"I can get through this; no WE can" One-Shot
That isn't me, at all.
I look at myself, I have all the WRONG curves, hair that has a tendency to disagree with me and always falls flat and boring, eyes that don't glimmer and have perfect shading with makeup (well I actually don't wear makeup), rather choose BAND name over BRAND name.
Yes to society I am an ugly pig who to them is a waste of space.
Same with guys; although there are diffrent expectations.
Whatever happened to, a nice guy? Rather than a hot guy (no offence here; but most "sexy hotties" turn out to be total dicks).
Why can't we all be treated like we're beautiful? Why must we be judged?
WHY THE HELL MUST SOCIETY MAKE US HATE OURSELVES?!
Please explain to me that!
"Geez, Sam. Angry much?" My best friend Mikey asked, looking at my current essay on today's society.
"It's true, I'll admit, I ain't no beauty queen; if anything I'm so low on the whole 'beauty scale' nobody will know I exist." Yup; I really hate my looks.
"Sam, stop. What are other reasons, besides our fucked up society do you think that of yourself?" I let out a pained sigh, it was the opinions of others. I got called names from 'ugly' to 'cow'.
"People." I whispered, wiping at my eyes.
"Like who?" Mikey pulled me into a hug, sensing my pain.
"You don't hear? All the names, the mocking, all that shit. EVEN MY OWN PARENTS!" I felt his somewhat scrawny arms tighten around my body, pulling me closer.
"Well fuck 'em. All of them, if they can't see how amazing, beautiful and perfect in your own way that you are, their all fucked up."
"Still though, in far from perfect, you see the way I look. The way I feel, the way I can't stand to step on a scale, look in a mirror, or be beside anyone else." Tears flowed down my cheeks; this was not self pity, this was pain in the words.
"Sam, look at me." I did as he asked, "Your amazing, you know so many bands it's hilarious, you can play so well it blows me away, your such a dedicated fan the bands could probably see your face and be like 'I remember her', your so loyal to your friends that you care more for them than yourself; your independence is amazing, you don't want to get anyone involved with your problems in care for them! Sam tell me what part of that is horrible?!"
"Everything has a flaw." I mumbled, burying my face into my best friends chest.
"Everyone has a vice; yours just so happens to be the fact that you care so much about others, that you have no positive attitude for yourself." I looked over in the direction the new voice came from; Gerard, Mikey's older brother and another outcast.
"Not to pity myself, not at all; but there are probably more than that." Both of the Way brothers gave me the same look.
"Exactly what I'm talking about; you care about others 'not to pity myself'.."
"How is that caring for others Mikey?" I cut him off in midsentence.
"You don't want them to pity you, or as you tend to put it 'waste their time and energy on a lost cause'."
"Plus your open, saying what you think instead of lying to make yourself look better." Gerard pointed out with a shrug.
"Still, but thanks. Mikey I'll finish my part of the project tonight, then tommorow we can just finish it all together?" The youngest Way son nodded from his place on his bedroom floor.
"Bye guys." I yelled over my shoulder, about to leave.
"SAM WAIT!" Gerard yelled as I was at the door.
"Huh?" I called back, looking to see him holding my messenger bag.
"Oh shit, thanks guys." I mumbled embarrassed.
"How can you work on a project when its left at my house?" Mikey kidded
"Magic?" I joked actually leaving (and hopefully not forgetting anything).
—————————-Later That Night—————--
I sat on my bedroom floor, eyes full of tears, the cause of my tear stained cheeks.
"W-why? Why do I have to be so fat? So goddammed ugly?! So worthless?" I asked myself through clenched teeth.
I had gotten home, started on the project, worked until my parents ran in screaming, insulting, watching me cry.
"Fucking history, why do I have to learn about you?! Everyone in the textbook is dead anyway, like I'm going to be after tonight." I whispered, grabbing my beat up notebook.
"Hey everyone? Am I perfect now?!" I scribbled down, walking to my bathroom, opening the cabinet.
"Where oh where, here you are." I grinned, happily and painfully, like watching an old friend come to you.
"Now can you help me with my pain?" I muttered holding the blade in hand, carving 'worthless', 'ugly' and 'nobody' into my body.
"Time to say goodbye." I whispered pulling out the bottle of sleeping pills my mother had gotten for me, claiming my insomnia was 'getting on her nerves'.
Fumbling with the lid, I slipped on; an envelope marked with my name.
Who cares what society thinks? The asses and dicks around school? Those people who love to watch others suffer because they can't come to terms with their own pain?
YOUR BEAUTIFUL! I love you, yes LOVE.
Your amazing, sweet, caring, smart, hardworking, a dreamer, a screamer (yes I quoted your favorite band). I swear if you leave or something happens I don't know what I would do; all I'm saying is your the reason I'm still around, if it wasn't for you, your strength and loving personality, I may not be here.
Just remember how amazing and beautiful you are, okay?
You will always have me, no matter what, I will support you in anything...love you
I took in a shaky breath, feeling the bottle of pills in my hand grow suddenly heavy, I whipped them across the room.
I would get through this; no WE would.