"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."
People say ‘It’ll all be okay in the end. And if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.’ So I watched Brendon leave. I watched him walk away. There was something in me that screamed that this was okay. Brendon should leave. I wasn’t worth his time. He had spent so many years getting better, all to have me squash everything. I didn’t want to hurt him. It wasn’t my intention. But it did happen. The other part, the less prominent one, was telling me to run after him. It was telling me to explain. But that would make everything too hard.
And hard was not something I wanted anymore. I wanted easy. And letting him go was the easy way out. He had wanted so much of me and I spat in his face. I could have handled this situation so much better than I had. True, I hadn’t actually lied to him. But maybe he was looking for a way out. And maybe I should just let him have it. He’d wanted it. He was going to leave. He was going to leave with my heart in his pocket.
And there was nothing I could do about it. One of my fellow coworkers came out of the room and looked at me and then looked back at where Brendon had left out of. Then he looked at me, “You okay, Ross?”
“Can I get a ride home?” was all I could say. My voice was emotionless. I knew what I’d done. I knew what had happened. I loved him, I left him, I found him, I proposed, he said no, I tried again, and he left me. It was a cycle. I wasn’t meant to be with him. Even if he was the love of my life, love isn’t easy. Maybe I don’t want love. He’d find someone so much better for him than I was.
I could have a family without someone to love. I could adopt a baby boy and raise him on my own. We’d be happy. He didn’t need two dads. But… He did need two dads. I needed a husband to be with me if I had a son. I’d turn into my dad if I didn’t. I didn’t want to be my dad. I didn’t want to be the abusive alcoholic that hits their kid. If I had Brendon… I wouldn’t ever hit my kid, because I’d be happy.
A tear slipped out of my eye and the coworker looked concerned, “Yeah, of course,” he placed his hand on the small of my back and led me to the elevator. And I stood there, staring straight ahead of me, at the cold metal doors as the contraption moved down toward the parking lot. But I needed Brendon. I needed him more than I’d ever needed anything in my life. Without him, I didn’t know how I’d survive.
Just as I exited the elevator, I felt my phone vibrating. I got slightly excited and anxious. Maybe it was Brendon. Maybe he’d called to tell me that he was joking and that he wanted to finish the date! But no. On the screen, it read ‘Greta’ and I sighed. I slowly answered and put it to my ear, “He—”
“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!” she yelled and I winced, “Are you on some kind of a vendetta to destroy the one person on this planet who actually cares about you?! Are you really? Because this isn’t funny anymore, Ryan!” she was clearly upset, “I just got off the phone with a Brendon who was crying and telling me that you didn’t love him anymore! I’m not going to keep playing matchmaker if this is just a game to you!” she yelled that last line.
Crying? Brendon was crying? Again? I’d made him cry again. I was a horrible person. Maybe I should just go and kill myself. I didn’t say anything for a long time. I finally took a deep breath, “He’ll be happier without me. It’s not a game for me. But I can’t be what he wants anymore… I don’t know what he wants…”
“Ryan…” she paused. And I didn’t have the will to ask ‘what?’. It was silent for a while and I was thinking she was going to tell me something along the lines of that I wasn’t good enough and that he would be happy without me, but she finally said to me, “He wants you to be who you used to be. The Ryan who cared about him, the Ryan that would give up everything just to hold him in his arms, the Ryan who would poke his nose just to make him smile. He doesn’t want the Ryan that can make him smile with flowers or fancy jewelry or whatever. He loves you, not the you that you’ve become. He wants the Ryan that you used to be. So he wasn’t mad that you got promoted. He wasn’t mad that you got the phone call. Neither of those mattered. It’s just that… When you two were together before, as soon as you found something out, you’d tell him. You’d tell him and you both would be ecstatic together. But this? He was upset because you didn’t. You kept it to yourself. He wanted to be happy with you. But you didn’t tell him. He told me that you came out of the office and you didn’t look happy. You didn’t look like you were going to tell him when he heard everything that happened in the office. He was upset because you just let him go and park the car instead of going with him up to the office. It’s the little things, Ryan. He was in the military for a long time. He finally met someone who seemed to care, but you changed. You changed, Ryan Ross. You changed.”
She was right. Every word she said was true. And now… Now I knew what I had to do. I took a breath, “Thank you. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Wait, Ryan, did you hear anything I just said?”
“Yeah,” I hung up and turned to the guy standing next to me with a smile, “I quit,” and I gave him a quick hug and left the parking lot. I pulled off the tie and grabbed some flowers out of the ground. Daisies: Brendon’s favorite. Greta said that he didn’t want the me that would give him flowers. Yeah, these weren’t bought flowers though. I literally grabbed them out of the ground.
That was something I used to do. I’d find something Brendon would like and I’d bring it home to him. This was no different. And I walked. I walked until I got to where he was staying. I knocked a few times. And when he answered the door, he was about to close it, but I slammed my hand to it and pushed it open, “I love you, Brendon Boyd Urie,” I handed him the flowers.
He stared at them, “They look like you yanked them out of the ground,” he sniffled, rubbing his eyes.
“Because I did,” and he took them. I pulled off my jacket and placed it down. I led him over to the couch and I sat down on the table in front of him, “I realized something… I’m not who I used to be. And I gave it some thought. And I miss that version of me. I miss that version of us. So I quit my job…” and then I got down on one knee and took a gumball machine ring out of my pocket, “So, Brendon Boyd Urie… I ask in all earnest because I love you more than anything in the world, will you marry me? Will you become Brendon Boyd Urie Ross? For me?” I held it up to him, “I’ll move back to Vegas for you. We’ll live in that little studio again. And it’ll be just you and me. And then we can adopt a little boy. And it’ll be perfect. It’ll be perfect for us.”
His eyes widened and I saw tears escape his eyes. He put his hand to his face and he started shaking his head. He was saying no again. I felt defeated. Then what did he want? What did he want from me? I lowered the hand with the ring and just stared at his knees in front of me. I didn’t know what to do anymore. How could I prove myself to him? I set the ring down and went to get up, but he grabbed my wrist, “Where are you going?”
“I don’t think I can handle two proposal rejections.”
“I…” he hiccupped, “I wasn’t rejecting you. I just… I couldn’t find my words. Now get back down on one knee and put that stupid ring on my finger.”
My eyes widened and I did as I was told. I grabbed the ring and his hand and slid it onto his ring finger, “I can’t wait to wake up your stupid face every day until I’m senile,” I teased and climbed onto his lap. He laughed and kissed me on the lips. As we kissed, I could feel the tears fall down his face. I wanted him to stop crying. I didn’t want to see the tears. I wanted him to be happy.
Then he pulled away and looked at me in the eye, “Okay, well, we’ll go back to Vegas… But you owe me a real ring. This thing is a piece of shit.”
I laughed, “You got it. You get a real diamond ring.”
“I didn’t say it had to be diamond. I just said a real ring. Because this thing, despite how amusing it is to watch the little balls dance around when my hand moves, I want something that won’t break in a day.”
I chuckled and nodded, “Okay, you get a real ring,” I kissed him again. And now everything is okay. No, everything is better than okay. Everything is perfect. And things would only get better from here.
Things will be okay in the end. If they’re not, then it’s not the end. I’d have to say. I think this is the end. And I’m okay with that.
A/N: This story got less and less popular, so I decided to end it. So I wanted to say thank you to everyone who read and reviewed this story. It means so much to me that people did enjoy it. This and Lethal Force. I had so much fun writing it. But everything good must come to an end. I did start a new story in place of this one. It's called People Deserve to Die. You can head over and read that one next if you'd like. :) I'd especially like to thank RockMusic who has been reviewing everything of mine recently. She/He has been the one to help me keep updating this one, at the very least. And second to RockMusic was wolcott. So thanks to you too. This has been amazing to write and have reviews on. I love you all. :) I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
BUT IT IS NOT THE END OF MY RYDON STORIES! Not by a long shot! I have eight others. :P So do enjoy those too! :) Peace out!