All Phil Lester wants to do is kiss his boyfriend. PHAN one-shot.
“Dan. I want. I.” The older boy huffs, slumping against the lockers that line the school corridors. “Daniel Howell, can I kiss you?”
Dan just looks stunned, as though someone just told him that he’s actually a fictional character in a videogame and all of this is some kind of Matrix-style lie. He seems to shrink even further into his too-big blazer, the action making him look more like a jittery first year rather than a fairly confident Year Ten talking to his boyfriend in the year above. His eyes, brown and huge, dilate slightly, filling with something that the older of the two places to be panic.
And that hurts. Not in an ouch-I-just-stubbed-my-toe kind of way but more like in an oh-shit-I-just-shot-myself-in-the-foot kind of way. Because Dan, beautiful and funny and charming Dan, is Phil’s boyfriend; he’s supposed to want Phil to kiss him, not act like it’s a fate worse than certain doom.
Phil’s waited, really he has, and he understands that Dan’s younger than him and sweet and shy and nervous about it up but it’s just a kiss for Christ’s sake. It’s hardly like he’s asking Dan to give him a blow job in the middle of the school English corridor. See, Phil likes to think that he’s pretty mature and caring when it comes to things like this but, in all honesty, right now, there’s nothing he wants more than to kiss his boyfriend.
No; he wants his boyfriend to want Phil to kiss him. That’s all. Not exactly asking for a pet dinosaur, is it?
“Oh, uh, I.” Dan stutters, fidgeting awkwardly with the end of his tie, seemingly wanting to just disappear. “Well, um.”
Phil pushes himself off of the lockers, sighing laboriously in the process, and comes to stand directly opposite Dan. He tries his best not to look intimidating, something that he hopes would be a given considering that Dan is his goddamn boyfriend, yet finds it hard not to want to assert himself as the older, taller male of the two. The leader, if you will; someone who can take what they want and have no questions asked.
“You’re my boyfriend, Dan. I should be allowed to kiss you.”
At the almost-demand, tiny tears start welling up in the fourteen-year-old’s eyes; his body trembling before the sixteen-year-old and making the older completely melt into a pit of guilt. He never meant to make Dan cry, that’s the last thing he’d ever want, nor to make him feel inadequate or threatened. All Phil had wanted when he made the meagre request was the opportunity to make Dan feel special and loved and all gooey inside.
To make him feel how he deserves to feel.
He takes a step forward and wraps his arms tightly around his boyfriend, swaying them gently on the spot in an act of apologetic comfort. Besides, hugs are always nice; almost as good as kisses if they’re done right. Which they are whenever Dan’s involved; Phil swears on Buffy the Vampire Slayer that the kid takes secret hugging classes after school. Or maybe it’s just a natural talent. Either way, Phil always winds up feeling like the most beloved teddy bear in the world whenever the two do snuggle together; even just here in the middle of school it feels special.
Dan’s head buries deep into Phil’s chest, the soft point of his nose nuzzling in like a precious golden bullet, lodging right in there. The two boys just fit together, Phil engulfing Dan like a tidal wave of love and Dan more than happy to just drown in the adoration.
“I’m sorry, Danosaur, I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable. I mean, you know I’d never force you to do something, right?” He feels Dan nod against him, no hesitation at all. “And that I’d take it nice and slow? No wandering hands or anything, Scout’s Honour. “ Another nod, this time ending with Dan’s head so far into Phil’s blazer that the only visible part of the boy is his silky flop of deep chocolate. “So why not, Dan? Is it… Do you just not like me? Did I do something wrong?”
Dan’s a pace away from Phil and looking him straight in the eyes with a an air of earnest sincerity before Phil can even finish the second question, shaking his head so vehemently that Phil’s half scared that it will fall clean off, leaving him with nothing to kiss at all. The younger boy grabs Phil’s hand, squeezing it and running his thumb in circles; trying to convey everything that he feels, all the love, in that one simple gesture.
“No! You haven’t done anything wrong and I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything else ever. So don’t start thinking like that. You, Phillip Lester, are literally the best thing to ever happen to me.” A light blush tints his cheeks, making him all the more irresistible to his boyfriend. “It’s just. It’s me, okay? I’m scared.”
A fond smile strolls it’s way onto Phil’s face, his features giving way to an almost parental look of care. He takes Dan’s other hand, swinging it lightly before bringing it up to his lips and pressing a kiss to it; trying to show the younger that he’s more than capable of being the perfect gentleman when the situation requires it.
For his part, Dan’s face is practically on fire. He wants those lips, the ones on his hand, so badly. Like, his whole body is actually pulsing with desire, with a primal need for Phil’s lips to be on his. But, just like he said, he’s scared.
“What if I mess it up?” He wonders out loud, Phil giving him his full attention like a Christian in church. “Or what if I’m really bad at it and you decide you don’t want me anymore? I can’t lose you, Philly. I just can’t!”
And he’s close to tears again, once more hiding himself in the warm depths of his boyfriend; a very shocked Phillip Lester who doesn’t quite know what to do.
“Hey, Dan? It’s okay, y’know. That you’re scared.” Gently, he pulls Dan out and holds him at arm’s length. “If it helps I’ve, uh, well. I’ve never kissed anyone before either. Not properly, anyway.”
Dan blinks, a look of utter shock on his face, the idea of Phil being in the same boat apparently a completely foreign concept to him.
“Really.” Phil smiles, using his thumb to wipe away a stray tear from his boyfriend’s face; his. “We can both have our first kisses together. I mean, if you want. And I promise, I swear on Totoro that I’ll love you no matter what you kiss like. But only if you can promise the same for me. Okay?”
Dan nods, face lighting up for the first time since the conversation started, and places Phil’s hands firmly on his hips, causing a sound of delighted pleasure to squeak out of the older boy’s lips. He lets his fingers melt into the sharp-soft hipbones, feeling everything that is his simply exist underneath his hands. They both start to lean their faces in with Phil’s tilted slightly to the left as he gazes intently at his boyfriend; beautiful and innocent and perfect.
So perfect and so his.
But it just stops there, neither boy daring to make the final push. Dan through raw nerves and Phil through a sudden bout of fear as to what would happen if Dan starts freaking out, or if he does something to hurt the boy; he’d never forgive himself.
And then it happens. Not the kiss, but a heavy impact against Phil’s back; the impact of a person, a girl Phil thinks, crashing into him from behind.
And forcing his lips onto Dan’s.
And, Jesus Christ, fireworks.
To begin with it’s a little rocky, all shy and unsure, but once both boys have recovered from the shock, boy, does it get good. Phil’s hands grip on tighter and Dan wraps has arms around Phil’s neck, pulling the taller boy down in order to deepen the kiss. Their lips seem to know what they’re doing even if the boys don’t; the two virgin mouths dancing together, giving and taking like they’ve been created for this sole purpose.
After a minute or so of this, which feels like a cross between a millisecond and an eternity, Phil’s eyes ping open; piercing blue staring straight into swirling brown. He pulls away, sucking slightly on Dan’s lower lip as he does so, and beams, blissfully content to just take in everything.
A noise to his side alerts him to a rather dishevelled onlooker, a short girl with long locks of golden-brown licking down to around her chest, looking as though she’s never seen anything so cute in all of her life. Phil vaguely recognises her from a few of his classes and he can’t help but give her a grateful grin of appreciation; after all, if it wasn’t for this girl crashing into him, he may never have actually kissed his boyfriend.
“Hey! What’s your name?” He shouts just as she starts to walk away, his hands still holding firmly onto Dan as though he might fade away at any given second. “I’m Phil.”
“Hannah. I’m Hannah.” She replies, waving back at them as she very nearly walks into another group of passers-by. “Um, see you around!”
“Yeah?” Dan swallows, looking up nervously at his boyfriend. “Was I bad?”
“No! In fact, that kiss was so good that I think I’m going to have to stay with you forever and make you have a million babies. And do you know what?”
Dan just shakes his head, shoulders dropping down as all of the nauseating worry drains out of him, and leans happily against his boyfriend. His.
“The first one’s going to be called Hannah.”
A/N: Part ‘W’ in my Alphabet Challenge, only three more to go! Thanks for reading and please, please let me know what you think! :D