Please R&R people, I would highly appreciate it if I got more reviews :(
I sit alone in my house waiting for.. Something.. I dont know..
I've been freaking out all day since last night. Frank is mad at me. I know it. Even though he denies it, he's not humorous around me anymore. Not since last night..
Yesterday, after the beach party when we came home, he held me tight to him in bed wanting to.. Do it but I rejecting him. Again, like I've been doing all these years.
"what's wrong?" he said.
"not tonight.." I replied and rolled over to my side. I shut my eyes tight as I felt him leave and slam the door as he stepped out. And he didn't come back untill the morning. He changed into his work cloths and left. He always wakes me up before leaving and gives me a big, long kiss. Today, he didn't wake me up but he didn't know I was awake. I watched his every move and he just kissed my head and left. I started to cry after that. I dont know why I can't... Well, I do know why but I'm not sure if I can tell him. It's too harsh on myself and what will he think? Will he think wrong of me?
If I couldn't tell Eddie that one time, and she's my best friend, what makes you think I can tell Frankie? The love of my life! Eddie is my best friend but I was afraid of judgment. I am more afraid of Frankie though. I don't want him to think differently of me because of what happened years ago..
So I'm sitting here staring blankly at the ceiling not paying attention to what's on TV. I was suppose to be at school today but I couldn't even feel my legs of how nervous I was. I called Eddie early in the morning before she went to her job and asked her if she can come by afterwards. She agreed and said she'll be here later with her boyfriend. Just knowing she's coming gets me nervous because I think it's time for me to tell her since I tried the first time and failed. Oh god help me!
"here you go miss."
"thank you. So um, is that you up there?" the girl asks me pointing at my picture on the wall.
"yes ma'am." I smile.
"oh that's interesting... You're very cute you know that?" she leans in resting her elbows on the counter flashing me her boobs.
"thanks.." she gets up and smiles.
"why don't you text me sometime?" she says and grabs my arm and a pen. I jerk it off and smile.
"I have a girlfriend." I say long and proud.
"that's okay." and she grabs my hand again.
"not to me. Now if you'll excuse me." I step back and go to the back of the shop where there's a small a kitchen and an office. I watch her stand there like a retard from a small window and then she leaves pushing some chairs on her way out. I chuckle and step outside again.
"chicks" I snort and sit back down as I have no costumers right now. Some guys across the room that eat a croissant laugh at this chick so I laugh along.
Remembering the words I said hit me; I have a girlfriend. And I love her. But.. Why? Emma, why? Am I ugly? Do I smell? Is that why you don't want to be intimate with me? I'm starting to think, what if I live in a lie? That Emma doesn't really love me...
Emma loves me and I know it!!
But that's just not fair. I have needs too! Ugh.. I dont know.. I guess I have to wait for her to make the move.. I hope it's soon.
Do you know how hard it is to live with a hot girlfriend and not be able to touch her sexually?! It's very hard for a dude ya'know..
Oh my god, Edith just texted me she's coming oh my god oh my god, what am I going to say? How am I going to start?! Ugh..
Aah!! She's here!! Okay okay.. Calm down...
I look through my peep hole and I see her standing there holding hands with her boyfriend. I open the door slowly holding back tears.
"hey, come in." I say and they both step inside. I hug them both and lead them in the living room.
"anything to drink?" I ask. They look at each other. Harry just shrugs and Edith turns back to me.
"water would be fine." so I grab them a cold water bottle and sit across them.
"so how are you Emma?" she says with a grin.
"I'm fine thanks and you two?"
"oh we're great." she responds and grins at Harry who grins back.
"nice house Emma." Harry tells me.
"thanks. Frank and I decorated it." in that moment, Arthus comes out of his cave.
"oh look Harry, this is my old dog Arthus. Emma and Frank are taking care of him." Arthus sits next to Harry while he pets him.
"wow, he's really old."
"yeah, I've had him since I was 16." Harry raises his eyebrows.
"so what did you want to talk to me about Emma?" I lose my smile as I remember the purpose of why she's here. I sigh and cover my face resting my elbows on my knees.
"is everything okay?" she says placing a hand on my wrist. She pulls my hands off my face and she furrows her eyebrows as she takes a look at my teary face.
"no.. Nothing's okay. I'm not okay.."
"Emma.." she kneels on the ground in front of me.
"it's Frank.." I say. She gives me a worried look and turns to Harry who is still petting the dog.
"oh.. Should I go?" he says getting up.
"no.. You can stay.." I say. It's not like he'll be telling the whole world about this. I know he's mature enough to not talk about what's none of his business. He sits back down and Edith follows.
"I just.. Last night.. He wanted to.. You know and I.. Didn't let him. I didn't want to.."
"and so what happened? Did he get mad?"
"I think so.."
"oh Emma, it's okay. He has to understand that you're not ready."
"I know, but he can't understand if I don't tell him what's going on."
"what is going on?"
"well.. Remember a few years ago I tried to tell you.. My problem? We had the same problem again." she hesitates before answering.
"oh! Oh Emma, you don't have to tell me. It's between you guys."
"no, but I want to tell you.."
"fine.. What happened?"
"well.." I gulp as I get flashbacks again..
ready for your babysitter Emma?
"well uhh, when I was about 8 my parents got me a babysitter. They were getting new jobs and the job hours were going to be during the time I get back from school. So I was forced to be babysat. Her name was Eve. She was so sweet. She was like my best friend at the time because she would always pick me up after school and we would go to the park and we just had so much fun.
Then one day, I was walking out the gate of school and I saw her with a guy. I approached them and she grabbed my hand as we walked back home. She then said, "Emma, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend Ricky." I looked at him and he grabbed my other hand.
"hi Emma. Aww, you're so adorable!" he said grabbing my cheek.
I didn't mind him too much. He was a really cool guy and both Eve and him were awesome. They were like my second parents. I loved him so much because he cared for me a lot. I loved him like a big brother.
So then one day, I was in my living room watching a movie. I then went to the restroom and didn't find Eve. But I didn't mind it too much. Since I thought she was in her room with Ricky. I was at her house at the moment. Then I heard Ricky call me.
have you seen this before?
I walked inside the room and he was there alone with his computer. I approached him and he smiled so sweetly.
"where's Eve?" I questioned him.
"Eve is at the store. She said she'll be back soon. But I'm replacing her for the mean time. I'll be more than happy to take care of you kiddo. Now come here. Come, sit." so I did as he said and sat down next to him in front of the computer.
"what is that?" I said pointing at the screen.
"have you ever seen this before?" he asked me. Of course I hadn't. I was so small.."
"what did he show you?" Edith interrupts. I hesitate before answering since my tears are choking my up.
"it was porn Edith!" I blurt out, "..I didn't know at all!! I was so young..." I start to babble.
"and then I told him I've never seen such thing. He then said, "do you want me to explain it to you?" I didn't know what was going on so I didn't respond since I didn't know what to do. I remember he smiled at me in a sexual way and he started to strip down his cloths. Ugh, this is disgusting to say and think about but his.. Penis was erect!! I remember looking at it and didn't know what it was. I was so confused. He said, "touch it." and since I was a child, I did. It felt weird and he moaned.
"do you have this too?" he said.
"I don't think so.." I had replied.
"show me. Let me check." he said and I lowered my pants. I was embarrassed but I wanted to know why we had different things.
"ooh, you don't."
I took a minute to continue as I remembered his filthy touch on me,
"he.. Touched me down there. He moved his finger around but I didn't know what he was doing." I start to chuckle out of rage, "my mom.. She had said that the only people that could touch me were her and my dad and a nurse or a doctor. So my.. Dumbass thought he was a doctor so I didn't do anything!!" I babble again. Harry and Edith are silent. Edith has tears in her eyes and Harry covers his mouth looking at the ground with red eyes.
"do you feel that? Does it feel good?" he said. I shook my head. I really thought he was inspecting me like a doctor..
"no? Here let me show you something." he picked me up and placed me on the bed. He then pressed play on the video.
"you see that?" I nodded. Two girls were kissing while the other touched her vagina.
"now, you want me to do that?" I shook my head.
"it's okay." and he did it anyways. I felt his finger go inside me. I started to cry not knowing what he was doing but he just kept moaning touching his own penis. Then the door bursted open and he let go of me.
"what the fuck are you doing Ricky?!" Eve yelled dropping the groceries. Just hearing her scream at him and throw him stuff made me cry and run to her crying. That's when I realized he was doing me harm and that he wasn't a doctor.
"get the fuck out!! You fucking perv! I'm going to call the police you sick ass!!" she started crying as she dialed the police and didn't let Ricky out. I remember I was crying so hard my head pounded and everything went black. I didn't wake up till later, when I was in my mom's arms and she was crying. I started to cry when I saw her but she shushed me up making me go back to sleep. I had thought everything was a dream till the police came by the next day and questioned me. And I've been scarred since then." I stopped crying but stared blankly out the window. I glanced at Eddie who was fighting to hold back tears but failed to do so. Harry was also crying. She kneeled down on her knees again and hugged me sniffing.
"Emma, I'm so sorry that happened. I'm really sorry." she babbled.
"it's okay, I feel better now that I finally told someone instead of keeping it bottled inside. It's the past now. I can't do anything about it."
"oh Emma, oh my god." she repeated hugging me tightly and wetting my neck with her tears and sweat. Harry got up and sat next to me.
"Emma, I might not know you that well but I'm very sorry that happened and don't let it ruin you. I suggest you tell your boyfriend. Otherwise he'll never understand. I know it's going to be hard but, I'm sure he loves you enough not to judge you and understand okay? You're a beautiful and strong women. Don't you forget that." I start to tear up as his words fill my ears..because he is right.. I am beautiful and strong and I have to tell Frank because he loves me as much as I love him.
"thank you so much" I say. Edith had already let go of me so I hug Harry with so much appreciation for his words. He is such a sweet guy. I can see why Edith likes him.
"thank you. I will take your advice."
"you're welcome. And again, I don't know you that well but I'm here for you just like Edith okay?"
"you're welcome." he kisses my cheek and it makes me feel so warm and welcome inside. So welcome that I know they won't judge me and they understand me.
We let go and sit back down properly on the couch.
"I'm glad both of you could come. Thanks."
"we're glad we both could be here." Edith says grabbing Harry's hand.
"now I dont know when I should tell Frank."
"as soon as possible Emma." Harry speaks.
"I hope I can gain the guts.."
"well, just tell him when you're ready. Knowing Frank, no matter what the situation is, he would understand anyway." Edith responds
"yeah.. That's true."
"well, I'm really sorry Emma but we're going to have to get going but you feel better okay?"
"thank you Edith. I just needed to take that out of my chest."
"okay. You call me when you tell him okay?"
"sure will." we all walk to the front door.
"feel better." Harry comments.
"thank you. And.. Can I just say something?"
"yea sure." Edith replies.
"I just.. I'm really happy for you both. You guys seem so happy together.." I look at Edith and focus on her face expression. She bows her head slightly and looks up at Harry who's grinning at her.
"thank you Emma." she finally says.
"you're welcome. Good bye now."
"good bye." they both said and walked down the hall. I close the door and walk inside my room turning off all the lights on my way. I lay in bed and sigh deeply.
"I finally said it." I say loudly. It was tough.. But worth it..
Man, what a long day. And now, I'm driving back home to my sweety pie who I'm still a little mad at. I dont know what to say to her. What if she's mad at me too? Dammit, never mess with women Frankie..
I walk in my apartment but find it lonely. All the lights are turned off and I spot three water bottles on the coffee table. We probably had visitors. I enter my room and it is very cold and dark but I can see Emma laying down in bed sleeping. I sigh deeply but don't sit down on the bed just yet. I still have resentment. So I take my shoes and pants off and throw them inside the closet.
"Frankie?" she says.
"yeah it's me." I respond but don't look at her. I keep looking for something in the restroom. Then I hear nothing else so I look at her. She's still in bed. Dammit, I knew she was mad. I walk around the bed and.. Nothing. She doesn't tell me hi at all. So I don't say anything either and go outside to the living room.
I'm watching Rugrats and eating Chinese when I realize, it's been 2 hours and she still hasn't been up. So I start to worry and turn off the TV to go inside my room. She's still there, laying in bed. I walk over to the night lamp and turn it on. She turns over her shoulder and looks at me.
"um, are you mad?" I question with a small laugh. She doesn't respond but turns back around. Huh, playing hard to get.
"huh.. So someone IS mad. Fine, I'm mad too." I say and pout with a grin. She doesn't respond. She ALWAYS responds to that! So I think and stand there awkwardly.
"fine fine, I give in. I was mad Emma so I'm sorry." I lay down next to her under the covers and hug her kissing her neck.
"mm, Frankie.." she pushes me off her, making me frustrated again. I grip my jaw and let go of her. I turn off the lights and scoot away not wanting to hug her anymore.
"goodnight." I say coldly. Then I feel her come closer to me and kiss my lips. She kisses down my neck, licking my soft spots. She knows I like that so I grab her. She climbs on me and continues to kiss me. Oh man, this is my time. I feel my boxers get tighter and she's so close to me I'm sure she could feel it. I move my hands to her hips and thrust, pushing myself closer to her. She bites my lips and lets go.
"goodnight Frankie." she says and gets off me laying back next to me. But this time, I'm not mad. That was actually, pretty satisfying... Even though I might get blue balls but it's all good. I lay there gasping slowly as my boxers lose their grip and I soon fall asleep from all the excitement.