*Frerard* oneshot *now with epilogue*
"I need a night pass for the H.O.T floor please." H.O.T means Hematology, Oncology, and Terminology, which is where the hospital holds the cancer and blood disorder patients.
"Are you on anyone's guest list?" The lady asks peering at me over her glasses.
"Yeah, sorry, im on Frank Iero's vistor list, my name is Gerard Way."
"There you are! Heres your pass darlin'." She says sweetly and hands me a green piece of paper on a clip that allows me to stay here for a few nights.I put it on my shirt and head up to the 7th floor to see my Frankie. I clicked the beeper so that the nurses know someone is at the door and i can be let in, there is a door to this floor because people need to be screened before entering into the floor. Its about noon so the floor is busy with visitors walking around the halls with their loved ones.
"Hello Gerard!" calls one of the nurses, I've become a regular visitor (i come to see Frank everyday), so most of the nurses know my name. "Frank told me to tell you to go right into his room, hes napping right now." "Okay, thank you." I say with a smile. I walk down the hall to Frank's room and let myself in. Frank is sleeping propped up in the bed with his head lolled to the side, and his hair is hanging over his eyes, he wouldnt let anyone shave his head when he was diagnosed because i guess some people dont loose their hair, he was right he still has all of his beautiful hair. I quietly pull up a chair next to his bed and take my sketch book out of my bag to sketch Frank. Hes the perfect model, his features are so defined and peaceful. I just finished my sketch when the nurse walked in to take his hourly vitals, which woke him up too.
"Good afternoon Mr. Iero." The nurse says with a cheerful smile.
Frank smiles back and says. "You're making me feel old, Mr. Iero is almost 70, im just Frank." he grins at her and she just laughs back, "Well then good afternoon Frank. Do you need anything right now? Pain meds? Food? its almost lunch.." the nurse says as she finishes taking his vitals and is hanging up the blood pressure pump.
"Im good right now, thank you, but sometime today could you bring in an extra pillow and blanket, Gerard is going to be staying the night."
"Of course," she says as she exits the room, "Just ring me if you need anything." With that she shut the door and left Frank and I alone. I took his hand and carefully kissed his fingertips.
"How are you feeling today?" I ask him holding his tattooed hand.
"Sadly, im feeling okay, i hate that i always feel some what decent the day before i have to have another round of chemo." he said with a weak smile.
"Aw, baby," I said stroking his hair, "Im here for you."
"I know," he said, widening his smile, "So what did you bring me?"
"Well," I said as i reached for my bag, "I grabbed your Misfits shirt, like you asked, and then i got you some comic books and my mom made you this blanket." I pulled out the shirt, books, and the blue and green knit blanket that my mom made.
"YAY!" he exclaimed, "Thank you so much!"
"No problem," i said, "So what are your plans for today?" I know that it was a dumb question considering he cant leave the hospital, but Frank normally has some type of adventure planned out.
"Well, i was thinking we could go for a walk, and then rent a movie from the movie thing down in the lobby."
"Sounds wonderful, like a date." i said winking at him.
"Exactly." he winked back at me, "Im going to call the nurse in so that she can unhook my IV while we go for a walk." He pressed the button and a women's voice came over the loud speaker attached to his bed. "Can you send someone in to help me with my IV, i want to go for a walk."
"Certainly." said the woman and then the line cut off. Shortly later Frank's nurse came in and unhooked him, he thanked her and then she left. He slowly swung his legs over the edge and tried to ease himself off the bed but failed, so i walked around and gingerly pulled him up.
"Thanks sweetie," He said as he pulled me into a hug "Im just a little stiff from sleeping is all." I helped him change into his skinny jeans and helped him pull the Misfits shirt on. He got on his converse and grabbed my hand, and we walked out the door. After our walk we went to the movie rental place in the lobby and i let Frank pick out a movie, of course he picks some zombie movie that we've probably seen 4,000 times already, but i dont mind, as long as i get to be with Frank. We went to his room and put the movie in. He was laying in my arms as we shared his bed and he fell asleep, after the movie i lightly pressed my lips to his waking him up. "Hey sleeping beauty." i whispered into his mouth. "Im guessing you have to get up now?" he said with a fake pout. "Yeahh, i dont want to be a bother to the nurses." i said as i stood up and stretched my legs. "But i'll be right here on the couch all night." I kissed the top of his head before going over to my makeshift bed. "Tomorrows going to be a long day, why dont you get some rest." I said turning the small lamp off. "I guess so," he said yawning "Goodnight Gee, i love you."
"I love you too." i whispered loud enough for him to hear, but not loud enough for him to know that i was crying. I hate thinking that these could be our last words, that we could have just had our last kiss, that his life is dangling on a string that is fraying in the middle waiting to snap. Its the worst feeling you can ever imagine, watching a loved one get hurt by something you cant control. I ask myself every single day, "Why my Frankie? Why? Why him? Why cant he be cancer free? Why does he only have limited time left?" There isn't a day that goes by that i don't cry. I curl my knees up to my chest and fall asleep silently sobbing and praying that Frankie will just get better over night.
The next morning I wake up first and get ready for the day, first i go down to the cafe to have some coffee, i would bring it up to the room but i feel guilty when i have it in front of Frank because i know that he wont want any, he never eats or drinks before treatment. When i get back to the room Frank is awake and is waiting for the nurses to get into the room to start his therapy. The first chemo he gets is red, it looks like Kool-Aid which bothers Frank so the nurses cover it up with a paper towel. Everything is going smoothly until he gets his last chemo put in, "It burns!" he gasped between tears. "Gee," he whined "It burns so bad." he held up his arm as if to show me his pain, i put the ice-pack that the nurse gave me and wrapped it lightly around his wrist, careful not to move his IV. "Th-Th-anks" he barely chokes out.
"Frank? Frank? Whats wrong?!" He points to his mouth and makes choking hands around his throat. "Oh my god! Hold on! let me call the nurse!" I press the button and frantically ask for help because Frank seems to be having an allergic reaction. The nurse rushes in and stops his IV to inject some Benadryl, after it kicks in Frank is fine, hes shaken, but hes fine. "Holy shit." I say, "Im so glad you're alright!" I hug him tightly but not hard enough to hurt him, "I love you Frank, i never want to loose you."
"You wont, baby. You wont. I'll always be there somewhere." He whispers into my neck as i hug him and he lightly kisses me there.
That night I go home because i have to work in the morning, "I love you." I say and give him a light kiss on the lips, "Forever." I say holding up the silver ring on my finger that he got me for our 3 year anniversary, it has Forever inscribed into the side of it. He holds up his and pulls me into another kiss. "I'll see you tomorrow." I say as i walk out. He waves bye as i shut the door.
I just wish this day would be over, i thought as i showed some kid where the Star Wars comics are. The kid pays for his book then leaves, hes the last customer so i lock up and head to my car to go to the hospital. I grab my pass to the H.O.T floor and go up to the 7th floor. When i walk in the nurse gives me a sympathetic smile and pulls me to the side meeting room.
"I need to see Frank" I said once we go into the room.
She looked at me with tears in her eyes. "Im sorry." she whispered.
"S-sorry? What? Is he.." i said tears welling up into my eyes.
she nodded her head slowly, and led me out to the door of the floor. My knees went weak and i had to lean against the wall to hold myself up. He cant be. No. NO! Not Frank! He was always so full of life! Hes not gone! I ran down to my car tears spilling out of my eyes. Its raining out and i get soaked as i walk to my car. I get to my house and go straight to my kitchen opening the cupboards pulling out a bottle of vodka. I take the cap off and go lay on the couch drinking away and crying. I cant stop crying. After the bottle is gone and im completely drunk i curl up and bawl myself to sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night because im freezing, i roll over and see him. He looks so healthy, like how he looked before he got sick. He has the bottle in his hands and he is giving me the same sympathetic smile the nurse gave me. "I love you Gerard. Im sorry i had to leave you. Dont do this to yourself, please, for me, dont do this." he said gesturing to the bottle, "I will see you eventually. Remember, im always there." He started to get brighter and then he started fading into the bright light. "I love you Gerard. Forever."
Today is what would be our 4 year anniversary, im sitting in the sand at the exact spot that Frank gave me my Forever ring. Its a year now that Franks been gone, and this has been, in my opinion, one of the hardest years of my life. Frank and I had been in a relationship for 3 years, but we've been friends for as long as i can remember, he was there for me for everything, and now hes just gone. I still have moments when i want to call him and tell him about how good or bad my day was. One time I actually drove to his house to tell him something, only to be reminded of his death when i saw that his home had a for sale sign staked into his front lawn. His funeral was the hardest. Mikey came along with me for moral support, and stayed at my house over night as i cried myself to sleep in his arms. The next morning Mikey helped me clean out my alcohol cupboard, I had told him about the night when Frank came to my house (after he died), and he believed me, while most people would probably think i was crazy. After Frank came to my house i felt that it was only right that i threw away all of the alcohol in my house. My parents are trying to get me to date around, but Mikey stands by my side and understands how hurt i am. My heart will never be whole until i am reunited with Frank again, but until then i am staying strong, and trying to live my life as well as i can. I visit his grave everyday after work and sit next to his grave to sketch what ever i see or feel. I love you Frank, I always will, my sweet angel.