While Edith is living in Canada and planning for her trip to NYC, let's see what has been going on in Jersey during these 7 years.
Damn, stupid sunlight. I hate when Emma wakes up before me. She opens up the curtains and the stupid sunlight comes in. What time is it? Oh crap! It's 11! I'm suppose to meet up with Ray and work on our chords for the new song Gerard wrote. Fuck!
I jump out of bed and head to the restroom. When I'm done with my necessities, I put on some random pants and tee and step outside.
In our living room, Emma and Ray drink tea and coffee whilst watching the News.
"good morning." I say rubbing my eyes and going into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee.
"it's about time you woke up. I've been here since 9am!" Ray says throwing me a pillow.
"shut up. You're annoying. Good morning beautiful." I kiss Emma's head as I have every morning for the past 5 years. We have been living together since she graduated high school and I already had my own place. It's been wonderful with only us two around.
"there are waffles in the stove if you'd like."
"nah I'm good. Not hungry but thanks anyway. Ray Toro, let's get down to business." I say reaching for my guitar.
"I don't have my guitar with me."
"what the hell then?!"
"I thought we were going over to the garage."
"fine. I'll see you later my love." I get up and kiss her on the lips.
"have fun you guys." she says and changes the channel. We walk downstairs to the parking lot and head to his car.
"is it only us two or the others."
"I think the others too. If they're joining then they're probably there already."
"okay cool." we step inside. He starts the car and make his way out.
We go to the Way's house. We use their garage to rock out but sometimes, when it's only Ray and I, we use his garage.
We knock on the side door and Mikey opens up.
"t'sup Mikey." we say and make our way in.
"Gerard isn't here yet?" Ray asks.
"no, he called and said the Ferry is taking forever."
"why doesn't he just drive over here?"
"oh Gerard. Why didn't he just look for an apartment here in Jersey?"
"school is closer in New York." Mikey replies.
"still.. This wouldn't have happened if he lived here."
We heard loud steps outside the garage inside the house. Then the door bursted open.
"hey I'm here! I'm here!" Gerard yells almost falling to the ground.
"dude, you look horrible." I tell Gerard. He looks more pale than usual and he has dark circles around his eyes.
"yeah. Whatever. Let's do this." he says and steps in further in the garage. We all feel pity for him. We all know he's been popping pills again. That's sort of a new thing he's done but he's been drugging himself for a long time now. Not so often but there is always a time in the year where he does it everyday for about a month. We all know why. The Anniversary we call it because it is an anniversary. Every October he does that and has been doing it for about 6 years. A year after his brake up. It really fucked him over.
"okay that's it for today." we called it a quits at 2pm. We practiced for an upcoming gig we have this Saturday. We put our instruments down and go upstairs to the living room to eat some chips and drink beer. It's our normal routine after practice.
"good afternoon." we say to Ms. Way who's sitting at the kitchen table.
"how are the My Chemical Romanians going?"
"mom, we told you not call it that." Mikey replies tossing us the bottle of beers.
"okay fine. Practicing for a gig?"
"yeah." Gerard replies letting himself fall on the couch next to me and passing me a large bag of chips.
Suddenly, we hear a phone ring.
"ahh yes! Phone call from my angel. Hello Jade!" Mikey says getting up from the couch and heads outside. I notice Gerard glare at Mikey as he steps outside.
"I just remembered Jade has been gone for quite some time now." I say out loud.
"I heard she's coming for thanksgiving." Ray answers.
"really? Who told you?."
"that's great. I'm gonna throw a party for thanksgiving! everyone's invited you hear that Ms. Way!?"
"sure did" she replies.
"it's about 3 months till thanksgiving and your making plans already." Gerard says so coldly.
"yeah why not?! Got a problem punk?!" I throw him a pillow and he dodges it. He throws it back hard.
"hey that hurt."
He chuckles at my pain. Jerk.
"I'm going to my room." he announces and goes to the basement.
"what's up with him?" I ask Ray. He shrugs and turns the TV on.
Screw everyone right now. Fuck Mikey and his love phone calls with stupid Jade. Ugh I swear, everyone seems to have found their soulmate and I'm the only one here alone.
But of course it's my fault
I let her go.
I lay in my bed face down and scream into my pillow. My life has gone down hill since I broke up with her. I can't seem to get her out of my head after so many years of not seeing her. I have not heard her voice once since. Or maybe once, Mikey was talking on the phone with her. She asked for me. She asked to talked to me but I refused to. I was stupid. But I felt so guilty for what I did to her. I knew it would only hurt me more to talk to her since I knew there was no way I could be with her again. So I didn't want to hear her voice because it would make things a lot worse.
Damn it I'm the dumbest person alive. Back then it seemed like such a bad idea to speak to her but now, I want to hear her voice. I don't care if I can't have her anymore. I feel her voice can bring back myself value. But then again, I think it'll drag me into drugs even more. I can't stop intoxicating myself. It's the only warmth I feel since it helps me feel mellow and not feel anything at all. But I know I have to stop. It's ruining me. Everyone has told me. But everyone has stopped telling me because I don't listen. But I need to stop. I don't want to end up in the streets.
I hear footsteps coming closer and louder. Then a knock.
"hey Gee it's me Frank."
He opens the door and slides inside.
"what's up?" I ask sitting up.
"nothing. Just want to talk. We haven't talked in a while since, since you have been 'ill'" he does quotations with his fingers over his head.
"what is that suppose to mean?"
"you know exactly what it's suppose to mean. Look Gee, no one likes to see you this way. And everyone is tired of telling you to stop. I am too, but I care a lot about you."
"I know I need stop." I let myself fall back on my bed.
"then why don't you?"
"I can't. That's why."
"listen Gee," he moved over to the bed and sits by my legs and places a hand on my knee, "I know it's hard. But c'mon, it's been 7 years."
"easy for you to say."
"no it isn't. I feel your pain."
"no you don't."
He scoffs, "yes I do. Trust me. But differently. Look, I can't explain but I know how it feels okay?"
"well anyway, I'll stop. Soon. Okay?"
"mm, okay Gee.. Just know your my best friend and I love you okay?"
"alright. So.. I'm leaving. Kay?"
I don't open my eyes. I just wave goodbye.
I hear the door open and close and then I open my eyes to find myself alone in my room. I get up and look at myself in the mirror.
"look at you. What happened to you? You're only 24 and you look older. What happened to healthy looking Gerard?" I pick up a photo frame with the picture of her and I in it. 7 years ago for her 16th birthday. We were outside of her apartment with Mikey. I gave her a piggy back ride and we stopped to take a picture. My smile was wide and in "love" as I had the love of my life on my back.
"she took the healthy me with her to stupid Canada" I mock to myself knowing it's not her fault. It's mine. I throw myself on my bed again holding the picture to my chest.
"Edith, I'm sorry." I whisper and fall asleep.
I arrive at my apartment and before entering, I look up at my window. I sigh with a smile and step inside.
"I'm home!" I yell in Emma's ear as she does her homework on the kitchen table. She's studying to be a vetenarian. I plop on the couch with a bag of chips and watch Space Chimps.
"how was practice?" she says coming towards me and sitting on my lap.
"it was okay. Gerard wasn't okay again."
"poor him. Why don't we just make him and Edith talk? Like on the phone?"
"I don't think it'll be a good idea. I mean, who knows if she'll want to? For all we know, she could have a boyfriend or be married or something."
"I'm sure if she got married she would call."
"I guess. But still.. We should go up there and visit sometime."
"but I ain't got money for shit. Only for us to live."
"don't say it like that Frankie! You say it like if we're poor. We're not poor!"
"I know but still. Soon, we'll have a better place to live in okay?"
"I'm fine wherever we live, as long as I'm with you." she kisses me deeply and doesn't let go. I pick her up and lay her down on the couch. We keep kissing as I lay on top of her and she entangles her fingers in my hair.
"I love you Emma." I whisper.
"I love you too but I really have to get back to my homework." she whispers back. I smile.
"right. I understand." I say and get off her.
"Frankie? Don't get me wrong please, but I hate homework and I want to get it done as soon as possible."
"no I get it. I understand. No harm feelings."
"Kay." she gets up from the couch and kisses me. Then she goes back to kitchen table and starts doing her homework.
"I'm gonna shower." I announce and lock myself in the bathroom.
"okay." I here her say. I undress myself and look at my naked body in the mirror.
"you muscular! Yes you are!" I mock an angry summo wrestler's voice. Then I kiss my pistols and step inside the shower.
I have known Emma for a long time and we have been together for about 7 years. It's my longest relationship ever. I'm sure she's the one I want to marry. I can't picture myself without her.
But the weirdest thing is... Obviously, a couple that has been together this long has had sex a kazillion times. I'm sure Eddie and Gee would have. But Emma and I, haven't had sex once.
Yup, never. I mean, I don't care. She has told me she isn't ready. But she never tells me why. And I've never tried to ask. I'm afraid of what she might say. What if she says she doesn't love me enough for sex? I don't think I can take that. But I doubt. She loves me and I love her! I'll wait as long as she wants because I love her!
Damn! I hate homework so much! I'm gonna stop for a moment.
I get a beer form the fridge and go sit on the couch.
I feel really bad for Gee. I wish I can help him but there isn't anything I could do. I can't just make Edith love him again or make her come back. Frank is right. She could have forgotten about Gee and get a boyfriend. But then Frank could be comepletly wrong. She could be as miserable as Gee right now. Who knows. Haven't spoken to her in months. Since Christmas. I wonder what she's up to. I wonder how she looks. Does she still look the same? Is she the same personality wise? Oh Edith, my best friend. I miss her so much. I wish she could visit but she told me she rather not. She doesn't want to bump into Gerard. It'll just be awkward. Oh well I guess. Nothing I can do about it..
"what time is it over there Jade?"
"a little passed 9pm." I yawn while speaking on the phone with Mikey.
"it's barely 4pm here. Wow, what a difference."
"I know. How's my mom?"
"she's good. Missing you and Eddie. I drop by a lot. To check on her and to keep her company. As well as the others."
"Gerard stills stops by?"
"how's he doing?"
"okay at times. Not so good though."
"oh.. What does he do?"
"hmm, has he stopped just a little?"
"just a little."
"wow. Has he talked to my sister?"
"not since the brake up."
"are you kidding me?!"
"nope. It's ridiculous right?"
"but you know, She doesn't call much and doesn't visit at all. And Gerard is too stubborn to talk with her. She called a while back and asked for him but he refused to speak. Imagine how she felt."
"only god knows..."
"yup, but.. I have a feeling.. They'll talk soon."
"I dont know.... I just do. I have a good feeling but very doubtful at the same time. Somethings coming... I miss you so much Jade. Are you sure you're coming for Thanksgiving?"
"I'm sure Mikey. I miss you so much too. It's been so long since I've kissed you."
"I know. I miss your lips."
"soon we'll be together okay sweetie? Now I have to go, my roommate is bugging me that I don't shut up."
"okay, I love you Jade and you have a goodnight okay?"
"thank you Mikey. Have a goodnight and I love you too."
I hang up the phone and sigh.
"will you just go to sleep Ariana!" I say and throw her a pillow.
"thank you for shutting up." she says sleepily.
I lie on my bed looking up at the ceiling. I always get like this every time I speak to Mikey. It's been 4 years since I've seen him. I won the scholarship I was working hard for. It was a tough journey but I won and here I am, studying at an English university. My dad's dream. And aslo mine. I'm planning on getting my PhD which means more studying and more time away from home. Oh god.. I want to be with my family again so badly...
I pay a visit to Ms. Lynn. See how she's doing. It's been a while since my last visit. I don't normally come alone. I usually come with Mikey but, he's busy.
"how's your band coming along?" she asks as we drink coffee.
"it's been going okay. We have more gigs now and we're having one this upcoming Saturday."
"oh that's great. What is it called again?"
"My Chemical Romance."
"that's very interesting. Who came up with such brilliant name?"
"uhh, Mikey. He saw it in some book. Thanks, everyone thinks its a cool name."
"why exactly did you guys agree with that name?"
"oh, just for our love for chemicals and stuff. Like... Alcohol and stuff.."
"Gerard.. I didn't know you drank... Since when?"
"auuh.. A while back. But I don't do it often. Just sometimes..."
I don't like lying to her. Its not right..
"hmm my boy, don't do it please. It's bad for you.. Please."
"yeah, I'll stop." Another lie
"listen Gerard, I love you like my own son. I care a lot about you. Please, I don't want you to end up hurt." she holds my hand tight with her fragile hand.
"yeah I will."
"I'm glad you came to visit. I like seeing you Gerard."
"I like seeing you too Ms. Lynn." She smiles at me while she drinks her coffee. This is my chance.
"Ms. Lynn uhh, by any chance... Do you have.. Edith's number?"
"oh of course. Do you want to give her a call?"
"yeah I do."
"I'll be right back." she goes inside her room. Oh man, that didn't go as bad as I thought. I thought she was going to question me.
"here you go. It's her cell phone and company number." she passes me a little note with two phone numbers.
"thank you so much." I say and I eagerly put the note in my pocket.
"Gerard, do you still love Edith?" That's the questioning I was talking about.
"dearly. I miss her so much."
"I know how you feel Gerard. I miss her too. Give her a call. She'll appreciate it. A mother knows." She winks and taps my hand again.
"thank you Ms. Lynn" I grin.
I walk as fast as I can in NYC where I live trying to find a pay phone. I don't want to call from a number she knows. I finally find a pay phone down the street from where I live.
"okay, here goes nothing." I dial in the number and then put in two quarters.
"oh my god."
Shit!! I scream in my head.
"hellooo?" she repeats again.
It's her! It's actually her oh my god! I'm too choked up that I can't speak! C'mon Gerard! Say something!
"um, hello!" I was able to say. But all I heard was, "your call has ended. Please deposit 25 cents to make another call."
Before I realized, I was crying. A tear fell on my free hand. I hung up the phone and made me way home.
In the distance, I heard a phone ring. I turned to look back and it was the pay phone. But I didn't go answer. I didn't have the guts to so I left and continued on my way home.