He slammed his bedroom door shut and dropped himself down on the edge of the bed. Covering his face with his hands he finally let out the tears that had been upon him the whole time. His body shook dully and his throat bore the dryness of exerting emotion. He was near breathless by the time he heard the door opening. He lifted his eyes, his hands dropping to his knees and his lips parted with a shaky sigh.
Bianca stood there, her hand still on the doorknob. There they were helpless in the mire of the prison they had both locked him in. She was perfect, his glorious captor. The woman who had enraptured him with her false sweetness and false love. He had always known how she really was didn’t he? He had seen through that mask when she had begun to construct the descent of their marriage. He knew even in the kisses she would return and each sigh she would let out at each of his touches. He had always known she didn’t belong to him but instead he belonged, body and soul, to her. He had locked the chains himself and the darkness now surrounded him by his own will. His heart screamed at him to send her away, to break the chains that he had created for himself. But everything else knew that wasn’t what he wanted. Everything else told him he wasn’t ready to be set free just yet. She was still alive inside him and no matter what he couldn’t shake her. He wasn’t done with darkness just yet, that was proven in the way he had let his entire life fall apart because of her. And in that moment he knew what Rowan had meant.
She came to him then, the rustle of her skirt almost deafening in the silence. She set herself in his lap carefully, her legs on either side of him and she took his face in her hands.
He held her dark eyes through his blurred gaze. He could feel the burning from her touch, could feel the hate and the love swelling inside of him as he looked up at her. She was studying him as if this was the first time she had ever seen him. Had she ever seen him this broken? Did she care?
Lightly she touched her fingers down over his forehead. She closed his eyes with her fingertips, stealing the tears that had pearled on his lashes. She touched over his lips before resting her hand in the crook of his neck. Slowly she moved down and took his lips with hers. Her kiss seemed to break open the well inside of him as more tears fell and the emptiness grew deeper. She deepened it wanting the chains to hold tighter to the skin of his wrists, wanting her name forever engraved in the core of his soul. He lifted his hand and pressed her kiss harsher against him, his fingers caught in her hair, he was near breathless. He lifted her out of his lap, turning her over on her back and leaned over her. She pulled him down closer to her, pulling his shirt off and pressing her hands to his back. He moved away the clothes between them and buried his face in her neck. He was hiding his tears, hiding the sharp anger that would fill his eyes if he were to gaze down at her. She whispered in his ear that she loved him, let her touches remain delicate on him as she gave every indication that she enjoyed every part of him. He shut his eyes on the moment, blocking out the very world that he existed in. His emotions were awry, his heart was lost somewhere in the darkness he was also lost in. His pain and anger, love and hated mingled together becoming indescribably indecipherable. He was lost to his own misery, empty in his own captivity.
He let out his breath and she let out hers before he threw himself away from her and turned his back to her. He felt her inch close to him, the silk of her skin against his back as she wrapped her arm around his shoulders. She pressed a kiss to his back and her breath danced there for a moment.
“You always knew this would happen, didn’t you?” She whispered into his ear, kissing the skin of his neck as she lightly pulled the strands of his hair away from his skin.
He didn’t answer, he had nothing to say. What did a prisoner have to say to their captor? He heard her smile and he shut his eyes. She settled behind him and soon enough her breath evened out. She was asleep and he let out a sigh of relief.
Carefully he slipped out of bed, throwing his clothes on and left the room. The house was the most quiet it had ever been, no one was here. It was nearly as empty as the soul within him. He quietly slipped into his studio closing the door and locking it behind him. He could breathe now even as lonely as he was. He took up an acoustic and went into the booth, sliding shut the glass and sank down into the stool.
He strummed aimlessly at first before he lost himself in the moment, allowing the vey music to block everything out. All he felt was the sound the strings made, the music that he was so effortlessly creating. It was the only thing he had ever had a grip on, the only thing that he had control of. His work was the only aspect of his life where he ran things and he supposed that was why he controlled it all so fiercely. He had to have something that was solely his, didn’t he? When even his very soul no longer belonged to him?
He closed his eyes, humming incoherent words to himself. So many things flickered in his mind but the only image that stayed, the only one he wanted to stay was Rowan. Her beautiful face that was without the harshness and cruelty of reality. Hers was the kind of innocence that everyone lost at some point but she still held hers with such grace. It wasn’t only a need that he had for her, it wasn’t only love. It was an insurmountable admiration that came effortlessly with her. She was everything he had never been, her love was the world that he had never explored. And yet she was gone.
His tears fell as his playing grew more intense. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed and he didn’t care. He had locked the door and with it the agony of his current life. He was lost now, so desperately lost. He didn’t know how long it would last, how long the suffering would continue. All he did know was that his freedom existed somewhere. It had to be alive. It perhaps existed in himself, locked away with the will to break out of his inner prison. Wherever it was he was hell bent on finding it before he was completely and indefinitely destroyed.