Amnesia is hard, especially when you can't even remember who you were. //Rydon//
So wouldn’t I need to know who I am to figure out whether or not I’m dead? Well, I’m not in pain. And don’t you have to go toward a white light to die? I never went toward a light. I just opened my eyes and it’s like I’m IN the light. I attempt to sit up, but to no avail. I can’t even move. My eyes are open and I know that I’m awake. But I don’t know where I am or who I am. I look just to my right and see that there is a needle in my arm. What the hell? Why is there a needle in my arm?
“Brendon!” comes a voice as a male accompanies it. I look up and see a tall lanky guy run into the room. He hugs me and I gasp. He pulls away and looks at me. He sees the utter confusion on my face and he stops, “You remember me, don’t you?” and I just continue to stare at him, “I’m Ryan. I’m your fiancée. We were dating… for five years. And then you… Do you not remember me? At all?” I’m just so confused at this point.
And then I see that he’s starting to cry. And some part of me really doesn’t want to watch him cry. But there’s nothing I can do about it. I really don’t remember who he is, “I don’t even know who I am,” I whisper, staring into his beautiful honey eyes, “But I know who you are now,” I manage to smile. I now know more about my apparent fiancée than I know about myself.
What color is my hair? What color are my eyes? What’s my full name? He then answers that for me… vaguely, “Bren…” he sits down on the bed beside me and looks me in the eye, “I love you. And you love me. We’ve known each other since college. We dropped out together because both of us thought it was bullshit. And you started your own photography business. And, well, it didn’t work out so well for me. But that’s okay. Because I have you. At least, I did. Please, I can’t lose you. You’re the only person who means this much to me.”
“I’m not dying… Ryan, right?” he nods, “I don’t remember anything. But I’m sure that I love you. That’s something that the heart doesn’t forget, no matter what you do to the human brain. My brain doesn’t even remember you, but when I say the words ‘I hate you, Ryan,’” I winced, “Yeah, it hurts. In here,” I try to point, but I forgot that I can’t move my arms. I sigh, “So I know I can’t hate you. Just… Can you tell me the small things? Like my full name? Maybe my favorite color? My hair color?”
He laughs a little, wiping a tear from his face, “Your name is Brendon Boyd Urie. You have two dogs, named Bogart and Penny-lane. Your favorite color is red and you have beautiful brown hair,” he reaches over and plays with a strand of it, “And your eyes are brown, but they’re the most beautiful brown I’ve ever seen in my life. They’re like… chocolate. I could eat them,” he smirks.
I stare at his smirk and I blush a little, “I remember that smirk. I don’t know why. But I remember it.”
He laughs a little, “Good, at least you remember something. I just hope you remember all this information about yourself soon enough. It’s not fun that you’re all forgetty. I like you… remembery,” he sticks his tongue out the side of his mouth.
I laugh a little, “Kiss me. Maybe I’ll remember.”
“You sure?” he seems hesitant.
He leans over and kisses my lips. And it’s like I don’t even know how I couldn’t remember him before. I still don’t know our past. But I know him. He’s the love of my life. And I never want to leave him. I still can’t move. So I can’t make him stay kissing me as he pulls away, “Anything?”
“I remember you. Now come back down here and kiss me.”
“Wait, you remember me? Like everything?”
“No, I just remember you. I remember that I can’t live without you, that I need you in my life, that you mean the absolute world to me. I love you with all my heart and more. I love you with my toes and my fingers too. And the little bone in the ear that doesn’t matter. And the—” he kisses me again with the biggest smile on his face. I made him happy. I’m happy.
It may take me a while to remember everything. But that’s okay. I know that I have Ryan. And he’s the love of my life. That’s more than I can ask more, I can say that. He pulls away and smiles at me, “I was afraid I’d be the only thing you wouldn’t remember. You hungry? I’ll go get us food.”
“Not really. But you can. I’ll just stay here.”
He chuckles and I can see sadness in his eyes. Is he going to go cry? Is he going to leave me to cry? No, Ryan, don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t leave if it means you’re going to go cry. I love you. He nods and turns to leave, but I gasp, “No!” he spins around and looks at me, “Don’t leave. I can tell that you’re sad. You’re going to cry. But if you cry, I want it to be in here, with me. You hide yourself. But you can’t do that with me. You won’t hide yourself anymore.”
“How… How did you know? You can’t remember anything!”
“I know because you’re my Ryan. No matter what I remember or forget, I’ll always know when you’re upset. So get your small little butt over here and cry into my shoulder. I’d rather you cry with me than go cry by yourself.”
“No buts!” I yell, “Sit your ass down and let me hold you while you cry.”
“But you can’t even move,” he sniffled, tears starting to fall down, “You can’t hold me if you can’t move.”
“It’s in spirit, dammit. Now get over here.”
He walks over slowly and lays down on the bed next to me and buries his face into my shoulder. It takes all my strength, but I manage to move one arm around him and he looks up at my face. I give him the most encouraging smile I can and he smiles back. I love his smile. He takes a deep breath and buries his face back into my shoulder. It’s then that I feel tears wetting the massive piece of fabric I’m wearing. And it’s okay. I love him. He needs me. I need him. I’m not letting him cry alone.
A/N: I'm not sure if this should be a one shot or not. But I'm going to call it that because, well, that's what it was in my head when I thought of the idea. And this is to make up for me not posting Wrong Time, Wrong Place yesterday. I'M SOWWY. I had school and just brainfarted. :( Anyway, rate and review! :)
A/N 2: So DisenchatedDestroya is doing this thing where she does a one shot for every letter of the alphabet. And she said I could do it too. :P So this is A, cause I can't think of another A word that I could do a prompt for. B will come tomorrow. These will come sooner than my chaptered fics.