Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Just a Scarf

Part 2

by MyNomDePlume 2 reviews

Important note as well.

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: PG - Genres: Angst - Warnings: [!] - Published: 2012-07-19 - Updated: 2012-07-19 - 1479 words

Hey guys!
So I just wanted to give you a heads up that part of this is from my story "Do You Like Scary Movies?" ( and that's really it. R&R if you feel like it or even if you don't. :)

-- (A week later) --

Very few people were ever invited over to my house, let alone my room. I had always found it difficult to make friends so inviting people over was never really an option for me. Spencer was one of those lucky fellows who had the “honor” of coming over. My room was really a sight to see; posters of the Beatles, the Kinks, and the Rolling Stones covered almost every inch of the walls except for where my prized guitar rested.

“Your room hasn’t changed a bit since I was here last,” Spencer commented with a smirk.

“Spence, you were here a few days ago.”

“Exactly.” He wiggled his eyebrows goofily. I grabbed my pillow and smacked him upside the head playfully. He glared daggers at me as I stifled a chuckle.

“C’mon, we need to get our Geography homework done. Plus, there are cookies downstairs.”

“But I don’t care about Andy’s Mountain!” Spencer flopped onto my bed with an exasperated sigh. He was always stubborn when it came to homework, even when I tried to bribe him.

“It’s the Andes Mountains, Spencer. Don’t make me hit you again.” At that, Spencer shot to his feet.

“Yay, the Andes Mountains, my favorite!”


When the homework was completed and all the cookies had mysteriously disappeared, I suggested that we watch a movie.

“Can I invite someone over to watch with us?” Spencer asked as he wiped crumbs off of his face.

“Well...” I trailed off nervously. The last time I let him invite someone over I ended up in a trash can.

“Oh don’t be so worried. He’s a nice guy. Besides, he doesn’t think of people as trash.”

“I’m not sure, Spence.” I didn’t really want to invite someone I didn’t know over, but I knew that Spencer wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“I swear I’ll beat him up if he does anything wrong.” Now he was getting ridiculous.

“Fine, just do it,” I groaned in defeat. Spencer whipped out his cell phone and called his friend. Faint ringing echoed through the otherwise silent room.

“Hey, you wanna come over to Ryan’s house?” Pause. “Yeah, that Ryan. So are you coming or what?” Another pause. ”Great! It’s the house four doors down from mine to the left. See you in a few, Bren!”

“Wait, Bren? As in... Brendon?” My blood turned cold. This was not good.

“The one and only. Do you know him?”

“Oh, uh... I met him this morning,” I replied quickly. Meanwhile, that little nagging voice in my head was screaming, “Not good, not good, not good!”

“Isn’t he awesome?” he asked excitedly.

“Um... I guess.” I looked down and noticed that my hands were shaking like leaves in autumn. I shoved them into my pockets and prayed that Spencer didn’t notice.

“What’s up, man?” His tone was now softer and concerned. So he did notice.


“You’re the worst liar I know.” I didn’t reply. Not because I didn’t want to, I just didn’t know how.

A firm knock on the front door grabbed our attention. We walked towards the front hall silently to let Brendon in. Before opening the door, Spencer turned to me with those piercing blue eyes and declared, “You’re not telling me something, Ryan. Don’t be afraid to be yourself, otherwise you’re no better than Gabe and his friends. It’s about more than just a scarf. You’re playing Hide-and-Seek with the world, Ry, and you’re hiding in the closet. News flash: Your hiding place sucks.”

Spencer opened the door as soon as he finished talking and invited Brendon in. His words swam through my mind as the two of them decided on what movie to watch. He wanted me to admit something that wasn’t true. I was just a straight as he was. He didn’t need to tell me who to be; I was comfortable with who I was and that’s how I intended to stay. Period.

Brendon held up the movie “Scream” in front of me and waited for my approval. I nodded with a small, tight-lipped smile and he flashed me a megawatt grin that would make any teenage girl swoon. I was definitely not a teenage girl, but I did feel a little light-headed. This was going to be a long night.


Brendon let out of bloodcurdling scream and hid behind a pillow. I grabbed the remote and paused the movie for the fifth time.

"I thought you like scary movies," Spencer sighed.

"Yeah, well… I kind of lied," Brendon admitted from behind the pillow.

Spencer wrapped an arm around his shoulders and stole the pillow away from him. Brendon reached for it but Spencer threw it to the other side of the room.

"Quit being a baby or we’ll watch ‘Teletubbies’ instead."

"I'm not a baby!" he bit his lip nervously and leaned into me, "just p-play the movie."

Without another word, Spencer resumed the movie calmly. I, on the other hand, was on the verge of a minor panic attack. Brendon was unimaginably close to me with his head resting on my shoulder and his hand on my leg. It didn’t bother me because of how close he was, it bothered me that I was actually freaking out about it. Why did I care so much? Brendon was a guy, it didn’t matter how close he was. I shouldn’t have started panicking like that, it just wasn’t “me”. Or was it?

“Don’t be afraid to be yourself,” Spencer had told me. Well, I wouldn’t be so scared to be myself if I actually knew the “real me”. Did the “real me” freak out over things like Brendon leaning on him? Did the “real me” know that there was some truth to what Spencer had said? And more importantly, was the “real me” gay?

I swallowed my emotions and tryed to enjoy the rest of the movie. Maybe I would be able to find the “real me” while watching a horror film. It wasn’t such a thought-out idea, but it was an idea nonetheless.

About an hour later, the movie was over. Before leaving, Spencer glanced over at me and a smile danced at his lips. He obviously knew something I didn't. I was about to ask about it, but the sound of soft snoring came to my attention. Brendon had crawled into my lap and fallen asleep. His hand was tangled in my scarf while his head was resting on my chest, his soft hair tickling my chin. I know that I should've been creeped out, but I wasn't. It felt... nice to have Brendon that close. Yeah, nice.

I played with a lock of his hair absent-mindedly as I thought about what Spencer said once more. There was a little bit of truth to what he had told me. Okay, there was a lot of truth to what he had told me. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to be gay. After all, that would mean one less thing to worry about. No more lying to myself or the world. That made it sound very tempting, but now I had a huge decision to make: admit it or just keeping shoving it back down my throat. This was the moment of truth. I opened my mouth slowly and let the quiet words slip out, “I’m gay.”

A wave of giddiness crashed through my veins as the long-trapped words flew away like birds going back to the wild. I loved how empowering and freeing those words felt as they escaped my lips. I whispered them over and over, until my throat was dry and my lips were parched. I was about to stand up and get a drink when I remember Brendon. I glanced down to find him wide awake and beaming up at me like a proud parent. It took me a moment to register that he and Spencer must’ve planned my coming out together.

“Brendon,” I murmured, and to my delight, a sense of dread no longer followed his name. I tested it out, half-whispering and half-giggling his name, rolling it around on my tongue. I must’ve seemed drunk, but in truth I really didn’t care. This was a breakthrough. It was about so much more than just a scarf. It about was freedom.
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