FicWad

"Gerard Arthur Way?.... Will you marry me?" 
I stare into the eyes of my lover in absolute shock as he gently holds a sparkling silver band up to me. 
My lips quiver and turn into a soft smile as I kneel down in front of my boyfriend- no- fiancé!- and pull him into a hug.
He tenderly slips the beautiful ring onto my finger and kisses me. 
"Frank" I rest my forehead on his, "I love you so much."
He smiles at me and strokes my cheek, "I love you too Gerard. I will love you forever. No matter what happens, I always will." 

I look down at my hand. The engagement ring still shimmers on my left ring finger. Unmoved from where he placed it.

It's been three years. 
Three whole years. 
No matter how long it's been, it will never hurt any less. Some things just never heal... A broken heart is one of them. 

I'm in his room. Frank's room. I haven't been in here for almost all of those three years. I just couldn't bear to. Entering his room- so empty and silent and full of dust- it just makes it all too real. 
Why am I here now?
Because. It's been three years. Exactly three years ago to this day. 
Exactly three years ago was our wedding that had never happened.
Exactly three years ago....
Was his funeral.

I'm looking through the boxes in his room. The boxes filled with memories. Such beautiful memories.. Yet they hurt so bad. Each photograph of him and me is like a knife jabbing into my heart, going deeper with each thrust. 
I miss him so bad.
I open another box and choke on fresh tears. 
Pansy. 
The guitar he'd wanted for years that I bought for his 18th birthday. He was so happy. I can still remember the look on his face..
I lift the guitar and smile sadly as I discover the songs he had written, tucked beneath.. Most of them for me..
I close the box and push it away. 

Another box brings on another wave of grief. 
Inside is  a note he had written to me only a few nights before he died. Before a drunk driver had collided with his car head-on. Before he had left without a goodbye.
My tear reddened eyes scan the note. It's about the wedding. He couldn't wait to walk down the aisle with me. One line kills me: "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you" 
If only he had known. 
If only he had known that our time together wouldn't even be that long. 
Fresh tears escape my eyes and silent sobs rack my body. I hold the note to my chest and cry my heart out into my knees. 
"Oh Frankie.. Why... W-Why did you have to go?.... What.... ever happened t-to...'Forever'?"

 Only a few hours later I have gone through almost all of the boxes. All but one. The one I've been saving for very last because I know it will be the most painful to see. 
Slowly, I turn the lid of the box. 
I gently stroke the soft black material that rests inside.
I delicately lift out the piece of clothing. I gaze sadly at it, once again feeling a new wave of sorrow washing over me as I hold up the beautiful black suit.
It's my wedding suit. The one Frank picked out for me. The one that never was worn to a wedding, but rather, a funeral. It matched the one Frank had for himself. The one he wore in his casket as he was laid to sleep eight feet under.
I stand up, still holding the suit and smile.


I'm standing in the graveyard wearing my wedding suit.
A rope is in one hand, a bouquet of flowers in the other.
The sky is a dreary and dismal grey, and the falling rain matches the falling tears on my cheeks. 
I'm staring at his headstone. The proof that he's really gone. 
I kneel down on the wet ground in front of it and gently stroke the cold stone. 
"Frank... I-I love you so much, baby.." the tears are freely dripping down my face, blending with the steadily falling raindrops. My sobs echo through the empty cemetery.
"I miss y-you so... So much.." 
I place a bouquet of red roses in front of the tombstone. They're the exact same as the ones we had chosen for our wedding. The same ones for his funeral. 
One rose of the bouquet is in the buttonhole of my suit jacket.
I hold up the piece of rope in my grasp.
"It's hell to try to live without you, Frankie. It's not even living. I can't even try to be happy. I've given up trying, it's just impossible..." 
I can't even see through the heavy tears pouring from my eyes. I hiccup and sob wildly.
My lips curve up into a sad smile.
I hold up the rope- tied perfectly into a noose.
"I want to be with you. Forever."
I turn to walk away.

And as I gaze over my shoulder at my lover's grave for one last time.. I swear I heard a faint "I'll be waiting for you"