More of who I am today and why I'm here
I guess I'll start with when I discovered MCR; apologies I don't know the exact age when my mom showed me Famous Last Words, all I know it was during the time when I would be sitting in the backseat of our car, playing hard-core air guitar to whatever song my mom decided to play. Which most of the time started with my request for her to play the 'Supernatural' song.
Yes I refered to this amazing peice of work as the supernatural song, because the guitar riff in the beginning reminded me of my favorite show supernatural.
I still to this day thank my mom for showing me Famous Last Words and I'm Not Okay (I Promise), because 1) They were really the only things inspiring me to play music (I come from a very un-musically-talented family) and 2) It showed me the band who got me here today.
So growing up those 2 songs started out as the only songs I had on my Mp3 (old school much?). I thought of them everytime something would happen. Such as if my friends ditched me, I would silently sing to myself Famous Last Words..I ever got into a bad mood, I'm Not Okay.
If anything, I think MCR was the band that grew up with me.
So after a while of the 2 best songs in existance (yes the best because they got me into MCR), I went off and had countless nights of staying up all hours rapidly youtube-ing 'My Chemical Romance lyrics'.
Listening, liking, commenting (got my first top comment on Disenchanted), and all the stuff inbetween.
It was perfection, nothing could go wrong because I had them, and they had me (as a fan). (HOLY FUCKNUGGETS that sounded reaaaaally fucked up).
So my story isn't going to be that boring, now onto the shitier part of my life.
Otherwise known as the end of grade 8 and all of grade 9.
Depression, self-harm, suicide, feeling alone.
Yes, the first time I will really explain why the shit I do, is caused.
In the end of grade 8, my 2 best friends left my school (one of my friends going to high school for grade 9 and my other friend who was a year younger left the school because she was bullied too much). Which left me alone, on my own. Well with ONE friend, who had his own group of friends (whom he chose over me quiet a lot).
Now before go on about my grade 9 year..the worst starts about..now.
Worst being, self-harm and suicide.
It sucks, I did it once, finally got the guts up to move on from scratching to legit cutting. And guess what -sarcasm- it turned out happy rainbows, nobody found out and I stopped.
HA, if only it was that easy.
The next day after my parents found out..thank god I was staying at a friends house that night, and my dad had work.
But the worst, they were dissapopinted in me, angry, and cornered me until I told them why. Unfortanetly they didn't accept the whole 'I'm sorry but I PROMISE I won't do it again' thing. No they shoved me into therapy, the place where you get told 'tell us why you did it, we won't judge' and they tell you everything you do is wrong and take the shit the bitches and dicks give you lying down.
AMAZING ADVICE LADY?! WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK I STARTED THIS SHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE, from standing up for myself? HA no.
How many times I lied to them, when they asked 'did you self-harm at all from our last session' or 'have you attempted suicide at all'.
Not so much the second one, but yeah...sometimes the world proves to be too much for you; and plus a 14 year old suffering through depression doesn't help.
So going through grade 9, I was a nerd/, /fatass/, /attention-whore and the worst emo little fag who should just stop complaining, dying for attention and show I mean what I say and kill myself
Most of you are probably thinking 'wow, okay that would hurt but can't you get over it?'
Of course I would've gotten over it, but I didn't tell her; no I told my ONE 'trustworthy friend'.
She was the only one who knew about my self-harm, the dreams of suicide (which strangely felt right), and the depression.
And who found out?! Her 'best-friend' the biggest whore in the school (not even kidding she hits on every guy, flashed EVERYONE at the formal dance -instert traumatized Sam- and yeah).
That hurt, the fact I told her EVERYTHING (from my depression to my sexuality).
Enough said, I ended up saying 'fuck it..and you bitches can go fuck yourselves' and got through school with my Ipod giving me my dose of MCR; the 4 guys who didn't want me to go through with killing myself; the guys who have gazzillions of fanfictions written about them, the guys who have been there done that, got through it and came out being an insperation.
The 4 guys who pretty much held my life- NO Sam STOP BEING SO FUCKING STUPID SOUNDING. Okay let me re-phrase that, the 4 guys who were there when everyone else turned their backs.
I should begin to finish this so;
That one friend who was my only friend for the longest time; people hooked us up..and he got pissed because 1) I broke up with him because he claimed he was moving provinces (he is but not this summer like he said) 2) Over a pack of fuckin' skittles
The best thing; it's amazing...
I don't feel the need to comit suicide (more or less whenever it comes into my mind that I want to or something; I have a sudden feeling of what would happen if I did; how much I have to live for; the fact that when Gerard faced it all he had NO hints, or knowledge that he would be an insperation to so many, and be the frontman of a life saving band)
I self-harm MUCH less,
and I am pretty sure..
I beat my depression; I don't feel always so sad, so miserable.
I know what I want to live for (become a bassist) and holy shit it feels great.
I'm Sam, 14, soon-to-be sophmore (as of September 4th) and MCR is the reason why I am here today smiling and extremely proud to be a fan.
(p.s Thanks to all my amazing ficwad friends, you guys are truly amazing)