wanted him to stay. He didn't realise he was that important to them.
Eventually, they called everyone and told the horrific news.
The funeral was weird.
Gerard watched as the people gathered around his body In the grave yard. Rows and rows or chairs could be seen from afar, all to say goodbye. Gerard watched as his mother cried, said her goodbye and left. Mikey, then Alicia. His niece and cousins. Family friends and neighbours. Step-siblings and Parents in-law. Grandparents too. All visited with tears in their eyes as they saw the body one last time.
The only person Gerard paid any attention to was Frankie. He waited to be last, walking up to the coffin brushing the raven hair away from covering his face.
“I did what you wanted Gee...” Frank smiles. “All of your paintings and sketches burnt. Except the first and last one you made for me. You know, the one of use as teenage sweethearts and the one of us a couple of weeks ago? Well I kept them two. I wanted to have something that showed we came a long way”. The boy sighs, taking the ice cold fingers in his hands. “I'll miss you so much. You're my one and only. There'll never be anybody as amazing as you”. The boy sucks in a deep breath, hesitant of his next actions. He leans forward, placing his lips against the dead ones – just to feel them one last time. He pulls back, tears threatening to fall. “I love you Gee”. With that the boy walks away, allowing the body to be buried six foot underground. Forever.
Since the funeral Frank has been acting differently. He's a lot more quiet now – which is saying a lot. He spends a lot of time looking at photo's, smiling at certain ones of him and Gee. When making food he sings the same song Gerard use too. Every time. At six o'clock the meal is being started and then finished by 6:30pm. The same time Gerard use to get home from work. Frank constantly makes the food, serves it on two plates. One for himself, and one for the empty seat Gerard use to sit. Then whenever he's finished he'd put it in a container. Gerard doesn't know what he does with the spear meals, knowing Frank he probably takes it to the homeless guy on the corner of the street.
After dinner Frank would watch the blank screen of the TV for three hours until it's ten o'clock. After that he walks up the stairs, brushes his teeth in the bathroom and walks into the bedroom. He takes a step forward towards the cupboard and sniffs one of Gerard's old shirts. They haven't been washed since Gerard wore them, so they still have his scent. The smile on Franks face looks so happy, so relieved like he's there with Gerard again. And then reality crashes back down and he's crying. He jumps into bed and cries himself to sleep. Each day continues like that. He falls into a routine that depresses him but he can't stop it. Frank can't let Gerard go. Can't live without him. The reason for Frank to live died a long time ago, and he knows it.
Gerard helplessly watches him. Each night he'd sit on his side of the bed, just laying along with his lover. Frank seems to be able to feel his presence in his dreams. Gerard's lover just sleeps, resting his shattered heart and broken soul. Frank cuddles up to Gerard at night. The spirit is so confused by now. Shouldn't he be going to heaven or hell? Why was Frank able to feel him in his dreams and not when he was awake?
Gerard hates watching Frank wake up from a good night sleep. Frank's despair is obvious. As soon as his eyes open he's back to his zombie like state; he wakes up. Gets dressed. Smells Gerards clothes. Goes to work. Comes home. Prepares dinner for two. Watch the blanc screen of the TV. Smells Gerard again and goes to sleep.
Frank shouldn't have to wake up without Gerard next to him. Gerard wants to be there, to have his body against Franks so they could cuddle up to each other for the rest of their lives. Gerard's however, ended a lot sooner than expected. Frank lives for his dreams now. He's practically mute now. Gerard wishes he could read Franks mind. Wishes he could unfold all of those stories and thoughts Frank thinks just to see what really is going on in the younger boys head.
Gerard tries to contact Frank. Tell the boy to start reliving his life again. If Gerard still had a heart, it'd be broken a million times by now. Gerard tries to touch Frank, tries to talk to him. He wants to encourage the boy to move, change his habits but each and every time Gerard gets anywhere close enough to push the boy forward, Frank falls back down. He just can't. He's being dragged down by his depression. Gerard knows this is wrong.
He tries to carry Frank away in his dreams, tries to show Frank what he's missing but the boy doesn't listen. He's to content with just having the feeling of his lover next to him. Frank knows he's imagining it, but if that's the best he's got then he'll take it. Gerard can see how destroyed Frank really is, and it's killing him. He just doesn't want to see his Frankie fall to pieces.
It's been over half a year of seeing Franks behaviour that Gerard starts to long for life again. Gerard wants to be able to sleep with his baby. His honey. He wants to share that innocence they use to have. Gerard wants to feel the sun on his skin, he's never been so upset from not being able to feel the heat from the sun. He wants the light on his skin. The skin that is already decaying under the ground.
Gerard wants to be able to feel his pulse. He wants to be with him, if that means Frank has to decay to be alive then Gerard wants it. He knows he's becoming selfish. He just misses his husband. He's missing his real life that was once a reality only to become a dream for him. Gerard doesn't care if he goes back to the world looking like a monster, or if Frank comes into the spirit world not knowing who he was. Gerard would be grateful just to be able to touch the boy. If spirits could touch each other. He misses every tine flaw Frank had. Gerard's was losing It, just like his former lover.
Frank has left his work. He's quit on everything he ever did. His guitar was broken when he had an outburst of anger and destroyed the wooden instrument. The strings were cut, the neck snapped into two with his own bare hands. Everything was either in pieces or being burnt in the fire. He only wore the old pyjamas Gerard would wear even though they were much too big for the boy. He didn't care if it suffocated him or caused his body to overheat at night. He needed to feel that presence of Gerard everywhere instead of just his dreams. Every night Frank would sit and stare at photos of him and Gee or the paintings he kept. The sight was heart-breaking.
Things only got worse from then on. Due to the fact Frank hadn't been going to work, he hadn't eaten much. Mikey would often bring food and try to talk to Frank about his situation but had no success. Frank ate the food, drank the water and went back to bed, ordering Mikey to make sure the door was locked behind him. The rent was being paid every month from Frank and Gerard's rainy day money, but that supply was running low. Mikey no longer made the effort to talk to Frank. He'd knock on the door, shove the necessary things that would keep Frank alive and then walk off, leaving the boy to himself. Frank was basically skin and bones by now. The only thing Frank would do was sleep. Waiting for Gerard to say hello. Waiting for somebody to wake him from his nightmare and give Gerard back.
Gerard was dying inside even more now. If he had been alive then he would cuddle Frank to healthiness. Keep him going by kisses and sweet words. He couldn't do that now. He tries. He tries to speak to Frank. Gerard just wants to pull Frank out of the apartment and show the boy what he's missing. He wants to carry Frank to happiness. But he can't. He's just a spirit.
It's the one year anniversary on Gerard's death when Frank goes out the house. Gerard knows he doesn't go to the grave yard, it's a half an hour walk there and back plus the time to lay flowers on the grave and talk to the headstone. It takes twenty minutes for Frank to make his way back into the house. He's carrying a bag of some sort. Black, heavy. Too heavy for Frank. He's dragging the thing behind him with all his strength. The boy is a skeleton now. Gerard doesn't even know how the boy managed to survive this long.
Frank grabs a camera, sets it on Gerard's art desk and presses the record button.
“Today is the day. It's been a whole year since my life ended. Mentally and emotionally, I'm already dead. So today, is the death of my physical body. I've had enough of this world, what is the point in life without Gerard? I pushed everybody away. I pushed myself away. I have no meaning, I have no motive to work and live when everything I ever wanted is dead. I'm going to join him today. I know he's waiting for me. He talks to me in my sleep, I hear his voice, I see his face, I feel his touch. That all changes when I wake up. He's gone by the time my eyes are open. It's just my mind playing tricks on me. But I don't care. I can't survive here any more. I'd like to say goodbye to all of my family and friends. To Everybody who ever supported and cared for me. I'll miss you, but it's my time now. Mikey, I'd like to say thank you for looking after me. Nobody could even bare to look at me. He was your brother as well as my husband. It's probably one hundred times harder to see not only your brother gone, but your friend. Thing is Mikey, he doesn't exist. So thank you. For everything. Keep looking after those kids and remember, don't take Alicia for granted. It'll be your worst mistake ever. Spend time with her like it's the last day you'll see her, cause life's bitch and you'll regret not spending more time with her. I love everybody.” and for once in eleven months he smiles. “I'm coming to see you Gee”.
With that, he turns the camera off. Uploads the video and send it to everyone he knows. He closes the laptop off, and grabs a match.
At first Gerard's confused, he's not going to set himself on fire is he? He watches the boy light it up and throw the flame on the paintings. He remembered Gerard's wishes.
“Let none of them exist” Frank whispered quoting Gerard's wishes as the smoke filled his lungs. Then, he moves to the main bedroom. He opens the plastic bag and pulls out a gun. A big gun.
Gerard wants to scream. This isn't how it should end. He should be alive, Frank should be happy and they should be raising a family.
Frank puts the gun to his head. And hums the tune of his and Gerard's wedding song.
The trigger is pulled and Gerard watches as parts of Frank explodes onto the wall, blood spilling everywhere. Gerard panicked. The fire was spreading and he couldn't see Frank's spirit everywhere. He ran to the body, trying to pull the flesh up. Instead, Franks spirit tapped his shoulder.
“Gee..?” Frank askes.
In Franks spirit form, he was back to his regualr size. He looked healthy again, even though he wasn't real.
“Am I dead Gee?” Frank asked, tears building from his spirit eyes.
“Yeah Frankie....we're dead. I don't understand everything but here we are” Gerard replied, voice cracking.
“I missed you” Frank smiled, trying to take everything in.
“I know, I've been watching you since I died” Gerard laughed. “I missed you too though”
“You were with me all along” the boy asks, a bit stunned. Gerard nodded. “Knew it” He grinned.
Without any more time wasted, Frank pulled Gerard towards him, latching their lips together. Oh, how they had missed the feeling of being able to touch each other. When they pulled back, they watched as Frank's body burned in the flames.
The fire was eventually fought off by fire fighters. The story had been made into new material while Frank's family sobbed from their lost.
One night, the two spirits were confused as to what they were going to do next. Suddenly, Mikey appeared in the bedroom.
“I know you guys are here. I can't see you but you're defiantly here. I'd just like to say goodbye, I'll miss you guys but you've opened my eyes up to see how much Alicia really means to me. Wherever you guys go next, know that you can always visit me. I hope you guys are happier, and I swear to god if you guys don't save me some sushi up there I'll kick your ghost or spirit asses. See you guys soon.” he smiles, ready to leave.
“Oh, and make sure to get me a unicorn guys seriously.”
With that, Mikey leaves the house, for the last time in his life.
Gerard and Frank's spirits are laughing until they see a bright light. They know it's time. They knew that now they were together again and that they had finished saying what they needed to say it was time to leave. Where? Well that's part of the adventure. But wherever it is... they'll be together for a eternity.