One-shot Frerard. Gerard just can't help feeling so trapped all the time. Hopefully that will all change when he meets a certain stranger.
Staring down at the angry, black, churning water below, I thought about how it reflected my mood perfectly.
This is it. I was gonna do it. Jump.
I'm just so sick of it. Sick of everything. Sick of life, sick of being told what to do, sick of people trying to change me, but most of all, I'm fucking sick of being trapped. I just feel like I'm stuck in a box. A glass box, that people can peer into and judge me. It's like I'm part of a different world. It's like I'm different from everyone else. It' kike I don't belong here.
I don't know if you've ever felt like this, but I'll tell you know, it's shit. It's a shit feeling felt by shit people. It's the worst fucking feeling in the world. It doesn't help that my parent, if all people, are constantly trying to change who I am, like I'm not good enough for them and they don't like who I am. Well I'm sorry if I'm not the fucking perfect child you wanted Mom, but this is who you got, so deal with it. You won't have to for much longer anyway…
This is it.
I stepped closer to the edge of the bridge. A single tear graced my cheek as I closed my eyes and pulled in what would hopefully be my last breath as I leant forwards and tumbled into the darkness.
I didn't know who this guy was. I thought he was just some nut job dicking around on the bridge when I drove past, but then I saw his face. He looked how I felt. Trapped. I saw the way he clung to the side of the bridge, and the way he stared down into the water below, and I knew what he was thinking. He was gonna jump.
I knew because I'd been in that situations before myself… a few times actually, but I never went through with it, and this guy - whoever he was - shouldn't either. I pulled my car over when I got to the end of the bridge and quietly made my way back along on foot, not wanting to scare him. That wouldn't help at all. I stopped a little way off from him and just watched. I knew there was no use talking to him. There was no reasoning with people when they were in that kind of mood. I was just best to watch over him and make sure he didn't do anything stupid.
I know it seems weird, going through all this for some stranger I've never spoken to before, but I know how he felt, and I couldn't bear seeing his face in all the papers when they found his body, and knowing that there was something I could have done.
I tensed as I saw him lean forward slightly, ready to spring into action.
All of a sudden, he was gone. Falling through the air and plummeting into the dark water below. Without thinking I rushed out of my hiding place and dived in after him.
The water hit me like a wall, it was freezing and the current quickly dragged me under. It's a good job I'm such a strong swimmer. I kicked towards the surface a splashed around frantically, looking for the guy. He was nowhere to be seen, so I pulled in a deep breathe and let the water take me again. I struggled to open my eyes, the water stinging them, and search around for him. I caught sight of him, passed out and spiralling down through the blackness, so I set off after him.
When I got to him I took hold of him under his arms and began to pull us both up to the surface, moving quickly as my lungs were beginning to burn a little. Dragging him back up was difficult because although he was a skinny little bitch, his water-logged clothes weighed him down. I loosed my grip around him and swam so I was level with him. I made quick work or pulling off his clothes, leaving him in only his boxers.
Taking hold of him again, I continued swimming upwards. We soon made it to the surface and I treaded water, taking in huge gulps of air. When I had regained my breath, I set about paddling us over to the river bank (fortunately the river wasn't too wide, although was quite deep) and pulling him onto the grass by the side of the river.
I laid him down and pressed my ear to his chest, listening for a heartbeat. Nothing. My own heart thudded noisily in my chest as I moved him into the correct position and began pumping over his chest where his heart was. I opened his mouth and pinched his nose shit as I blew lungfuls of air down his throat. In only hoped I was doing this right, because I'd only ever seen it done on tv.
If someone saw us from the bridge, I guess it would have looked like we were making out…
After my millionth attempt at reviving him, it was seeming like he wasn't going to make it. I paused, gasping for air and stared down at his lifeless body, as tears began to fall quietly down my face. I tried desperately one more time. Nothing. I slumped back away from him, crying harder now.
Suddenly, a coughing sound erupted from deep within his throat and I looked up in surprise to see him rolling onto his side, eyes open and coughing up quite a lot of water.
When he was done I launched myself at him, hugging him tightly. I pulled back and stared down at him, gasping for breathe and looking back at me with confused eyes. I was suddenly struck by how beautiful he was, and how the light from the moon reflected in his eyes…
We continued staring at each other and I noticed he was shivering, so I pulled off my wet hoody and pushed it towards him.
'Thanks' he mumbled still looking confused 'Who the fuck are you?'
'Oh, I'm Frank. Frank Iero.' I held my hand out for him to shake and he took it awkwardly, sitting up and pulling my hoody over his head.
We sat awkwardly in silence for a while before I decided to say something.
'So… uhm… what happened?'
'I jumped' he stated coldly and went to get up and walk away but I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down again.
'What the fuck are you doing!?'
'You shouldn't move yet… you'll get all dizzy, or something…' I stammered.
He just stared at me.
'I know you jumped, I saw, but…why?'
'why not?…you should have just let me drown… you don't even fucking know me.'
'N-no. I don't… but I want to'
We sat in silence for a while longer, not making eye contact.
'Why are you being so nice to me?'
The sudden question made me jump. I hesitated before answering.
'Because I know how you feel… I tried to drown my self once you know… a few times actually…' I mumbled quietly.
'Really?' he sounded surprised. He looked up at me and our eyes met. I realised he was still shivering, quite a lot actually.
'Oh, your still cold'
'I'm fine' he insisted, but I knew he wasn't he was going to catch his death.
'No, you're not. I think I have a blanket in my car or something… wait here and then when I get back, we'll talk, okay?'
I took hold of his hand and squeezed it lightly, before scrambling up and making my way up the hill to where I had parked my car. I just had to pray that he would wait and let me help him.
I turned my head and watched him leave. When he was out of sight, I lay down and let my thoughts consume me.
Maybe this was like, fate or something I don't know. Like a sign, telling me it wasn't my time yet… if you believe in any of that bullshit. Maybe I was just putting too much faith in the Frank guy. I don't even know who he is. I'm just sick of everything. I guess it wouldn't hurt to talk though… especially if he really did understand. For all I know he could be just some creepy rapist, but for some reason I trusted him. He didn't look like a rapist…
I sat back up and saw him walking back towards me, with a blanket in his arms. He was so nice. He was also kind go hot. And by kind of I mean really hot… If I had to be saved at all , I'm glad it was him that did it. I thought about how he'd touched my hand, and how he'd hugged me. I normally shy away from physical contact but that felt… kind of… nice?
He got to where I was sat and wrapped the blanket around me tightly. He then sat facing me on the ground
'So…' he began, and that was it. I told him everything and I felt… it felt good. I felt a little better knowing that someone understood and felt the same. He didn't say anything while I talked, but he didn't need to. He just sat and listened patiently.
I had just gotten to the part about me feeling worthless and unloved all the time when he cut me off, leaning forward and pressing his lips softly to mine. It shocked me and I fell back, away from him.
'sorry' he mumbled, looking at me sheepishly and blushing 'it was just…you we saying how unloved and worthless you felt, ad no-one should feel that way. You're and amazing, beautiful, passionate person Gerard - I can tell by just talking to you now - and you need to know that.' he rushed out, all in one breath.
I smiled up at him slightly, and pulled him down so he was lying next to me and we kissed again, gently. I pulled back and looked at him, noticing he was shivering too.
'Thank-you' I whispered 'for everything'
I opened my arm, and pulled him onto the blanket with me. We spent the entire night like this, cuddled up together, talking and kissing softly.
This was the first of many nights like this and I guess in a way, this was like a turning point in my life. I suppose I still feel trapped sometimes, but rarely now, and it's okay because Frankie is always with me, in my little box. One thing was for sure though, I never felt unloved again.