We would both have to deal with the consequences, even though it wasn’t her fault at all.
As my eyes blinked open I couldn’t hold on to a single piece of my dream, everything evaporated and it was as if I hadn’t dreamt at all. “We’re here.” Mikey repeated, smiling down at me from outside of the car. The door was open and Gerard was gathering candy from the back seat.
My foot had fallen asleep so it took a little extra effort to get up and stay up, ‘It’s pretty out here’ almost slipped from my lips but then I remembered that this wasn’t some vacation. I was being held against my will. So, instead I simply took in the view.
I could feel Mikey behind me and then Gerard’s heavier footsteps joined us. He walked with a purpose whereas I was simply looking around, and Mikey was walking with me. I watched as Gerard walked past us, headed towards a curve of trees that I assumed led towards Mikey’s home.
“Are you ready?” Mikey’s breath tickled my neck as he spoke in to my ear, causing me to jump in partial surprise. I’d stopped walking without realizing it.
“It’s kind of creepy out here…” I glanced around at all of the trees I’d thought were beautiful just minutes ago. “There is a lot of coverage. It’s as if you’re hiding something.” Fuck.
“Well, now I kind of am.” Mikey admitted, “But before I just preferred the privacy. Plus this is the house that I grew up in. My parents passed it down to me. Gerard got the other family house but he wrecked it with all of his parties. It’s not as beautiful as it once was.”
“Where did your parents go when they gave you guy’s their homes?” My cramped legs slowly walked forward, showing my hesitance with each step.
“They actually planned to travel as soon as Gerard and I were 18. It was always their plan and so now they are in Europe. They check in every now and then but… I don’t think they really want to come back anytime soon. They expected much more out of the both of us.”
“They didn’t expect their sons to turn in to criminals? How shocking.” The words freely fell from my mouth and I didn’t even regret the look of hurt on Mikey’s face. He deserved whatever pain I could serve him.
“They expected Gerard to be a writer for a big company, maybe even publish books or art, or both.” Mikey spoke softly and I found myself surprised that he was still even talking to me.
“What did they expect of you?” I tried to think of what future Mikey could possibly hold but nothing really came to mind. I didn’t know much about him, I definitely didn’t know enough to be living with him… or to make any assumptions about him.
Mikey sighed, “They expected me to go to medical school actually. I had the grades for it, and all of the recommendations.”
“Why haven’t you?” That was impressive.
“A part of me still believes I can make my dreams come true and I don’t want to go that far off path, wasting all my time buried by school…” Mikey shook his head, “And I… I don’t want someone’s blood on my hands. What if I made a mistake? I couldn’t handle that.”
“You seemed to handle-“ I was about to talk about my brother but I stopped myself, not wanting to re-visit that subject just yet. “What is your actual dream then?”
Mikey shook his head, losing his smile. “It doesn’t matter now. What about you? What are your aspirations?”
I snorted at the question, “Because my dreams matter now.” I sarcastically spit out, realizing that was something I hadn’t even thought of yet. Things that had been stolen from me… they weren’t sinking in just yet but they would, and when they did life would hurt a lot more than it currently did.
“What?” Mikey’s ignorance simply infuriated me further.
“I’m guessing there aren’t many career choices as your bitch, apart from cleaning and fucking.” I spit the words out with as much hate as I possibly could and it was obvious that it had an impact on Mikey. He stepped backwards, as if the words had physical force attached to them.
“Wait, hold up…” Mikey stopped and I stopped as well, humoring him. “I’m not going to be forcing you to clean or fuck. Is that clear?”
I just shook my head, not wanting to have this conversation with him.
“No, is that clear Dylan?” Mikey repeated, tone becoming firm as he stressed each word.
The tears pricked at my eyelids but I forced them away, “Nothing is clear anymore /Mikey./” I spit his name out, as he had spit mine out.
Mikey didn’t start walking and I had no idea where to go without him so I waited, wanting him to just stop talking. It wasn’t making anyone feel any better about the situation, which didn’t make sense anymore.
“I know things are fucked up right now.” Mikey nervously scratched the back of his head as he searched for words he could apply to the situation without sounding like a dumbass. “And I understand that you don’t trust me-“ That was an understatement if I’d ever heard one. “-but if there is one thing I can request of you… it would be this; Don’t give up on whatever dream you have because without that dream you have nothing. When you give up on dreams you die inside and it’s the kind of death that I don’t wish to see again.” He glanced in the direction of his brother and I felt that he was speaking from experience, and not just with Gerard.
I wanted to hate Mikey, and I wanted to hate Gerard. I wanted to hate them so much for what they’d done to my family but hate wasn’t something so easily felt. In order to truly hate someone you had to care for them, and that was something I had yet to come to terms with. I didn’t hate Gerard yet, nor did I hate Mikey but each step I took in to their lives took me dangerously closer to caring. Now I was stuck. You couldn’t live with someone without developing some kind of emotion. I wanted to keep my emotions strictly hateful but could I really do that?
Dylan’s eyes took in the house, widening as we came closer. “Don’t you think this is a bit much for one person?” She finally asked.
“Well, now it will be the two of us.” I responded, shrugging. “You get used to the space.”
“Where did Gerard go?” She stepped inside, hesitatingly glancing outside. I watched the way her lips curved downwards, in to a frown. She wasn’t happy. Would that ever change? Now that we were home I doubted my choice. How was it a good idea for me to buy her? That just means more jail time… This couldn’t go on forever, could it? Not with that frown on her face.
“He’s out at the guest house I’m assuming. He doesn’t generally come in unless he wants to talk.” We awkwardly stood in the entry hall until I spoke up again, “Would you like me to show you around or did you want to get some sleep first?”
“Actually, I got some of that icee on me… would you mind if I showered?” Dylan’s eyes lingered on me for a few seconds before she added, “Alone.”
I was somewhat stung at the fact that she seemed to think I was going to try something but on the other hand it made me really, really want to try something. It was as if ever since I put her as ‘off-limits’ in my mind, she’d become so much more alluring. That and now that she was in the clear light I could see just how damn sexy she was. Even up on that stage when I bought her… she looked so sexy in the spotlight. I just wished I could see her smile. I had a feeling that she had a very beautiful smile.
“I need to shower as well.” I touched my arm, having forgotten about it. “I’m quite sticky.” I placed the finger in my mouth, “And I taste like blueberry.”
Dylan chuckled quietly but her lips didn’t turn upwards. She was very good at hiding her humor and her pain because I couldn’t really read any emotions on her face and if I hadn’t heard the small chuckle I wouldn’t even have known the statement amused her. “Come on, there are two showers upstairs.”
Dylan followed me up the stairs, saying nothing. I wanted to know how she was feeling but at the same time I didn’t. I’d never hurt someone as much as I’d hurt her. I didn’t want to know just how much she hated me. I didn’t want to hear about everything in her life I’d ruined. I didn’t really want to see her cry…
I just wanted things to be okay.
I’d made this mistake though. I would have to fix it, even if the glue didn’t keep her pieces in place. We would both have to deal with the consequences, even though it wasn’t her fault at all.
There would be tears and there would be pain and sooner or later… there would probably be death. I couldn’t deny that to myself but it was something Dylan didn’t need to know for a long, long time… hopefully.