Gerard's eyes rolled back into his head and he slipped off the sofa, a spasm taking over his body. R&R please :D
About 10 minutes later the ambulance arrives, I sit with him stroking his hand each time his face crumples up in pain. "Sh, baby" I whisper into his ear as his fingers dig into the stretcher. When we arrive at the hospital, Gerard goes straight into resus, the doctor drags me away from him and onto a seat. "We suspect that Gerard has a brain tumour, has he complained of headaches?"
"No," I quaver.
"Oh, that's unusual'
Then the doctor walks off, I put my head in my hands and sob, not quiet sobs, really loud sobs, and I mean really loud.
A few hours later the doctor comes back and says softly "Gerard has terminal brain cancer, he only has a month or two to live, I'm so sorry" I break down sobbing as the doctor takes me to the door of his room, I take a deep breath and walk inside, I gasp at the sight; wires, tubes and machines everywhere. I fall down at his bed side and clutch his hand tightly. I stroke his hair as he starts shaking, his face crumples up in pain. I kiss his cheek., a tear falls onto his pale, soft, flawless cheek. I wipe it off and suddenly his beautiful hazel eyes open. He mouths "I love you" and I whisper into his ear "I love you so much Gerard Arthur Way. I will always be here for you no matter what" and Gerard musters a smile, when suddenly he grabs his head then collapses, the life support machine let's out a long beep. I scream and the doctor runs in as a nurse takes me outside. I look through the resus window, tears pouring out of my eyes. Why did it have to be him, why was it my baby?! The doctor walks out and says solomley, "Gerard only has a few weeks, I'm so very sorry" I sob and sob, I run into the room and fall down next to gerard, "I'm never leaving your side, ever" I whisper. I look around the room, at all the tubes, wires and machines everywhere. Gerard's heart rate slows down, I squeeze his hand. The beeping of the life support gets slower. "Don't die" I scream, the doctor runs in and says "he needs emergency surgery to survive"
"Just do anything, I need him alive" I sob as they take him to the operating theatre.
About 5 hours later the doctor comes up to me and says softly "there was a complication in surgery, his survival rates are now 80-20 to die, we suspect he has only a few hours to live., I'm so very sorry" I break down sobbing again, I run in to spend the last few hours of Gerard's life with him. As I get in I see that he has his amazing hazel eyes open. I fall down at his bedside and say, "the doctor says you only have a few hours to live" he doesn't say anything he just grasps my hand really tightly, I kiss his cheek and stroke the hair away from his eyes. "I don't want to die" Gerard whispers, tears flowing down his face. "You won't" I whisper into his ear squeezing my eyes shut to prevent tears "I will do whatever it takes to get you better" I climb onto the bed and nestle into his shoulder falling asleep.
The next day I wake up and see gerard peacefully sleeping, I turn over and hold him close, gerard's eyes open and he smiles at me, "see, you didn't die" I say, moving the hair away from his eyes. "Yeah, but I'm gonna die soon, aren't I" he whispered.
"Not if I can help it" I say helping him have a drink of water and propping him up. "I'm never going to see my daughter again" he says, "I rang my mom and Bandit will be here soon" I smile as Bandit runs in and jumps onto the bed, "DADDY!!!" She screams "I missed you!"
"I missed you too kid" Gerard says giving Bandit a hug. "Why haven't you been at home?" She asks,
"Because I'm very poorly, the doctors are looking after me very well though" Gerard says, his eyes welling up with tears.
"When can you come home" she asks sweetly
"I don't know sweetheart" Gerard says holding bandit close, tears rolling down his cheek. He gives Bandit a kiss on the top of her head. "I love you daddy" she says quietly
"I love you too darling" gerard says wiping his eyes.
"I drew you a picture" she says showing a piece of paper "its uncle Mikey's unicorn" Gerard takes it and smiles "It's really good, it can stay on my table" and he props it up in front of his medication. Bandit jumps off the bed and gives me a hug, "when will you come home mommy?"
"I'm staying with daddy until he gets better sweet" I say
"Okay. Come home soon, I miss you" and she skips off to my mom.
I hold Gerard hand and he says, "Lindsey, I really don't want to die, I need to see my daughter grow up"
"You won't die baby," I say as the doctor walks in. "The tumour is cancerous but we have prolonged his life expectancy to about 6-7 days yet it has pressed on a part of the brain that controls the legs, he will be temporarily paralysed from the waist down""
"So I will die soon?" Gerard asks
"Yes, I'm so sorry" she says and walks out.
"Oh" I sigh
I ring my mom and say "hi mom, can I talk to bandit please"
"Daddy has something to tell you" I say passing the phone to gerard, he has a long conversation with her.
The next day the doctor comes in and says "Gerard won't be able to leave the hospital" I can't stop crying. Bandit runs in again and jumps onto Gerard "DADDY!!!!!" She squeals "When can you come home and play princess' with me?"
"I can't sweetheart" Gerard sighs
"Oh" She says, "I've really missed you!"
"I have missed you too baby, I can't come home" Gerard says
"Why?" She asks
"Because I'm very poorly" Gerard says softly
"Why are you?" She asks
"Because there is a lump on daddy's brain that is very dangerous" he says, a tear rolling down his cheek.
"Don't cry daddy" she says softly
"I have to tell you something darling, Daddy is going to be an angel soon" I say softly.
"Daddy is going to heaven?" She cries
"Yeah I'm sorry hunny" I say holding her close to me, I wipe her eyes and give her a kiss on the cheek. "Can I stay here with Daddy until he becomes an angel" she asks me
"Of course you can" I say as she climbs onto Gerard and falls asleep, "I'm never going to see her grow up" he says a tear rolling down his cheek as he rubs her back. "I know, I know" I sigh and give him a kiss
"Why does this have to happen to me?" He asks
"I really don't know gee" I yawn and fall asleep.
The next day Bandit wakes me up "Daddy said he has a really bad headache"
"Okay" I say getting up and giving him his morphine. "You feel better now Gee?" I ask him
"Yeah, much better thanks" he says giving me a kiss
"I don't want daddy to go and be an angel, I want him to stay with me" bandit sobs
"I don't either sweet" I say giving her a hug and wiping the tears away from her eyes. She climbs onto the bed and hugs Gerard, he shoots me a mournful look as tears roll down my cheeks. He reaches over and pulls me into a hug with bandit and whispers into my ear, "I love you Lindsey Ann Way".
The next morning I wake to hear the beeps getting slower, I hold his hand and he holds it back, I kiss his lips and get a soft kiss back, I whisper into his ear "Good Bye Gerard, I will always love you. Sleep tight" he manages to gasp "I love you too, and you bandit baby" with his last couple of breaths, I stroke his hand as there is an ear piercing beep, bandit gives him a last cuddle saying "please wake up daddy". Tears fall out of my eyes as the doctor un plugs the life support."Is daddy an angel now?" Bandit asks
"Yeah darling" I sniff.
"I need a cuddle off my daddy" she whispers
"He can't give you a cuddle babe" I say holding her as she sobs. "All my friends have daddy's but I don't" she sniffs
"I know baby" I say as she climbs onto the bed and gives Gerard a cuddle, I move the hair away from his beautiful, pale, flawless face. I kiss his cold cheek and hold his hand, I don't want to ever let go. My beautiful, kind husband is gone, gone forever. Suddenly the TV comes on "Rock Icon Gerard Way has died from cancer at the age of 34" the presenter announced. I turn off the TV tears falling out of my eyes.
"Don't cry mommy" bandit whispers as I walk to the other side of the bed and lie next to Gerard, sobbing and running my fingers through his soft, bright red hair.
About 10 minutes later the doctor walks in and says "we need to do an autopsy"
"Okay, come on darling" I say giving gerard one last kiss as the take him away.
I take Bandit to the park and push her on the swings, "I miss daddy" she quivers
"I miss daddy too" I say
"Why did god want daddy in heaven?" She asks
"I don't know baby" I reply squeezing my eyes shut as Frank runs up to me
"How is he?" Frank asks and I break down sobbing
"Oh, what happened lindsey?" Frank asks
"He died!" I sob.
"Oh My Fucking God" Frank gasps. "Let me take you to our house" he says taking me and Bandit to his car.
When we arrive at Franks house Jamia comes up to me and asks "how's Gerard?" I break down sobbing once again and Jamia asks "what happened linds?"
"He's dead" I whisper
"Oh, shit" she says giving me a hug. "You can stay at ours for as long as you want hun" she adds
"Thank you Jamia" I stutter, wiping my eyes.
"Its fine" she smiles "want a coffee or something"
Can I have a coffee please" I ask spotting a picture of Frank and Gerard being stupid on the wall, I smile and sink into the seat as Jamia brings me a coffee, "thanks" I smile as she sits down next to me. "If you need anything just ask" she says and see's me looking at all the pictures of Frank and Gerard. "They had such good memories together" she pipes up
"Yeah" I stammer tears falling out of my eyes again. Jamia puts an arm around me and passes me a tissue. Suddenly the radio turns on and cancer plays, I burst out in tears, my head is full of the amazing memories me, Gerard and Bandit had together; our wedding day, when bandit was born, bandit's first christmas, bandit's first birthday. I wipe my eyes and think "Gerard wouldn't want me to be upset, he would want us all to be happy no matter what" and a smile appears on my face. Bandit runs downstairs with Cherry and Lily "Mommy, want to play Fairies with us?" Bandit asks
"In a minute hunny" I say as my phone rings, I answer it.
"Hi, are you okay lindsey?" My mom asks
"Oh my god, seriously"
"Yeah, he died this morning"
"Oh, I'm so sorry"
"Don't be sad, he'd want us to be happy"
"Yeah, want me to come round?"
"Yeah please, I'm at Jamia's and Franks"
"Okay, see you later"
"Bye" and I hang up, I walk up the stairs and go and play fairies with Bandit, Cherry and Lily. Cherry asks "Where is uncle Gerard?"
"He's an angel in heaven hun" I reply
"Will he visit us?" She adds
"I don't know darling" I say as we all walk downstairs and my mom is at the door, I give her a hug and she picks bandit up.
"How are you feeling" she asks me
"I'm sort of okay, still shocked" I reply
"I'm not surprised" she says putting Bandit down. All of our memories flood though my mind, all of the good times and the bad times, a smile appears on my face "I'm gonna go home Jamia" I smile "thank you for having me" and I walk home.
When I get home I walk in and look at all of the pictures hanging up. A tear slips out of my eye and I think "Gerard would want us to be happy, don't cry Lindsey" I walk up the stairs and into our room, I look at all of his clothes on the floor and pick up a shirt. I hug the shirt and I can smell his deodorant. Tears pour out of my eyes and I sob really loudly. Bandit comes in and sits on the bed "what's wrong mommy?" She asks sweetly giving me a cuddle
"Nothing hunny" I say, putting the shirt back on the floor as she walks out, I bury my face in his pillow and sob.
A few minutes later my phone rings and I answer it. "Hi christa"
"Hiya, you ok?"
"Oh......... How's gerard?"
"H-h-e he died early this morning"
"Oh, shit" she says, sounding shocked "how is bandit coping?"
"She seems ok"
"When is the funeral?"
"I don't know yet, I need help planning it”
"Do you want me to come over?"
"Yes please" and I hang up.
About half an hour later Christa and Ray arrive at my house and we go onto the computer, I look up black flowers and find a beautiful bouquet of flowers. I order the words Gerard and Dad, I also order a beautiful black carriage with black horses.
A few weeks later Gerards funeral comes around, I sit in the car behind the carriage, tears fall down my face as Mikey puts his arm around me and Bandit. When we arrive at the church I walk down to the open casket and place a rose inbetween his fingers, I give him a kiss and walk to the first set of pews, Mikey and Frank sit either side of bandit sits on my lap. After the priest says some words I walk up and say "gerard was a kind, caring, amazing man, he loved his daughter with all he had, I really hope he's happy where ever he is" I sit back down tears falling down my face as mikey walks up and speaks about his amazing brother. A few minutes later we walk to the edge of the grave and wish Gerard a final goodbye.