"I'm trying, I'm trying to let you know how much you mean!" he screamed into the microphone. I pushed my way through the crowd to get a better look of this guy but someone grabbed my waist tightly which took my breath away..
I opened my eyes and daylight coming in from the skylights burned my eyes. How can Harry handle this much sunlight?! I felt the squeeze again on my waist and found Harry gripping me tighter. For some reason we ended up in a spooning position. I moved my way out of his arms slowly and was successful until he grabbed my hand.
"awake so soon?" he said pulling me back in bed next to him. The morning cold dragged me back in bed with the help of Harry. We were back in a spooning position.
"how'd you sleep?" he asked.
"no bad dreams?"
"hmm, not really." Is being at a gig a scary dream?
"I don't remember dreaming." I add.
"I had a dream." he says.
"what was it about?"
"I was sailing in the ocean with a mermaid."
"what the hell?"
"yeah I dont know." he squeezes me tighter to him once more, then gets out of bed. I watch him go over to the bathroom.
"do you need to use the restroom because I'm gonna shower." he says standing by the door yawning.
"I'll wait. Thanks anyway."
"Kay." he closes the door and I hear the shower turn on a few seconds later.
What in the world was that dream about? First of all, a singer? I'm a dancer! Second, why in the fuck was I in a tutu and pointe shoes? And third, why do I feel like it was a scary dream? It gave me the creeps when I woke up from that squeeze. And the lyrics? Why are they fresh and clear in my mind? I'm trying, I'm trying to let you know how much you mean.Does that even make sense? Where did it come from? Damn dreams are a fucking mystery. I've never had this dream before. It was weird.
I sat silently over thinking my dream till suddenly, I don't know what got over me but I decided to open his drawer again and take another look. I turned around and faced the bathroom door. I still hear the shower on. So I snooped around his drawer.
Condoms? What is this suppose to mean? Is he a... Ladies man? Does he bring home girls? Is he a player like Carlos? Oh god, I just hope not. I don't want to regret moving to New York. Just thinking about all these bad scenarios makes me miss Canada and most of all, Carlos.
He was there for me every time I needed him. And I feel like I need a hug from him. I miss him so much and Canada. What if Harry was a bad idea? I really don't want to get more hurt than what I already have been for 7 fucking years.
I decide to just ignore these thoughts and stop thinking about nonsense. Just because there is condoms in his drawer doesn't really say anything about him. After all, he is a guy and condoms are totally normal to store away for any case you get a girlfriend and want to have sex. It's okay Edith, you're probably wrong.
I try to relax so I lie down in his bed again and make a call on my cell phone.
I'm here with my uhh.. Girlfriend..has repeated in my head since the moment I said it. I just hope she didn't hear me call her that because that'd be rather weird since she isn't my girlfriend. Then again, If she did hear, knowing her for this past week, I'm sure she would ask why I said it.
Girlfriend, Edith my girlfriend? Does that sound right? I've only known her for a week and I already feel like I really like her. Does that happen? Does she feel the same? It sure seems like it to my eyes. But there is something behind that stare she gives me and then looks away. I can see it. I feel like there is so much behind that stare. There is something deep she's hidden from me and maybe from everyone she knows. You can see it by the way she stares off into space sometimes. I want to ask, but I dont know if it's right. Then again, if I were to ask, what would I ask? It's so different that I cannot describe what her stare looks like. Is it a burden? Hesitation? Love? Or just plane thinking of nothing. There is so much to her that I want to know.
"yeah. No, I'm at a friend's house. Well, I- I'll explain later. I'll see. Can you just let me explain later?!" as I was drying myself, I heard Edith talk on the phone. A friend's house?
"hmm, let's go shopping! I've been dying to shop here. Kinda want to get a new tattoo. Yeah I know but, I want to get another one. I'm not in a ballet company anymore so there isn't any restrictions on how many tattoos I should have. Well, not that I know of." I stepped out of the bathroom to get some clean socks and found her lying on my bed.
"so what time? An hour after noon? Ok sure, I think I could make it. I'll see you. Bye." she clicks and stays silent.
"may I ask who you were talking to?" I ask as I step back in the restroom to put on some deodorant.
"my friend Annie. She lives here in New York and I'm going to crash with her while I'm here."
"oh. I see. Will you still visit me?" I ask and look at her as she approaches the restroom. She hugs me from behind and we look at each other from the mirror. I just realized how much shorter she is.
"of course." she kisses my bare shoulder right on my tattoo. She then let's go of my torso, but squeezes my butt. She instantly backs up and widens her eye as she covers her mouth with her hands.
"what was that?" I say and turn around to face her. She doesn't answer so I giggle.
"I, I'm sorry. I- I dont know why I did that." her voice softens.
"it's okay. I'm not mad. It just surprised me." I hug her and kiss her forehead.
"you can use the restroom now." I smile and step out of the restroom and close the door.
I look at myself in the mirror and feel stupid. You need to forget Gerard, Edith. Or at least not think about him when you are with Harry. For some reason, for that one second, Harry reminded me of Gerard and that is the biggest mistake that could ever happen because if it happened once, it could happen a second time. You use to do that with Gerard. You can't be doing that with Harry. That's just not right. It's disrespectful for what you have with Harry. This.."relationship" should be different from your past one.
"um, Harry?" I called once I was done in the shower. I needed a towel and there wasn't any in here.
"Harry?" I opened the door slightly. The cold breeze that came in sent shivers down my spine. He wasn't inside. Shit. I closed the door again and decided to step outside in only bra and underwear and look for a towel.
I stepped outside and it was freaking cold. I look around and luckily, I find a towel. I went outside the room and looked down to the living room; he isn't there either.
"shit. I have to get my cloths." I say to myself. So I risk it and go downstairs in my towel.
When I make my last step down the stairs, Harry comes in from the main door.
"uhh, I was jut getting my suitcase." I say standing awkwardly in a towel. He looks at me from head to toe.
"are you, naked?"
"no! I'm in bra and underwear."
"oh okay. 'Cause then that'd be awkward."
"yeah. It would."
"want me to carry it upstairs?"
"please?" he smiles and carries the suitcase upstairs as I follow him. He sets it down and smiles.
"thank you so much. You're so sweet." I get on my tippy toes and kiss his cheek.
"your welcome gorgeous. I'll be downstairs."
"Kay." he closes the door behind him and I open my luggage.
"what should I wear? Harry mentioned he was going to give me a tour today around the studio. And all of a sudden it gets fucking hot." I grabbed what popped in my head as I thought of my schedule today. I put on my denim ripped shorts with studs on the pockets and my Def Leppard tee. I put on my leather boots and I leave my hair down to air dry. I also put on my usual make up. Black eye liner above my eye lids and mascara with a bloody red lipstick. I love this lipstick because even though I eat, it won't come off. That's freaking cool. Exactly what I need.
"ooh, an omelette." I sat down to eat across him, "mm, you made this? This is so good!"
"well I did tell you I love cooking."
"oh that's right. Finally you cook something for me!"
"want some juice or coffee or.."
"I'll have some juice."
"alright." he got up to get a pitcher
"try this." he handed me a cup of a dark red liquid.
"hmm, what is it?"
"a Bloody Mary." he mocked a British accent.
"this early in the morning?"
"it's perfect for the morning! It gives your day a great taste. Don't worry, it doesn't have too much liquor."
"you're a weird guy."
"full of energy." he reaches across the table and plants a kiss on my cheek.
We enjoy our delicious food and talk about New York and the studio and what "surprises" he has for me. From what I've been through, I don't like surprises as much as I use too. My life has been full of surprise from the day my mother got that damn job here in New Jersey. I can't say they were all bad though. There were some good ones around.
We drive somewhere deep in the Apple. I've never been deep in New York before and never have seen it this close. It's a cool experience. We park right outside a rather large building that says "American Vision Contemporary Dance Company". We step inside and there is a mid aged lady sitting down at a front desk.
"good morning Harry." she says without looking up.
"good morning Lydia, can I have one of those pins for new guests?"
"sure. Is she new?" she says passing the pin. He hands it over to me. AV in bold black letters surrounded by a white background.
"yes. Edith, this is Lydia. Lydia, this Edith from AV ballet."
"nice to meet you." I say extending my arm as her smile widens to a grin.
"ooh, I've heard about your work." she says excitedly.
"oh really. That's great."
"you're great." she adds. I grin and Harry pulls me into an elevator.
"you're well known around here." he says with a wink.
Me? Well known? Flattering.
We exit the elevator to a hallway full of doors.
I try to catch up to Harry who for some reason, has been walking fast.
I look inside the windows on the doors and notice that they are full of costumes. Not all of them though, I can't tell because some either have no window or the light is turned off.
We make a left turn to end up in a room filled with darkness. I could barely make out Harry's figure moving to a wall and turning on a switch. The lights go up and I see we're in a performing theatre.
"this is where we perform sometimes if we're not performing somewhere else." we come out of the side stage and step into the middle of the platform. This theatre is big but not as big as AV ballet.
"you'll be up here soon." he says and pulls me closer to him by the waist. He kisses my cheek slightly and then looks up at the seats just like I am.
"this gives me chills. Just knowing I'll be here soon performing something I don't normally do."
"quite rad. Let's go somewhere." he lets go of me but holds my hand as we exit the other side of the stage. He lets go of my hand to turn off the lights but, doesn't grab my hand again..
We exit and we're in another hallway. A smaller one this time. We exit a wide door and into another hallway, a lot classier. We go into a door and end up in a big studio where there are about 10 dancers and a choreographer. The dancers are moving along with the choreographer.
"1 and 2 and 3 4 5 6 7 8. Again!" she yells. The dancers move as she does and they do incredible moves. I can't wait to join.
"take a break you guys." she calls and makes her way to us. She is something you wouldn't see in AV ballet as a teacher. Let alone a dancer. She is young and has a pixie haircut and the color of her hair is a white blonde. She has her right arm tattooed and her figure is skinny and fit. She has green eyes and a beautiful smile with small rosy pink lips.
"hi Harry. Is this Edith who we have been expecting?" she extends her arm, "hi I'm Kate. Harry has told me about you." she says happily.
"oh just come here!" she says and embraces me into a sweaty hug.
"I'm impressed with your work. I went to one of your performances; the one when you were that fairy and you had a pixie haircut. I swear, I was so inspired I cut my hair like yours and have had it like that since then."
"wow. Well, I'm glad you were inspired. It's good to hear. I was just watching you and I think you are incredible."
"you know Edith, she choreographed 'Over the Moon' for our winter concert." Harry adds. Over the Moon was an outstanding production opened during the winter and it was so mysterious with incredible movements. To bad I wasn't there to watch it live, I watched it in YouTube.
"oh my god, I was in love with that piece. You did an amazing job."
"thank you so much!" she hugs me once more, "I gotta get back to teaching class. We'll talk later."
"wait Kate, let me introduce her to our dancers, ahem!" Harry yells stepping in closer. The room quiets down. "hello dancers, like I said yesterday, there is a new family member added to our family and her name is Edith Lynn." everyone starts to clap and gives me smiles as Kate makes way for me.
"she comes from Canada from AV ballet. And now, she's part of us!" he says happily and everyone claps again.
"welcome her. Make her feel at home. Oh! And don't forget, if you know anyone that wants to audition for this company, company auditions are next week." this makes me feel guilty since I didn't need an audition. He smiles and nods and comes back over to where we were standing.
"bye Kate. Bye everyone!" I yell before stepping out with Harry.
"oh man, when can I start?" I ask jumping up and down.
"well 'cause we're starting again after auditions. Something new you know? This season is almost over. Pretty much over actually." I nod in comprehension and slightly push him against the wall. I look down at his lips with a flirty smile. But he rejects my approach. Instead he hugs me and pushes me off him as I was leaning on him against the wall. The dancers from inside the studio come out and he immediately let's go.
"let's go this way." he says and pulls me into an opposite door from the studio and we're back to another hallway where there are lockers.
We exit this hallway and make our way into the main lobby.
"so that's it. What'd you think?"
"it's really cool. I can't wait till after next week."
"I'm glad. I just showed you the main stuff. You don't need to know about the showers or lockers or whatever. Oh and there is more studios and helper choreographers just to let you know."
"alright, let's go?"
"sure. It was nice meeting you Lydia." I say and approach her. She gets up and comes to give me a hug.
"it was lovely meeting you my dear."
"thank you. Till next week."
"till next week." she repeats with a wink.
"bye Lydia." Harry says opening the door so I can step out.
"bye Harry." she says and waves us goodbye.
"hey Harry, um do you mind dropping me off somewhere?" I ask as we step inside the car.
"depends. Who is this person you're meeting." he replies in a playful way.
"just a friend. Remember I was talking to you about Annie?"
"I dont know actually. I'm going to ask her. Thanks."
"no problem." I text Annie and ask her where we're suppose to meet up. She replies at Clifford and Grand.
"she says to be at Clifford and Grand."
"oh alright." we drive in silence to our destination. All this silence and thinking reminds me of today; how Harry rejected my approach. And also how he completely ignored me that one day at the studio when I was dancing ballet. The day of our date. It's getting rather weird. Why does he do that at certain points?
"okay, so we're at Clifford and Grand. Where's your friend?" we parked next to the side walk as I step outside to call Annie. Harry joins me seconds later. I was making the call when I spot her from far away.
"hello?" I see her pick up her cell phone.
"I see you. Turn around." she turns around and keeps turning.
"look straight ahead. Nope, turn left. Stop! You see me? I'm waving my hand." she jumps up and down and runs over here.
"hey!" she says and embraces me into a hug.
"hi. Look this is uhh.. Uhh.. Harry. Harry this is my friend Annie."
I look at Harry hesitantly as he squints his eyes.
"nice to meet you." she says and he shakes her hand.
"pleasure is mine. So Edith, do you want me to come pick you up or something?"
"no its cool, I'll go drop her off." Annie answers. She leans in and whispers, "she's safe with me big boy." and adds a wink making Harry blush. He brushes his fingers through his hair.
"uhh, okay. See you later Edith." he hugs my waist and kisses my cheek. Then makes his way back to his car and drives away. Me and Annie start walking.
"so tell me, who is he?" she says shoving me lightly.
"we're sort of dating."
"ooh really? That's nice. How'd you guys meet?"
"in Canada. He's the artistic director of the company I'm in and he's teamed up with my old company so he went to teach a master class over there."
"so you slept with him to get noticed?"
"of course not!" she laughs. "so how'd it happen?"
"we had a friendly talk after class and we just clicked and went on a date and have been together ever since."
"how long has it been?"
"about a week and a half."
"wow, no wonder you didn't call him your boyfriend."
"well no duh." we laughed as we crossed the street.
"how do you like NYC so far?" she asks as she leads me into a café.
"it's alright. Haven't seen much of the city since I just arrived yesterday."
"oh well you and I have a lot to do. But not today, have to be at my art studio around 4."
"you need to show me your artwork."
We sit down and order as a waiter takes our order and brings us some water.
"so, what do you have with Carlos huh?" she chokes on her water at the name of Carlos. She suddenly smiles.
"well, we just confessed to each other how we feel."
"really.. That's very interesting. How's that working out?"
"well, it's hard. It's hard because we want to see each other. We try to Skype as much as we can but it isn't easy."
"that really sucks."
"he says he feels lonely because he doesn't have you around."
"aww, that's cute. But it's only been a day."
"I know but you know, if you love someone and they're not around, it's hard even for an hour."
"he wants to visit already."
"oh my god, Carlos is crazy."
"I know." she sighs like a young girl deeply in love. Our waiter arrives about 10 minutes later with our deluxe sandwiches and coffee.
"this place, has the best sandwiches." she says taking a big bite off her sandwich.
"I can tell. This sandwich is amazing." we eat our food with laughter in between. We talk about what has happened during these years that we haven't talked. She told me this really embarrassing story about this one time where she was with her boyfriend. They were getting busy and she screamed loudly because she thought no none was home but apparently the guys mother walked in the house. She thought someone was hurt so she walked in on them and she was in so much shock, she wouldn't stop staring. That is like the worst thing that could ever happen to you!
I told her about my teenage life too, but of course, not everything. But I did tell her I dated someone for about a year that I truly loved.
It was 3:30pm when we decide to head out.
"so where do you need to get dropped off?" she asked as we waited for the light to turn green.
"shit, I dont know the address but I think I know how to get there."
"ha, I remember we use to do that back in middle school."
"oh yeah! That was too funny! Wait! Turn left here." I yell before she made a right turn and made us crash.
"this is going to be hard." she comments.
After a hard time to attempt to get to Harry's house, we finally made it at 4:15 which makes Annie late for her job.
"I'm sorry I made you late." I say through the window.
"just 'cause you're one of my best friends I'm not mad. I'm going to remember your address. Kay bye! I really have to go!" she drives out of the driveway even though my head is still inside the car.
"ow! Watch it!"
"sorry!" she screams and disappears in the distance.
I turn back around and go knock on the front door.
"look who's home." Harry answers drinking a cup of coke.
"hey." I say and enter. I step inside and I take a long deep breathe in. I feel Harry pull me back. He turns me around to face him and he takes me into a deep kiss. He pushes me against the wall and kisses me lustfully as he makes his way from waist to my hips. He pulls away and catches his breath.
"I missed your lips." he says still really close to me.
I thought to myself, what the fuck is wrong with you? You rejected me at the studio an kiss me wildly here?
"really." I laugh a little and push him away.
"I missed you too." I add and kiss him lightly on the lips and walk away. He pulls me back and starts to tickle me.
"oh no." I say trying hard not to laugh.
"oh yes." he picks me up and tackles me to the couch.
"Harry.. Stop." I say between laughs. He giggles like a child and then stops.
"I really like you." he says and kisses me.
"I really like you too." and we continue to kiss.
Did I actually just say that?! Oh my god, I said it without thinking. But for some reason, it feels right to say it...