He tucked the bag of food under one of his arms before unlocking the door and stepping inside. He stopped standing there, the bag in his grip as confusion spread across his features.
"What are you doing?" He asked softly, not wanting to further upset her.
Rowan was standing there, her clothes neatly set on her and her boots laced up. She had fixed her hair as well. She seemed like she was about to leave. It looked as though she wanted to if not for the quivering uncertainty in her eyes.
"I have to go." She pushed out, her hand clutching the other behind her back.
"Why?" His voice grew darker as a certain anxiety took hold of him. He watched the way she looked to be questioning herself. His heart was breaking and he knew that so was hers.
"Because Jared...I just have to. Things can't stay like this."
He set the bag down on the kitchen counter and then rushed to where she was standing. Before she could make any sort of movements he had her by the shoulders. He looked down into her eyes and tried his hardest to come up with something to say, anything at all that would help him to persuade her against the decision that she had already made.
"You can't go, Rowan...You haven't eaten." He let out a bit of a strained laugh as he gently smoothed back her hair. "You're just upset, sweetheart. I'm going to take care of things , alright?" He was filling himself up with hope, he knew that. He just wasn't sure if it was the kind of hope that he could trust in, the kind that he could set himself up with without falling into an inevitable disaster. She wouldn't hurt him though, that was something he did know. There had to be a reason for this.
She shook her head, negating his reasoning but her eyes closed on the gentle way his hands stroked through her hair. "I can't, Jared. You know I can't."
Heavily he sighed. He could feel everything sliding out of his grasp and he wasn't quiet sure how it was he was going to get it back. His jaw tightened as he looked down at her, not in anger, but with the sharp need to keep himself from falling apart. Not in front of her. Not when she needed the kind of support someone so vulnerable needed.
"I don't understand..." He forced out his words, trying to take away the weakness heard there and the brokenness that flooded through him.
"Bianca was here." She stated it bluntly although this wasn't the route she had wanted to take. She knew thought that if she stood there a moment longer with his gentle way of trying to persuade her she wouldn't be able to find it in herself to leave.
"What?" The sound of her name made his voice snap and a ton of anger rose up hotly to the surface. He knew that perhaps his eyes had darkened, that the thoughts that suddenly swirled about in his exhausted mind were coming to light but he couldn't help it. The mere mention of her name angered him to the point of uncontrollable inward rage.
"She came by here when you were gone...." Lightly she touched her fingers to his chest. "...It isn't your fault, Jared. I just- I can't do this not if it's wrong." She shook her head and closed her eyes on the need to cry. She could feel her tears trying to take control of every part of her.
"I can take care of that too, Rowan...I'm going to divorce her. I just didn't know where she was until now." He stumbled over his own words in the heat of his overwhelming emotion.
Rowan nodded. "I know...I know." She whispered.
"Then why are you doing this?"
She looked up at him as she finally allowed her tears to fall. His blue eyes stared down at her, hurt, overwhelmed, broken. His facial hair did its best to cover the slight quiver to his lips. He stood there, tense, unsure of what would happen next, as if the entire world was about to crash down around them.
How was she supposed to tell him that she didn't want to drag him down into the mire she was lost in? How was she supposed to find the words to say that wouldn't tear him apart but would keep him away? She didn't want him to be involved in the darkness that had enveloped her inside itself. She had always been broken and maybe all of this was some sort of dream that she had wanted so badly but she needed to wake up from. She knew that the decision of leaving was selfish but so was the decision of staying. She hadn't helped Jared in anything, this was all one sided, standing here she could see the extent of his inner sorrow on his face. Why couldn't she have helped him? That would have been the confirmation she needed to just stay. She had to do something for him the way he had done so much already for her. But what could she say to lessen it? To mask the truth and yet make him understand?
Her train of thought was startled when his phone began to ring from inside his coat. He broke his gaze from her and let out a trembling breath.
"Answer it." She urged softly.
His gaze went back to her as he reached into his coat and took his phone out. "Yeah?" He nearly snapped. His face changed as he turned away from her, his back tense as he tried somehow to make her disappear from hearing distance. "Keep her there until I get back." He whispered sharply before he hung up the phone and dropped it back into his back.
"Jared?" She called out softly. She could feel the change in the atmosphere as she watched him. The soft wind from the air conditioner calmly swept about the losses strands of his hair. She knew that if this had been another moment at another time and he had turned around she would have wanted his arms around her, his lips against hers and her heart open to anything and everything he was offering. But she couldn't do that, she couldn't bear to allow it or she would be lost to the wishes of her heart that she just had to deny.
He turned around again, his gaze trying its best to soften as he looked down at her but whatever had just happened on the other end of the phone made that nearly impossible.
"Rowan before you go....come with me somewhere...please?"
She took an intake of breath and then she nodded. "Alright." She replied in a soft whisper. She gave a small smile, a repressed one that tried to hide the sorrow that was building inside.