If I showed you I don’t think you’d understand, because no one truly understands how we become the nightmares plaguing our very own society.
It was so funny when those around me said I now lacked humanity because at some moments I felt just as human as I did the night I lost my life and that’s when we feel most human, most vulnerable. When we die we try so hard to hold on, unaware of what it even is that we want to hold on to.
The first thing I noticed about him was the heat. He was so warm, though not just on the inside. The heat inside of him radiated outwards. It was something that was impossible to go without feeling. For just a second I felt warm again.
That warmth trapped me, drawing me closer to him. I’d spent nine hundred years out of the spotlight, drifting around the world just as easily as the air in the sky did. He stopped me in my place. I had to know him. I had to know how he did that. How did he possess such capabilities to make me feel so alive, for lack of a better word, when I was so obviously dead?
He was a musician. That was the first thing I learned. I followed him in to the club, watching him smile as he picked up the microphone. The words he spoke weren’t important yet I clung to them, drinking them in as I would his blood, had he given me the chance.
I was a dirty creature, awful and full of sin. Any other night and he’d be dead because I couldn’t control myself. For all of the self-control I thought about, it all escaped me at the most important moments.
In the crowd I moved along to each note he played. The warmth grew stronger as the sounds of his guitar filled the room and I knew, I couldn’t be the only one feeling it. He had a talent, one I couldn’t resist.
He lifted his head and his hazel eyes met mine, locking the feeling of warmth inside of me. For over nine hundred years I’d lived and never before had I felt anything close to this feeling. It was powerful and unexplainable and I just couldn’t let go.
The show was over and people were rushing to the bar for drinks as he set his guitar down. I watched the way he moved, everything about him was beautiful. He was artistic and I knew it went beyond his guitar.
Each step he took that brought him closer to me sent chills through my body and I stepped away, surprising myself. I needed him so badly. The feeling brought an awful itching, and I felt as if I were a drug addict going through withdrawals. I’d never known this boy before though. How could I feel such a strong reaction? “Hey…” He began to speak to me and the overwhelming urge to taste his blood took over.
I’d never before felt such a strong urge, not since I first starting feeding. I thought that would be the worst I’d ever have to live through but I was wrong, this was worse. His eyes widened as I ran in to the counter, knocking drinks away. “Stay away from me.” I snapped, turning and heading towards the exit.
The musician stood there with nothing further to say. I was sure he was confused but it didn’t matter, he was alive. I had never before been so clumsy, and I’d never before wanted someone so badly. A human life had never really been that important to me. I’d never before… resisted killing someone.
This was new and in all of my time on this earth I knew that new was rarely good. These feelings could not be explored. I had to leave and I had to leave now.