It's impossible to not laugh at Gerard's sass.
The next day, I woke up in a much better mood. Maybe it was because of what Frank said. He just seems to make everything okay, and because of that, I’m going to train myself to fall out of love with him. I can’t lose a friend like that, and he’s the nicest guy I’ve ever met. Besides, he’s too old for me. He probably doesn’t like me like that anyway.
Love should be on the last thing on my mind anyway. I got up, got ready because we’re going to the sass man’s house today. Apparently we’re having a mini-contest today for the sass queen, we don’t know what it is though, so we need to be prepared. I like Gerard though. He’s funny, and apparently he’s a great dad. I’m going to meet all their wives and kids, except Franks of course. He says that he’s single and too awesome to be otherwise. If I ever got the chance though, I’d like to change that.
When I went downstairs, I was greeted by Ray and Mazy. Apparently the twins weren’t up yet.
‘Hi Penina.’ Ray greeted.
‘I’ve got a question.’ I said.
‘What is it?’ Mazy asked.
‘When do I start school, and where?’ I asked. They looked shocked.
‘I didn’t know you wanted to start school so soon.’ Mazy said before sipping her tea.
‘Yeah, well, I just want to go. I don’t like staying at home. It’s boring.’ I said. It’s true. When I went to my last foster home, they wanted me to settle down, so I didn’t go to school for a few months. I was literally climbing the walls. I just wanted to go. Ever since then, I wanted to go to school every day I could.
‘Well, we could sort it out so you go on Monday.’ Ray said. I nodded my head.
‘Yeah, I’d like to go then.’ I said.
‘We’ll try our best then.’ Mazy said. Ray was cooking pancakes, so I had those with Nutella and some chocolate milk. I love chocolate milk.
When the twins woke up, Mazy and Ray dressed them. I got to help feed them breakfast which was really cute. We left to go to Gerard’s straight after. Ray rang the doorbell, and of course, Gerard answered in his pink, feathery boa, and a bra, which he probably stuffed. He was wearing a cowgirl hat and a bikini bottom. I just laughed.
‘That’s not sassy, that’s just stupid. Oh, and for the record, you’re not that well-endowed.’ I said. I then smiled sweetly at him. He just gasped. Frank giggled and tackled me to the floor.
‘How goes it?’ He asked.
‘Good as long as you never say that again.’ I answered giggling.
‘Yeah, I know.’ He said. He stood up and pulled me up.
A woman with choppy, shoulder-length, dyed yellow hair and pink roots, and hazel-green eyes stared at Gerard in disbelief.
‘Gerard, why are you wearing my things? That was supposed to be for Halloween!’ She said angrily and taking the cowgirl hat off him.
‘I’m trying to…’ He started.
‘It doesn’t matter what you’re doing! Go get Mia.’ She said. Gerard frowned, but did as the woman said anyway. ‘Sorry about that. Hi, my name’s Abbie. It’s so great to finally meet you.’ She said showing me inside.
‘Um, hi.’ I said awkwardly. I liked her though. I just get scared of big gatherings where I’m the centre of attention. It feels like I’m being judged. Like I’m a piece of terrible art and the Louvre museum. Everyone was there.
Sara Way is Mikey’s wife. She likes to be called Batman though. She has long, straight, black hair and blue eyes. Together, they have a baby girl called Becca. They call her Beck though. She’s adorable with her small wisps of dark brown hair, and brown eyes. She’s adorable. She makes the cutest squeaking sounds. I just want to hug her. I love kids. I don’t know why. I guess I have a massive maternal instinct. I always have.
Jennifer’s Bob’s wife. I love her! She’s got black, wavy hair that goes up to her shoulders. She has brown eyes. She’s in a band called The City’s Outlaws. Her band is made up of her, and 5 guys called Aaron, Patrick, Gunner, Dylan and Jason. Jen and Bob have a daughter named Prudence Bryar. Pru has wavy hair like her mothers, but it’s dark brown, and she has hazel eyes. Prudence is 2 years old.
Gerard came down with his 2 year old daughter. She’s called Maria, but her nickname is Mia. She has jet black, extremely curly hair that goes down to her chest, and it’s rather messy, but it looks really pretty. She has big, dark brown eyes, and seems really freaked out at Gerard’s craziness.
‘So, what do you like most in school?’ Jen asked.
‘Being even more clever than the teachers. I love proving them wrong. Serves them right for not watching QI. Stephen Fry is too awesome for words. Sometimes, I wish I were Stephen’s best friend.’ I said.
‘Stephen Fry is pretty cool, but I heard it’s the QI elves that give him the information.’ Sara said.
‘No. It’s Stephen. He’s smarter than the human race combined, and when he takes over the world, he’ll only want a few people to join him in his revolution, and I plan on being one of the lucky ones.’ I said.
‘Enough talking about that clever guy, it’s time for the sass contest.’ Frank said excitedly.
‘What do we have to do?’ I asked.
‘Oh, woops, he meant the sass contest winner.’ Mikey said. I was confused.
‘Seeing as it takes dedication to be sassy, Gerard wins. I mean, you had a lot of balls to do what you did. Even more than all of us men combined. Including the balls that helped in your existence. But, Gerard is sassy full-time. You don’t dress sassy enough I’m afraid. You should have though. It doesn’t mean you’re not sassy though. It means you’re not sassy enough to beat Gerard.’ Bob said. I sobbed.
‘Jesus, it’s not that serious a competition Penina.’ Jen said.
‘It’s not that, it’s that you had to mention my dad’s reproductive tools. I didn’t want to hear that.’ I said. I was telling the truth. ‘I didn’t even want to spend my time in that care home anyway. And because he didn’t put something on the end of his something, I’m here today, and that just really pisses me off. I wish I were one of the sperms that never made it. I wish none of us did. Oh, how I envy that could’ve been half me.’ I said. Everyone looked at me awkwardly.
‘Penina!’ Pru squealed. She toddled towards me and gave me one of her toys. I giggled and smiled at her.
‘Thanks little one. I shall cherish this until you want it back.’ I said. She took it away as soon as I said that, which made me giggle even more.
‘Hey, Penina?’ Frank whispered to me. I nodded my head. ‘Let’s go ransack their fridge. They have loads of good stuff in there, but it’s a two person job.’ He said. I laughed and went in there with him. The others looked confused, but they just sat there and didn’t bother following us. Okay, maybe life wasn’t that bad.
Hey, sorry I didn't update yesterday. Basically, I was too tired, so I fell asleep. Has anyone else heard the eargasmic sound of Conventional Weapons so far? I just want to cry it's so good! The police came over to my house about an hour ago, because my sister was just out of control, so my mum called them over to talk to her. I hate my sister, which probably doesn't sound good, but I do. I hate her. On better news though, at school today, my friend bought jam donuts because it was the beginning of half-term, and Halloween is coming soon, and on our way out, we got chocolate for trick or treat which we didn't even know was happening. Also, that dickhead that made my teacher cry, well, everything's sorted out now. I'm not sure what happened, but it's okay, so that's good. I hate him though. I'm tired though. I'll try to update again tonight, but if I don't, you'll get updates tomorrow. I'll try to update on Sunday, but I don't know if I will because it's the day I go to MSI with my friend, and she wants to go so early. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter! Rate and review, not rate or review. ;) xx