Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Never Coming Home
Chapter Two: Home
Posted 5.11.2012, 12:15am
“I’m sorry.” Ray looked at Gerard as he spoke. “So sorry.” His voice was trembling as he waited for his friend to say something.
Gee looked up, confused. “Why?”
Ray’s eyes darted back to the road, avoiding Gerard’s gaze. “I put you in there. I’m sorry. You weren’t getting better. And then Mikey called and he said that you were…I dunno man. He said you needed help. It was the only place I could think of. I didn’t realise it’d be so bad.” Ray’s hands whitened as they tensed on the wheel of the car. He blamed himself for the years of his life that Gerard had lost.
“S’okay Ray,” he replied, “I’m all good now. Stop beating yourself up, it’s fine. I’m clean. You helped me, so…thanks.”
Toro glanced over at his friend. In the three years at the rehab clinic he’d lost a lot of weight and his skin had grown deathly pale. Dark shadows hung beneath his eyes from lack of proper sleep. How could he not blame himself?
Then he saw a smile begin to pull at the corners of Gee’s mouth, a genuinely happy one. “How is our Mikey-Way? He back yet? I know he was meant to be serving seven years over there, but you never know, things change right?”
Rays stomach plummeted. He didn’t want to have this conversation. There was no easy way of doing it. It made him feel sick to his core. Gee wasn’t ready to hear what he had to say. “Nah, not back yet.” The casual reply lingered in the air for a while, and then Ray steered away from the topic, “Christa and I are having another.”
Gee looked up at him, drumming his fingers on the dashboard and adjusting his seatbelt so that he could fiddle with the radio. “Another what?” he asked.
“A kid, another mini Toro,” he laughed.
Gerard lifted his hand from where it lay on the volume knob. “What do you mean…another…you have kids now?”
The question came as a shock to Ray. Gerard knew he had kids. He’d been to their birthdays and sat with them at the dinner table. But somehow he’d forgotten them. “Gee,” he replied softly, “You’ve met them. Both of them. My youngest was a few months old, you were there when he was born. The eldest was three when you went were admitted. You looked after her sometimes whilst Christa went out to get groceries. You were teaching her how to paint…don’t you remember?” He knew that Gerard hadn’t been in great shape, but he hadn’t realised the extent of it. His friend couldn’t remember sitting at the kitchen bench with his daughter as they painted with bright pinks and greens. He couldn’t remember when she’d dipped her hand into the paint and pressed it to his face, tracing a green heart onto his cheek. He couldn’t remember squeezing his wife’s hand as she’d screamed for Ray, who was shouting frantically into the phone that his wife was going into labour. He couldn’t remember holding his best friend’s son in his arms just moments after he was born, and pressing him gently into Ray and Chrissa’s arms. It made Ray wonder how much Gee could remember, what other gaps he had in his memories.
“Shit Ray, shit,” Gerard whispered as he ran his fingers through his dark hair, “I should know this, how could I forget that. Why can’t I remember?” There was a muffled sob and a thud as Gerard slammed his head against the headrest. Once. Twice. Three times. His eyes were clenched tightly shut, but tears were beginning to leak from the corners and make their way down his cheeks.
Ray leant over and squeezed his shoulder, trying to comfort his friend whilst simultaneously not crashing the car. “It’s fine, man. You haven’t exactly had an easy ride.”
“But I should remember, Ray. My memories, they can’t just disappear like that. They’re mine.”
Silence settled over pair as they drove, neither speaking a word. Each was absorbed in their own thoughts: Gerard sinking further and further into melancholy as he wondered where the last few years of his life had disappeared to, and Ray trying to figure out how to tell his friend that Mikey Way was never coming home.
*
Gerard woke as he heard the click of the handbrake. It took him a while to adjust to the light and he lifted his head from the window in a daze. There was the soft thud of Ray’s door closing, and then another as he opened Gee’s door. “Home sweet home,” he smiled and held Gerard’s elbow as he got out of the car, a little off-balance.
As they walked up the driveway and Gerard let out a low whistle, “Nice place, Toro.”
Ray grinned. He was proud of his home, he’d worked hard to pay off the mortgage and now he finally owned it. “I’m a lawyer, what’d you expect?”
The front door burst suddenly open and Gerard found himself engulfed in a hug, his hair was being patted and his neck pulled down so that his face was level with that of the woman who had flown at him. She pressed a kiss to his forehead and took a step back.
“Chris,” he beamed, surveying her swollen belly and the happiness in her face, “You look lovely as always. I’ve missed you.”
She eyed him up and down, frowning. “I wish I could say the same for you. You’re too thin. You need to get some proper food into you,” she chuckled, “Come on, stop standing there and get inside. You’ve been away for too long.”
Gerard made his way into the house slowly, looking back only to see Ray embrace his wife and shower her face in kisses. “I’m glad he’s out,” he whispered.
“Mmmm, me too,” Christa replied.
*
For three weeks, life in the Toro household passed without trouble. Gerard spent the days playing with the kids whilst Ray went out to work at the law firm and Christa sat reading on the couch. She tried to get up and do things around the house, but Gerard would insist on her staying put and allowing him to do everything: cooking, cleaning, reading to the kids, bathing them, feeding them. No matter how much she argued, he simply would not budge, and so eventually she gave up and allowed him to pamper her.
And then there was a commotion in the middle of the night, and Ray flew into the room wildly, babbling something about going to the hospital and asking Gerard to follow the ambulance in Ray’s car. Gerard nodded, bewildered. From somewhere down the hall a voice screamed, “Raymond Toro if you do not get your ass in here this second I swear I will-“ It was only when he heard Christa’s scream that Gerards brain kicked into gear. He shoved a paralysed Ray out of his room and down the hall into the room where his wife was supporting herself against a wall, head pressed tightly against her arm. “Here, honey.” Ray said weakly, and wrapped his arm around her waist, lifting her into his arms and carrying her down the stairs. Blue and red lights flashed outside, illuminating the house.
Gerard watched in awe as Ray lifted his wife into the ambulance and squeezed her hand. Then, as it drove down the driveway and onto the main road, he turned and went back to his room. He flung on his clothes, tossing his pyjamas onto the floor. Making his way into the room that the two kids shared, he flicked on the lights. They stared at him, half asleep, and so he lifted them both into his arms and rested them on his hips, one on either side. He bundled them into the car and drove slowly through the streets toward the hospital.
*
Coffee. That was what he needed. His head was slipping slowly onto his chest as he struggled to stay awake. He’d been sitting in the waiting room for hours, and occasionally a nurse would nudge him awake and smile as she told him that the baby wasn’t far away. He staggered to the other end of the room and pressed a coin into the machine. It spewed out some foul smelling liquid and he drank it greedily. A hand grabbed his shoulder and he turned to face a smiling nurse, “You can go in now. I think that Ray and Christa want the kids in there too, I’ve woken them up for you.” Their innocent faces looked up at him and he took each by the hand, leading them into the room where their parents sat, holding a baby boy. Ray had tears in his eyes as he gently placed the infant into Gee’s arms. “We want to call him Mikey. Is that okay?” Gerard nodded, bemused. The child squirmed in his arms, pink faced and tiny. He reminded himself to ask Ray for Mikey’s contact details so that he could tell him the news.
It could wait though.
Posted 5.11.2012, 12:15am
“I’m sorry.” Ray looked at Gerard as he spoke. “So sorry.” His voice was trembling as he waited for his friend to say something.
Gee looked up, confused. “Why?”
Ray’s eyes darted back to the road, avoiding Gerard’s gaze. “I put you in there. I’m sorry. You weren’t getting better. And then Mikey called and he said that you were…I dunno man. He said you needed help. It was the only place I could think of. I didn’t realise it’d be so bad.” Ray’s hands whitened as they tensed on the wheel of the car. He blamed himself for the years of his life that Gerard had lost.
“S’okay Ray,” he replied, “I’m all good now. Stop beating yourself up, it’s fine. I’m clean. You helped me, so…thanks.”
Toro glanced over at his friend. In the three years at the rehab clinic he’d lost a lot of weight and his skin had grown deathly pale. Dark shadows hung beneath his eyes from lack of proper sleep. How could he not blame himself?
Then he saw a smile begin to pull at the corners of Gee’s mouth, a genuinely happy one. “How is our Mikey-Way? He back yet? I know he was meant to be serving seven years over there, but you never know, things change right?”
Rays stomach plummeted. He didn’t want to have this conversation. There was no easy way of doing it. It made him feel sick to his core. Gee wasn’t ready to hear what he had to say. “Nah, not back yet.” The casual reply lingered in the air for a while, and then Ray steered away from the topic, “Christa and I are having another.”
Gee looked up at him, drumming his fingers on the dashboard and adjusting his seatbelt so that he could fiddle with the radio. “Another what?” he asked.
“A kid, another mini Toro,” he laughed.
Gerard lifted his hand from where it lay on the volume knob. “What do you mean…another…you have kids now?”
The question came as a shock to Ray. Gerard knew he had kids. He’d been to their birthdays and sat with them at the dinner table. But somehow he’d forgotten them. “Gee,” he replied softly, “You’ve met them. Both of them. My youngest was a few months old, you were there when he was born. The eldest was three when you went were admitted. You looked after her sometimes whilst Christa went out to get groceries. You were teaching her how to paint…don’t you remember?” He knew that Gerard hadn’t been in great shape, but he hadn’t realised the extent of it. His friend couldn’t remember sitting at the kitchen bench with his daughter as they painted with bright pinks and greens. He couldn’t remember when she’d dipped her hand into the paint and pressed it to his face, tracing a green heart onto his cheek. He couldn’t remember squeezing his wife’s hand as she’d screamed for Ray, who was shouting frantically into the phone that his wife was going into labour. He couldn’t remember holding his best friend’s son in his arms just moments after he was born, and pressing him gently into Ray and Chrissa’s arms. It made Ray wonder how much Gee could remember, what other gaps he had in his memories.
“Shit Ray, shit,” Gerard whispered as he ran his fingers through his dark hair, “I should know this, how could I forget that. Why can’t I remember?” There was a muffled sob and a thud as Gerard slammed his head against the headrest. Once. Twice. Three times. His eyes were clenched tightly shut, but tears were beginning to leak from the corners and make their way down his cheeks.
Ray leant over and squeezed his shoulder, trying to comfort his friend whilst simultaneously not crashing the car. “It’s fine, man. You haven’t exactly had an easy ride.”
“But I should remember, Ray. My memories, they can’t just disappear like that. They’re mine.”
Silence settled over pair as they drove, neither speaking a word. Each was absorbed in their own thoughts: Gerard sinking further and further into melancholy as he wondered where the last few years of his life had disappeared to, and Ray trying to figure out how to tell his friend that Mikey Way was never coming home.
*
Gerard woke as he heard the click of the handbrake. It took him a while to adjust to the light and he lifted his head from the window in a daze. There was the soft thud of Ray’s door closing, and then another as he opened Gee’s door. “Home sweet home,” he smiled and held Gerard’s elbow as he got out of the car, a little off-balance.
As they walked up the driveway and Gerard let out a low whistle, “Nice place, Toro.”
Ray grinned. He was proud of his home, he’d worked hard to pay off the mortgage and now he finally owned it. “I’m a lawyer, what’d you expect?”
The front door burst suddenly open and Gerard found himself engulfed in a hug, his hair was being patted and his neck pulled down so that his face was level with that of the woman who had flown at him. She pressed a kiss to his forehead and took a step back.
“Chris,” he beamed, surveying her swollen belly and the happiness in her face, “You look lovely as always. I’ve missed you.”
She eyed him up and down, frowning. “I wish I could say the same for you. You’re too thin. You need to get some proper food into you,” she chuckled, “Come on, stop standing there and get inside. You’ve been away for too long.”
Gerard made his way into the house slowly, looking back only to see Ray embrace his wife and shower her face in kisses. “I’m glad he’s out,” he whispered.
“Mmmm, me too,” Christa replied.
*
For three weeks, life in the Toro household passed without trouble. Gerard spent the days playing with the kids whilst Ray went out to work at the law firm and Christa sat reading on the couch. She tried to get up and do things around the house, but Gerard would insist on her staying put and allowing him to do everything: cooking, cleaning, reading to the kids, bathing them, feeding them. No matter how much she argued, he simply would not budge, and so eventually she gave up and allowed him to pamper her.
And then there was a commotion in the middle of the night, and Ray flew into the room wildly, babbling something about going to the hospital and asking Gerard to follow the ambulance in Ray’s car. Gerard nodded, bewildered. From somewhere down the hall a voice screamed, “Raymond Toro if you do not get your ass in here this second I swear I will-“ It was only when he heard Christa’s scream that Gerards brain kicked into gear. He shoved a paralysed Ray out of his room and down the hall into the room where his wife was supporting herself against a wall, head pressed tightly against her arm. “Here, honey.” Ray said weakly, and wrapped his arm around her waist, lifting her into his arms and carrying her down the stairs. Blue and red lights flashed outside, illuminating the house.
Gerard watched in awe as Ray lifted his wife into the ambulance and squeezed her hand. Then, as it drove down the driveway and onto the main road, he turned and went back to his room. He flung on his clothes, tossing his pyjamas onto the floor. Making his way into the room that the two kids shared, he flicked on the lights. They stared at him, half asleep, and so he lifted them both into his arms and rested them on his hips, one on either side. He bundled them into the car and drove slowly through the streets toward the hospital.
*
Coffee. That was what he needed. His head was slipping slowly onto his chest as he struggled to stay awake. He’d been sitting in the waiting room for hours, and occasionally a nurse would nudge him awake and smile as she told him that the baby wasn’t far away. He staggered to the other end of the room and pressed a coin into the machine. It spewed out some foul smelling liquid and he drank it greedily. A hand grabbed his shoulder and he turned to face a smiling nurse, “You can go in now. I think that Ray and Christa want the kids in there too, I’ve woken them up for you.” Their innocent faces looked up at him and he took each by the hand, leading them into the room where their parents sat, holding a baby boy. Ray had tears in his eyes as he gently placed the infant into Gee’s arms. “We want to call him Mikey. Is that okay?” Gerard nodded, bemused. The child squirmed in his arms, pink faced and tiny. He reminded himself to ask Ray for Mikey’s contact details so that he could tell him the news.
It could wait though.
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