Brendon must choose between Sarah and Ryan.
Skype was his prime form of communication with everyone; that is, when he lost his iPhone. So he had no ability to facetime with anyone. Of course, though, I went to every show of his when he came back home for a show. But I couldn’t follow him. I didn’t have the money for it. What with featuring vocals and producing, I didn’t have much money.
At this point, I was on my computer, playing around with Avid Pro Tools on my Mac, mixing some song I had made when I was bored. Then suddenly I got a black pop-up on my screen. ‘Brenny Bear is requesting a video chat with you.’ I hit ‘Accept’ and gave a big smile, “Hey.”
“Hey! I know I didn’t warn you, but I’ve missed you like crazy!” he blew me a kiss. I smiled at him.
I couldn’t help but smile whenever we talked. I missed going on tour with him. He was always so much fun. After the break up of the band and of us, there was a whole year before we even talked again. When we did finally, he was dating this girl. Her name was Sarah. It hurt. Then again, I was dating Z, so there wasn’t really anything different between us. But I broke up with her for him. He didn’t do the same.
“So what have you been up to?” he asked, leaning forward on his elbows.
As I looked at him, I suddenly couldn’t stop thinking about the two of them. Brendon and Sarah. Engaged. Yeah, they were engaged. And their wedding was set to a month from now. It was set for six months before her birthday. August 23rd. A week before mine. When I found that out, it almost killed me. Great birthday present, right? But I forced a smile, “I’ve been…” I then sighed and let the smile disappear, “Why, Brendon? I broke up with Z for you. I haven’t had a girlfriend in a long time. And you’re getting married in a month. I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore. I can’t kiss you, knowing that you’re with her. I can’t sleep with you knowing that you’re putting your dick in someone else. I never wanted to give you an ultimatum, but I’m doing it,” Brendon didn’t reply. He just looked distraught. I took a deep breath, “I love you. And we broke up—”
“That’s right! We broke up, Ryan. We broke up. You don’t have the right to give me an ultimatum. I love her. I do love you too. But… I’m not going to be one of those guys who ends up with a guy for the rest of my life.”
“So you can’t imagine the rest of your life with me.”
He was silent for a long time. He was pondering what to say. And then he turned around and Sarah came into view. He smiled, “Hey there, sweetheart,” he pulled her into his lap and kissed her on the lips, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing… Well… Spencer told me that he caught you with Ryan the day before you went on tour… Tell me he’s lying. Please. Because… we’re getting married in a month. And if you are cheating on me… with Ryan…”
“He is,” I didn’t speak through the webcam. Why didn’t I say that? I knew. I didn’t want to ruin everything for Brendon. Brendon would hate me if I ruined it.
Brendon looked over at me on the screen and I minimized the window and kept producing the random song I had been working on earlier. But I could still hear them. Brendon took a deep breath and looked at Sarah, “But if I choose you over Ryan… Would you forgive me?”
My heart stopped. Not only was he asking her, but he was saying he would choose her over me. I was about to shut my computer and just go out and find someone to have a one night stand with. Brendon and I were over. I couldn’t believe it. I still didn’t want to.
Then she said the words “Do you want him? Or do you want me? And I want the truth. You have both of us listening. So either way you’re going to hurt one of us.”
“Yeah, but you’re the one who’s here right now and you could physically hurt me back.”
“So it’s him then.”
“Not necessarily. I was just saying that if it was him, you could hurt me.”
“I won’t then.”
I pulled the window back open and I stared at his face. I waited for the answer: the one I didn’t want to hear. I knew he’d choose her. I knew that he’d want her. He even said that he couldn’t see himself being with a guy for the rest of his life. I was a guy. Sarah was a girl. He was going to choose her. I felt tears at the corners of my eyes. Why was I waiting here? Why was I still here?
“Distance makes the heart grow fonder,” was his reply. I was so confused. I didn’t know what that meant. He looked over at me as he continued to respond to Sarah, “I go on tour a lot, I spend a lot of time in the office because it reminds me of Ryan. It reminds me of who I used to be… when I was with him…” he then looked at her, “But I spend so much time away from him than I do from you and it hurts so much. So when I do see him, it’s like… It’s like an explosion of intense emotions and it’s the… most amazing thing ever.”
“So you want him.”
He took another deep breath, “But when I come home to you, you’re sitting there, taking care of Penny Lane and Bogart… with cupcakes on the counter. And you play those games with me. And you watch The Walking Dead and Breaking Bad with me. And it’s like… It’s amazing. I love coming home to you. And I want to marry you because I love you so much.”
“So you choose her,” I finally managed to find my voice.
“I don’t know,” he whispered, “I love both of you. And I just… God, I don’t want to make this choice.”
“Then I’ll make it for you,” Sarah got up and walked off. Brendon stood up and I got a nice view of that beautiful ass. God, I loved his ass. Wow, sidetracked, much?
“Sarah, what are you doing?” that’s when she came back and put a ring in his hand, gave him a scrapbook, and a shirt. She then walked away again. He turned toward me and then looked at the things in his hands. He turned back to her as she came back with a suitcase, “Have a good life, Brendon. Really. It’s obvious what your heart wants. The way you talked about Ryan… You love him more than you love me. And it’s obvious. So… Yeah, you just… have a fantastic life,” then she looked at me, “And fuck you,” she walked off.
Brendon fell back into the chair and stared at the things in his hands. He was shaking. Shaking. He started to cry and that hurt. I sat up in my seat, “If you want her, chase after her, Bren. Just go. You’re crying. The last time I saw you cry was when we broke up because you were upset you lost me. So fucking go. I’m going to go get laid at some bar.”
Just as I was about to close my laptop, he yelled, “WAIT!” and I stopped, “I’m shaking and crying because she’s right. I love you. I’ve always loved you more. Fuck distance. Fuck long distance. I’m in San Francisco. Come up. Please. I need you.”
“COME BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND!”
I sat back in my chair, “Okay, I’ll leave now…” I smiled, “No more long distance.”
“Welcome back to Panic! At the Disco,” he smiled.
A/N: D in the alphabet challenge. Distance. Long distance. Etc. Yeah. I asked someone for a word starting with D and he said delicious, then suggested a cannibalism story. But I decided on Distance because, well, I don't think anyone would appreciate the actual cannibalism of the members of Panic!. Haha. Please rate and review. :)