Stupidity. That's all.
2 July 2006
Gen – And now for something completely different. Happy birthday AreslovesXena? Apologies to Discworld and Monty Python...
DIRECTOR: "Okay, let's try this again." (Points) "Antony. Finishing up your segment. Do a sexy little wiggle. Sexy, I said. Fine. Fine! That's good enough."
DIRECTOR: (expansive, impatient gestures) "Cake! Wheel in the cake!"
Enter enormous five-tiered cake. Looks like chocolate.
DIRECTOR: "The mark! Get on the bloody mark! Okay… cue music. Why is there a duck on the trumpet player's head? No, I don't want to know. Keep playing."
DIRECTOR: "Wrong score!"
Fanfare and expectant pause.
DIRECTOR: "Your cue?"
CAKE: (testily) "Cue for what?"
DIRECTOR: "Jump out of the fucking cake!"
Top plane of cake lifts to reveal ARES in icing hold-all trimmed with cherries.
ARES: "Now what?"
DIRECTOR: "What do you mean 'now what'? Spell the birthday girl's name!"
ARES: "Right." (Pauses) "Line?"
DIRECTOR: "Do the cheer!" (Holds arms above head in a point reminiscent of the letter "A") "Give me an A!"
ARES: (face becomes blank and hands reach down to grab rapidly disintegrating icing hold-all) "This is ridiculous." (Vanishes)
DIRECTOR: (Oblivious) "Give me an R! Give me an E! Give me an S! Do the hand symbols, band. Give me an L! Give me—"