FUCK I BLOODY MISSED ALL YOU DELIGHTFUL LITTLE FUCKERS!
Second of all:
I'd love it if someone could email me if there's been any more drama. :D
Anyway- this, the third Update On My Whereabouts- is basically a recount of my trip. At some parts, a massive-ass rant. Enjoy.
So. Sydney. We arrived there, rested. Mam fucking woke me up by saying BVB were on TV. Guess what? BVB were not on TV. Grrrrrrrrrr. Anyway- we had fish and chips that night, Uncle Ed (my gay uncle called Ed) came over, Horrible Histories was on and I died when Mat Baynton winked because he is gorgeous and I love that show. We slept. Yeah. Next morning, we sent Mam off on a plane to go visit the Devil AKA her mother. Well, adopted mother. We (Dad, Jack and a very grumpy Claire) went off to breakfast. My bloody brother threw up in the lobby. EW. Yeah. After breakfast, we waited for Uncle Ed to come pick us up and drive to Abercrombie Caves. That took three hours and since I hate car trips, I sat and sulked in the back. Meh heh heh heh. Anyway, we got there and ,et up with my Uncle Pete. I have five uncles: two on my dad's side (Uncle Ed and Uncle Peter) and three on my mam's (Uncle Dean, Uncle Mick and Uncle Bruce). Uncle Dean has a fucking epic beard, fuckloads of tattoos, a really nice fiancé and two stepsons who actually are slightly attractive. I mean, I'd be drooling over them if they looked like Gerard and Mikey but yeah. They were decent. Anyway, a few hours later. We had dinner, which consisted of raw fish. Needless to say, I had an orange for dinner. After a horrendous dinner, I'm dealing with three drunk men playing Think Golf! and it's a motherfucking disaster. I could hear them yelling over 'The Drug In Me Is You' turned up full volume. Then, we went to bed and slept. Next day, we went out to the caves. They're actually really amazing and turns out you can get married in them. I now have three or four ideal places to get married. Anna better fucking take note of that. Then, we went home and my throat started feeling weird. I told my dad and he looks down my throat and BOOM! I'm rushed off to hospital 'coz my pharyngitis is starting up again. We get to this hospital, quack looks down my gob and says I just have a flu. Which is fucking bullshit. We get home and dinner consists of raw steak, corn and potato salad. I hate mayo so I have some corn and an apple. Uncle Pete decides that I have an eating disorder coz I'm not eating any of his bullshit food. We played HeroQuest, which is sort of like Dungeons and Dragons, and I lose and go off to cuddle next to the fire. We all go to bed and yeah. Next day, we drive back to Sydney and Dad, Jack and I check into the Novotel again and stay a few nights. We had to face the dreaded grandmother. The day we rocked up in Sydney, we had to go to an old folk's home. One thing I learned from this trip is that I don't like old people's homes. Seeing as I had my iPod with me, I had shitloads of MCR on it and showed pics to my grandma and she hated them. I showed her BVB and Panic! too. She does not like Andy Biersack. At all. Then we had to take the old bird out for dinner because my dad is a sucker for puppy dog eyes. She has a few too many drinks at the bar, she makes us drive to a bottle shop and pick her up two bottles of booze and Uncle Ed tries to kill her a few times. Anyway, we have to spend roughly two days at the old folk's home, then- WE GO TO FUCKING TASMANIAAAAAA! We fly there, I watch some shitty Nickelodeon show and draw a clock and then we're there. We get our rented car and drove to Rosebery AKA Hick Town. On the way, I spotted nine dead animals. Pleasant drive, eh? We stop by the side of the road about twice- the first time to get our 'good luck charm' which happens to be a camel dangly thing. No, not a camel penis, like a camel keychain. The second time, we were almost in Rosebery. Dad and Jack jumped out Togo have a piss in a bush and I put on more eyeliner and mascara. We rescued our lovely mother from the clutches of Nan- wait, I haven't even described that woman yet. My nan is like Jabba the Hutt. She's fucking ENORMOUS, man. She practically lives in one armchair, watching football and ordering my Pop about. The dog, Monty, owns the motherfucking house and I don't think I've ever seen my nan walk. It's horrible. Her feet are black. Anyway. She threatened to burn my mam because she wears a hijab (Muslim headscarf). She's a pretty awful woman. So, we rescued Mam from her, then went round to Kendall's house. Kendall is my sister and if Nan is the source of all evil, then Kendall is the sunshine that breaks through that shroud of evil. She is the nicest, kindest, most loving person EVER and I adore her. Her house is, admittedly, like a fucking hippie shop and I now know that she grew some weed in there. Yeah. Anyway, I got to cuddle with her cat Gus, who I nicknamed Garfield, pet Coda, her epic husky, and play Leo's drums. Leo is Kendall's boyfriend of... fuck, almost 10 years? He's an awesome dude. He's got Tourette's and smokes like a chimney. He likes rocks too. So. We saw them and decided that we would meet up for dinner at the Tullah chalet. That chalet is the exact place my parents held their wedding reception and whenever we have to go to Rosebery we stay there. It's like a fucking village, its that small. So yadda yadda yadda, we went to Tullah, I got into an argument with my dad over the top bunk of the bunk beds Jack and I had to bedrugdingly share. I end up sleeping on the floor. We got ready, I wore some killer boots, and we went to the restaurant. I spilled Vanilla Coke on a table. Yeah. Not my fault. Kendall and Leo rocked up and we got dinner. I shared some fish 'n' chips with my dear brother. I got some ice cream and it was delicious and yeah. So, we spent the night in Tullah, then made our way to dear ol' George Town/Low Head. Whenever we go to Tasmania, we ALWAYS go to George Town. Mainly because I want to. When we got up there, we got an unexpected surprise. My eldest brother, Jason, was meant to turn up the next day. Oh no- he was gonna arrive, girlfriend in tow, at 7:00 PM. That night. So yeah, Jack and I were buzzing. I hadn't seen Jas since February 9, 2010. Two fucking years. When he eventually arrived, I jumped on him. His girlfriend, Kirsty, was stick thin, a red head, and bore a striking resemblance to Jason's ex-wife. Mam made sure to emphasize that, calling Kirsty 'Renee' accidentally many times during their stay. We all got some sleep and next day, Jason and Kirsty took me and Jacko out to the nearest city: Launceston. For a while, me and Kirsty went clothes shopping and Jack and Jas went up to the toy section. After Kirsty picked up a few pairs of shorts and shit, we went upstairs and found Jack drooling over the goddamn Nerf gun Jas had promised him. So we bought those and then we ended up in Sanity (a CD shop). I found... -drumroll- THE BLACK FUCKING PARADE. AND 21ST CENTURY FUCKING BREAKDOWN. And guess what? Jason bought them for me. -dies of fucking perfection- We had lunch (KFC), Jason went to a sports store and bought some $200 rope, we went to a candy store and came back with bulging paper bags. So yeah. Next few days are smooth sailing. Mainly, Jason and Kirsty go out during the day, the rest of us boring fuckers stay home and fish. Literally. We'd go down to the beach and fish. Or in my case, sit on rocks and listen to music and dream of being in a band. Then, uh, one day, Jason got sent out to bring Kendall back. Then: BOOM. THE LIGHTS GO OUT. Those lights go out for, meh, three hours? Kendall came back. We played Old Maid. We laughed at Jason who cursed at whatever cards he got. Once again: disaster strikes. Mam got a message from Ryan which says he might not come down to George Town. We all go 'AW WHAT?' and Kendall sent off this long-ass, sentimental message and... she changed his mind. He's coming. He's a tricky feller, my Ry. It is decided- Ryan James Page is coming to George Town. Oh yeah. Next day, we got all ready and drove to a small town about ten minutes away from the airport. We ended up in a cafe. I had a lemonade and two scoops of Valhalla Ice Cream. VALHALLA IS THE BEST ICE CREAM OKAY. Then. We went on down to the airport and found that dear old Ry's place has been delayed. Kendall bought a shitty magazine and we read that. We waited. Then, 40 fucking minutes later, the plane touches down and people start flying out of it. I almost ran and hugged a guy with an afro coz I thought it was Ry. Yeah. When he did come out, we hugged him and cuddled him and Kendall was wearing her cat lady jumper (a leopard print cardigan). We drove back, cuddled Ry more, yeah. For the next few days, that was it. We cuddled Ry. Kendall did scene/emo make up on me. Think 'bright pink panda eyes'. It was wicked. We went to a lavender farm, there was a cat there, I named it Jinxx and learned it liked butt rubs. I was rubbing that cat's tail for... quite a while. She was adorable and I hated leaving her. Ooh, if you're ever in Tassie, I recommend going to Bridestowe Estate. The lavender ice cream is SUBLIME. Then, the heartbreaking day came. Kendall left. Yeah, there was a bit of crying going on. Yeah. Same day, Ry took me and Jacko downtown. We walked for, like, 4 km. Say what you like, it was fucking tiring. So yeah. We had hot chips and spiders (ice cream and soda) and it was delicious and we got a taxi back. Yeah. Next day, Ry left. Now THAT was a lotta crying. Then, a few days later, we left. Jason had left to go off snowboarding and yeah. One day, we went to Devonport to go meet up with my Uncle Dean, the one with the epic beard and the tattoos and the pierced ear. He has a fiance and two stepsons. Marie is so nice, and she's pretty too. Austin and George are nice. Then, we went to go see Mam's friend Sandy, who I wanna be like when I'm 40. She's fucking EPIC. The sad thing is that her husband died in a motorcycle accident about 2 months ago. She's still so caught up in it, it's awful. But yeah. I watched Twilight there because I'm amazing and shit. Then, we went down to Port Arthur. If there's one place I could spend all my life, it would be Port Arthur. It's so fucking beautiful. Because Port Arthur is amazing, it's gonna be a whole different fucking paragraph.
Port Arthur. On our first day, we just walked around. Dear God, this part was meant to be all sentimental and pretty but I just put NA NA NA on and that totally ruins the atmosphere. But yeah, if you've ever been to P.A you'll know what I'm on about. It's stunning. We went on a ghost tour. Fuck, that was fucking freaaaaaky. Oh, and we went to the Isle of the Dead. It's so... agh, I can't describe it. I love P.A so much. If you were alive on 28th April 1996, you will have heard about the massacre there. I walkede round a memorial garden for that. Looking at the extensive list of people who have died there, I wonder what went through that sicko's mind when he opened fire at the Broad Arrow cafe. I hope he stays locked up in prison forever.
Then, we went to Hobart. God, Hobart is pretty. Their Japenese food sucks ass though. Me no likey Japanese food. Spent two days down there, saw a cute guy in The Reject Shop, saw a dude who looked like Ray Toro walking behind us. Fuck, if it had been Ray, I woulda died. But yeah. As it happens, there's a lotta cute dudes in Hobart. But the one at TRS was.... asdfghjkl. He looked around twenty but pfffft. He had amazing hair. I can most definitely say I did NOT go on a massive Kelly Clarkson kick. Nah. I promise you that I didn't. (Obviously lying there.) I also went on a massive, massive The Used, Evanescance, The Academy Is..., and Adam Lambert kick. Dear God. I do have a list of stuff I need to listen to. Would you like to read it? Fuck, I know you want to read it.
-We Are In The Crowd
-Fearless Vampire Killers
-We Came as Romans
-Of Mice and Men
-(More) All Time Low
-The Smashing Pumpkins
-(More) Sigur Ros (Untitled No. 1 is.... heartbreaking)
-(More) Sleeping with Sirens
-(More) Mindless Self Indulgence
-Sam's Town by The Killers
Basically, I read a Rock Sound magazine and looked at a whole bunch of bands that look good. Remind me to download all of those. Plus BOTDF. INNOCENT HIGH FTW. Yeah. Any other music recommendations?
Oh yeah. When we were going from Hobart to Launceston, we walked into the best littl crepe & pancake shop EVER. The dude was really friendly.
So now. Will be home in roughly three days. Don't miss me too much. I still laaaahve you.