“Ever hear of the mile high club?”
The aisles were hard to move through, even with my body. I grunted and moved past some lady that was old enough to be my mother but not nearly pretty enough. She smelled bad.
I should have just booked a different flight, with first class available. I couldn’t believe my bad luck- renovations? Since when did first class need renovated? Liars.
Seat 11B. I was stuck in between some fat guy and the wall of the damn plane. The man looked up and smiled widely. Did he even bother to brush his teeth? “Hi, 11B?” Well, yeah. That’s why I’m standing here staring at you, beauty queen.
“Yep.” I managed to bite back any rude remarks. Jon would be proud of me. At this level of calm… Spencer would be proud of me, and he had higher standards than Jon.
“Here, let me get out of your way buddy.” I’m not your buddy.
The man stood and I swear my world tilted for a split second. How much power did his large body have? This plane was going to crash if he sneezed. Fuck.
I quickly took my seat, only to have the man sit back down and fucking ruin everything. “Um.” I licked my lips as I searched for that inner calm that Jon was always babbling about. “Excuse me Sir but your body seems to have found its way in to my seat.”
His body was oozing in to my personal space, and this was the making of a horror movie. “Oh, I’m sorry.” He shifted, but it didn’t help.
“Okay I am not going to spend hours with your fat-ass leaking on to my lap.” I spit out. Fuck being calm. It never got me anywhere. When Jon said being nice made you happier, I doubt he ever had part of a fat man oozing on to his body.
The man started babbling, and his voice broke- and there were tears. Good god, he was a grown man! Just as I opened my mouth to bash him endlessly someone else spoke over me, and the only reason I paused was because this someone else was female, and well… I had an affinity for females.
“Excuse me-“ She sounded uncertain. “Is everything okay?” Stupid flight attendants. My liking towards her gender evaporated quickly.
Flight attendants were virtually unresponsive in bed anyway. I’d already been there, tried that. It wasn’t my style. I gazed at her, somewhat confused by her street clothes. She didn’t look like a flight attendant. “No, everything is not okay.” Here came an actual flight attendant. She stood next to the other girl.
“What is the problem gentlemen?” She gazed at the man that was now crying.
“He’s fucking fat.” I spit out.
“That’s mean.” The first girl to arrive at the scene spoke. I noticed the way her nose scrunched up and I rolled my eyes. Great, she was just a goody-goody.
“Sir-“ The flight attendant had a nasally voice.
“I need a different seat.” I demanded, cutting her off. “I will not sit here while part of this man rests upon me. I don’t play that way sweetheart.”
“I have an extra seat.” The other girl cut in, frowning. “He can sit next to me.”
“So you like having pieces of fat on your lap? Suit yourself.” I pushed the man’s flab away from me but it did no good. He just came right back. It was like the blob. I was surprised I wasn’t disappearing underneath it.
I swear fat people had superpowers like that.
“I- I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you.” The man stuttered. He couldn’t even look at the girl. He’d probably never gotten laid in his life!
The flight attendant cut back in and her annoyance was not overlooked. I just didn’t particularly care. This was her job. She could at least attempt to suck it up and smile. “You-“ She pointed at me, “Sit with her. Case closed. Thank you.” With that said she walked away.
I rolled my eyes as the man stood up. He was careful not to even look at the girl standing next to him. I climbed out of my seat and gazed at her, “Well at least you aren’t that fat.”
Yeah, I had settled for using a petty insult because she’d insulted me by offering that other guy a seat and not me. I was petty like that, sometimes. It was something that Spencer constantly told me whenever Brendon and I argued.
She wasn’t fat at all, and she had a nice ass. I stared at it the entire time she led me to her seat. She took the window seat, and I settled down next to her. “Boyfriend ditch you or something?” I asked.
She looked like she was working her way through a break up. She wasn’t wearing any make up, though I figured with make-up on she might actually be attractive. She had her hair thrown up in to the messiest bun I’d ever seen, and she was wearing post break up clothing- sweats and a t-shirt. She looked wrecked. Totally a break up.
She didn’t respond as she searched for something in her bag. Seconds later her IPOD was falling to my feet as she dropped it. Her fingers were shaking pretty badly. Bad break up?
I reached down and handed it to her. She closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath before reaching over and taking it. “Star struck or something?”
“Hmm?” She gazed at me in confusion as her fingers closed over the IPOD. I let it go in to her hands and she dropped it again. With a loud sigh I reached back down, grabbing it once again. This time I placed it in her lap, where she left it.
“Why are your hands shaking like that? It’s either drugs, alcohol, a really bad break up… or me.” I smirked. “And I’m guessing it’s me.”
“You?” She swallowed hard, “I’m terrified of flying.”
“Really?” I laughed.
She didn’t laugh. She was fucking serious… “Why the hell are you flying then?”
“It’s personal.” She responded quietly.
The flight attendant had already spoken, but I missed whatever it was she said. As she walked past us she informed us that we were about to take off, and needed to buckle in.
There was a warning to shut off all electronics and the girl awkwardly stuffed her IPOD back in to her bag. They started going over safety features, like the oxygen masks and emergency exits. As I finished buckling my seatbelt I glanced at the girl. She hadn’t moved, but her face had paled. I rolled my eyes and reached over. She didn’t even move as I buckled her in.
I leaned over and whispered in her ear, “I could take your mind off of this if you want.”
“What?” She whispered back, even though we didn’t need to whisper.
I kept the whispering thing up, for effect. “Ever hear of the mile high club?”
The sharp slap across my cheek made me think she had heard of it. “Let that be a lesson.” She hissed, before turning to gaze out the window.
“Turbulence is a bitch.” I loudly declared, “Let’s hope the plane doesn’t explode.” With that I slapped my hand down on her thigh as hard as I could. She didn’t even react. Bitch.
(Yep, Ryan is a bit of a jerk in this. Character development anyone?)