Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance

Origins: Ashley: His Boob Obsession

by ValentineRevenge 1 Reviews

Going into the reason of just why Ashley Purdy is so... bewb obsessed.

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG - Genres: Humor,Parody - Characters:  - Published: 2012/10/29 - Updated: 2012/10/29 - 547 words - Complete

28 years ago

A rather small boy was born in the hospital. Being rather unexpected, the boys parents, well, mostly mother, were scrambling for a name. She decided to name him after her favorite great uncle. However, something got lost in communication, the nurse writing down a girl's name instead.

25 years ago

"But auntie! I thought my cousin was a girl!" A little girl wailed. "Honey, he's a boy." Her aunt said gently. "But he looks like a girl! And he has a girls name!"

True, young Ashley Purdy's name had already caused confusion in his young life. Most relatives thought he was a girl, leading him to acquire a collection of dolls and dresses, due to that communication.

23 years ago

Ashley's parents lay awake, talking.

"I think your naming him a girly name is gonna give the kid issues."

"Don't blame me, blame the nurses!"

"He fucking plays with dolls!"

It was true. By now, 5 year old Ashley had quite the collection of Barbie dolls. However, most ran around au natural. When his mother asked about it, Ashley only grinned and said, "Mommy, they look better not wearing anything."

20 years ago

8 year old Ashley Purdy had gotten sent home from school for yelling out 'boobies' in class. More specifically, he had been transferred to a new class, presided over by a girl who looked like she had just graduated college. She couldn't have been older than 25. After taking them outside, they'd gotten rained on, causing her shirt to become fairly transparent. Young Purdy-boy took it upon himself to yell, "Hey miss! I like your boobies!"

Everyone heard. Including the mean old lady next door, who seemed to be in a perpetual bad mood. "Who was using inappropriate language?" She boomed when she entered. Everyone had pointed at Ashley. He was dragged to the principal's office by the ear. His only defense was "But sir! Boobies are awesome!"

As much as the principal wanted to agree, he was forced to send the young Purdy home with a note pinned to the back of his shirt asking his parents to tell the Pesky Purdy why yelling 'boobies' is inappropriate.

So the next day, he returned, telling his teacher, "Hey miss, sorry for saying 'boobies'. I learned yesterday it's not a nice word. I shoulda said 'breasts' instead, it's the proper word." Ashley couldn't understand why he was sent home again that day.

Present Day

Ashley Purdy still hasn't changed a single bit, still obsessed with boobies, and absolutely loving it. After all, he's always staring at girls, he has a huge collection of porn stashed everywhere, even the kitchen of the tour bus, he knows nearly every internet porn star by name, and he has a membership to nearly every porn sight on the internet. A large following of fan-girls recently made T-Shirts saying "I Fucked Ashley Purdy", and it caught on. The thing is, most of them probably did. His band mates would probably say he had a sex addiction. Hell, CC even went as far as to start leaving brochures about programs claiming to end sex addiction scattered around the tour bus in a not so subtle way.

But here's the thing. The band is wrong. Ashley doesn't have a sex addiction. He has a boob addiction.
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