A little Mikey and Alicia oneshot. WARNING a slight character death :( x
He's all snuggled up under that blanket. The fire blazing like some kind of volcano. His silver hair blowing softly from the heat. Outside it's a different story. The storm has the waves lapping together and hissing with anger. The sky is nothing but white. Like angels are up there, if only i believed that. If only that were true. Maybe we wouldn't be here right now.
What will i tell Sarah and Ashton? Our girls. They will want to know why, they will want to know exactly how, they will want their mother to guide them through it, although she was the reason he was so far away. I remember the day of the diagnosis. The vacant stare of Mikey. The icy, defiant glare of the doctor as he scanned through the MRI Results. I prepared myself for the worst, but i hoped and held on for the best. The sleepless nights when i'd sneak out for a cigarette to calm myself down after waking up, sweating and clutching at the egyptian cotton we had laid our backs on for the last fifty seven years. Sixty one years ago we had first met.
I remember that day more vividly than any other. I didn't think anything would come of it, but i was fooled in that respect. I earned my marriage, my beautiful daughters and a life worth living from that one special day. I know it sounds ridiculous, that one day could affect your entire being and map out your entire lifetime, but it can happen. The lucky ones have these days, and i am so happy i fell into the lucky category.
He made me promises he always remembered and never failed to keep. Until one day, he did. And that was when i knew everything was about to change.
Dementia. "It's a tough disease." Dr. Samuels had said. Understatement of the century. It was tough on him alone, he could feel himself fading slowly. Like a ghost, right before you but not quite fully there. The look on his face the day our Sarah cried; such confusion. Why was this girl crying? And to him, more importantly, who on earth was she? It was hard to believe that he had sat her on his knee and softly played chords to her as a devilish three year old, or when she finally came into our lives after IVF and he smiled so widely.
Ashton was too scared to visit for a while. But she came around gradually, she stopped shutting her father out and tried so hard with him. Taking him to the park where we'd spend our Sundays as a family, or at Christmas taking him to the nutcracker shop and treating him to a pumpkin spiced Latte on the way home. When she explained she was going away for a while to study he had cried his eyes out. In some way, it made me happy. He had cried with pride when Sarah had gone to College and now Ashton had that same memory to keep with her too. Sometimes things would come back to him, he'd ask for his Donna. His mother and every time i had to explain she was no longer around he would scream until his eyelids fell shut. A syringe. Sedatives, me, his wife having to sedate him. It made me sob every time. My chest would ache for him, my eyes would burn and a little bit more, my heart would break.
Looking out now into our garden,the Tree house Donald had helped us build, the tyre swing Sarah and Bandit could play on for hours. And my husband, the love of my life, the hope inside me, sound asleep. But this time he would never wake up. Never wonder where Donna was, ask who our daughters were or tell me i looked like the prettiest lady in the world. And because he asked me, i had to allow it. The compassion overtook me as his stare gave me butterflies. I mixed the lethal concoction and kissed him a long goodbye, before i let him go. I let him have his peace at last.
I'll miss you my Angel.
I'll be his Forever,
Alicia Marie Way until the day we can be together again. Always.