I visited Ms. Lynn early in the morning to go on my date with Jade. Thank god Jade doesn't stay at that motel anymore. It scared the life out of me. I arrived at her house around 8, right when Ms. Lynn was going to work.
"goodbye Ms. Lynn!" I call as she leaves the door open for me.
"Bye Mikey." she calls back. I enter the house and find Jade eating cereal on the kitchen counter.
"hey." I say as I walk in nervously closer to Jade. It's been so long that I haven't seen her, I still get goose bump. Like the first time I met her.
"hey." she jumps off placing her bowl on the table and coming towards me to give me a hug.
"how are you?" I ask as she grabs her bowl again and we sit on the table.
"I've been good and tired. It's hard to adjust to NJ's time zone." she laughs, "you?"
"okay I guess. I've been tired too. And worried."
"you know.. The wedding..and the additional problems at the wedding created by the love circle.. You know?"
"oh, yeah. That's pretty ridiculous."
"but otherwise, I can't wait for the wedding. It's going to be beautiful. I'm happy for Henry and Linda."
"yeah me too. Henry and Linda deserve each other."
"yeah, soo.. Where do you want to go today?" I lean in placing my elbows on the table. She does the same, "I dont know, surprise me." she giggles.
"okay." I smile.
When she finished her cereal, I waited for her to get ready. I couldn't help but remember my inner-agonizing feeling I had when Jade arrived. I had forgotten about that since all I wanted was to have a good time with Jade. And I have. It's been great to have her around again. But the other day, we went out on another date to the beach. We lied down on the sand and looked up at the night sky. She rested her head on my chest as I held her in my arms. She was looking up at the night sky when she said she had to leave soon. Back to England. And that's when It hit me. I rememebered again and it hasn't escaped my thoughts since then.
We drove over to a near by diner we use to visit when we were in high school. This place has been around for as long as I could rememeber. I was 13 I believe.
We sat down and ordered the biggest meal ever! Or at least I did, I was starving.
As we ate, she told me her funny stories while she's lived in England and how hard it was to be known as a flutist since there is so many great flutists in London. She told me of how much she loves England and how she wants to marry over there. That's a wonderful thought, I like England too. Maybe on her next visit, instead of visiting here, I should go over there and share some good moments with Jade. Maybe even propose..
"I'm just glad these vacations will be the longest. Usually my vacations are about a week or 2." she gigggles, "I'll be here long enough for Henry's wedding."
"so you're staying here for 2 months?"
"exactly! Great isn't it?"
"and when will you be back?"
"I dont know.. Depends. I'm almost done with school work though. I'm auditioning for a new woodwind band when I go back. So that'll take some of my time and vacation if I get it."
Please don't make it.
"that's great Jade. That's wonderful." I lie. I sigh and look out the window trying not to say anything I'll regret and discourage her.
"oh come on Mikey.." she reaches over the table and grabs my hand.
"what?" I giggle trying to hide my sorrow.
"don't feel like this. We'll see each other soon again okay? Besides, I'm here right now. Why not enjoy it while it lasts."
[..while it lasts./]
I squeeze her hand tight and let out a little whimper. She looks at me but I am not able to make out what she is saying. I can't hear; my ears feel like they've been shut out. I can only see her call a waitress for the check. She leaves the money on the table and she leads me out of the diner.
"Mikey!" she says shaking my arm. I'm standing here like a retard not responding.
"Mikey! What's wrong? You're scaring me." she hugs me closer to her.
"nothing." I respond finally breathing and able to hear the outside world clearly.
"don't lie to me. You're not okay. Come on, let's talk about it." we enter my car and sit down for a few minutes without talking. I can't possibly tell her! It'll discourage her.
"ready to tell me?"
"no." I respond. I don't look at her. I can't bare the look on her face right now; full of sympathy.
"I don't want you to go." I blurt out instantly regretting it.
"Mikey.. You know I can't stay."
"I know you can't. And I won't stop you from leaving. But I'm scared okay? Scared."
"why are you scared?"
"I've been feeling depressed since you left. You took a piece of my heart and now my heart aches every now and then because I remember your beautiful smile. I was so use to you being around and when you left, I didn't know what to do. There was nothing else I could do but cope without you being here. It was hell. It is hell. Jade, I love you. I want you around. I can't live without you. It's hard. Especially having to be around people who have been in the same relationship for years. That's really hard because they have their love in their arms while I wish to have you." I cry just pouring out my heart. This is what I've been wanting to tell her.
"and I'm scared to fall back in depression. Because you're not around. I want you to be happy and I want to be okay with it. But I'm not. It hurts. Do you ever feel the same? Have you ever felt this way?"
"yes Mikey.." she softly whispers with tears in her eyes, "always. I don't want to leave either but I want to succeed in life. I want to be successful and be able to raise a family you know? That's why I push myself. To be stabled when It comes to family. Believe me, I felt the same in the early days in England. I missed you and my family so much. It was the first time ever I was so far away from my loved ones. Every night, I wanted you to hug me and tell me I love you. That's why I called you at night. Because I wanted to hear your voice before I went to sleep. Trust me, you're not the only one that felt this way. But I was able to cope. But I was also eager to finish that semester to come here again. And I am here and I'm happy to be here with you. I'm happy you've told me this. I also wanted to tell you this but I was afraid of what would happen if I said it. Thank you Mikey." she leans in and hugs my neck. I gently place my arms on her waist breathing in and out slowly.
"now Mikey, I want you to learn how to cope without me. I know it's hard but you have to try. Just know that I'll always love you no matter how far away I am. I will be back soon. Because I'm almost done with school. But now, let's not worry about this. Let's just have good times instead of bad times. Okay?" she caresses my cheek.
"okay." I finally respond with a smile. We share a long kiss before I start the car and head out to our dance rehearsal for Linda's wedding.
"bye!!" I rush out of Harry's house and enter my car quickly.
"wait!!" he calls out running out barefoot into his drive way.
"just tell me you love me." he says through my window.
"I love you." I smile saying it sweetly.
"wait!" he calls again as I'm almost out of the drive way.
"can you step out of the car for a minute?"
"fine." I step out and approach him. He grabs my hand taking me inside the house. When he closes the door, he quickly swifts me off my feet tackling me on his couch.
"Harry get off. I need to go." I try to push him off since he's eating me up with kisses.
"come on, before you leave?" he tugs at my jeans by my belt buckle.
"no! I really have to go!" I finally get the strength to push him off me and run to the door.
"but Eddie.." he says and quickly covers his mouth.
"I mean Hailey!"
"no!" I laugh. I approach him and kiss his lips lustfully.
"I'll be back later. Now, don't worry. Everything Is going to be okay. Nothing will happen, I promise." I kiss his lips once again.
"fine." he finally let's go of me and watches me from the door as I step inside my car and drive over to my dance rehearsal. It was such a struggle to convince Harry not to go today since he can't control his anger. And even though he agreed not to go, he wouldn't let me go.
At my arrival at the studio, I found Jade and Mikey.
"sup guys." I approach them.
"hey." they reply, "no Harry today?" Jade asks.
"nope, told him not to come."
"aww, who's going to give me company?"
"oh come on, you don't need Harry."
We walk in and enter the studio to find Gerard and Vicky with Ray and Christa.
Gerard takes a look at me with a smile but I don't return the smile. I'm still mad at him for what he had said about me.
We all gather around in a circle and talk as we wait for Frank and Emma to arrive.
"hey." Gerard approaches me.
"hey." I reply but before we can talk like friends, we need to clear things out. "we need to talk."
"okay." we stand up and walk out the door. We stand in the hallway alone.
"what happened last rehearsal?" I command.
"what do you mean?"
"you know exactly what I mean."
"I know that. He told me. But there's something you said-" I hear him gulp and see his eyes widen."
"I'm sorry Eddie!"
"what the hell?! Why would you say that?"
"I'm sorry! I was just so mad for what he did. I swear I didn't mean it." he grabs my hands with force.
"can you not touch me?!" I jerk my hands off his grip.
"but forgive me, please."
"I dont know Gerard. How dare you! You were treating me like a dog. You and him!" I turn around and start to walk away when I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist.
"please, I can't speak to you how I want nor can I hug you. Please don't restrict yourself from me. Don't get angry. I won't be able to bare it. I could barely stand not being able to hold you other than our dance." I stay tense but soften up when I feel his breath on my neck and his body closer to mine. I shut my eyes and inhale, grabbing his arms with my hands. He tightens the grip on my lower abdomen and I hug him closer to me. I lift my left hand up and touch his hair, brushing it through my fingers. Then I feel a soft kiss on my neck.
"no Gerard, stop. Please." I push him away and stare into his eyes that show pain.
"sorry." Is all he says before turning around and walking back in. I stand there emotionless not knowing what to do next. I start to feel guilty. Guilty for accepting Gerard's neck kiss and guilty for rejecting any further move Gerard was going to do. And for myself, because I really wanted to turn around and kiss him.
Before I head inside, I walk to the restroom where I wash my face trying to forget my emotions. I bump into Linda who says she's also working on her dance with Henry and then I head back inside where I find everyone else, including Emma and Frank who had just arrived.
For the rest of class, Gerard and I barely talk. We only talked when It was necessary but otherwise, he had a light hold on me and had a straight face. No emotions, no laughs, no conversations. Nothing.
"wanna hang out tonight?" Emma asks as we exit the studio. Class is over.
"sure. I'd like that. Where to?"
"I dont know, what do you think Frank?"
"we should go the park and have a picnic." he answers drinking his water.
"oh yeah! We haven't done that in a long time." we were all gathered around the hallway. All of a sudden Gerard starts to walk out.
"where are you going?" Mikey calls.
"out." he replies without turning around.
"you're not gonna come with us?"
He turns around and looks at all of us coldly, "no. I can't." and he heads towards the exit. Mikey turns around and looks at me as well as Frank.
"want to go talk him out of it?" Mikey says to me. I nod and run over to Gerard. I exit the door and find him almost stepping in his car.
"Gerard!" I call and run to him. He steps out of his car but stands by the door.
"what." he responds coldly when I arrive.
"what's wrong? why don't you want to hang out?"
"I just don't. I'm not feeling well."
"are you okay? Are you sick?"
"I'm fine. I just.. I don't want to."
"look, I'm hurt okay? I hate seeing you and him together. I hate him. I hate your relationship. I respect it, but that's it. All I want is to be with you but that's impossible right now."
I don't know how to respond to that. I just take a step back. And when I do, he groans and steps inside his car, rushing out of the parking lot. Again, I'm standing there like a loser, regretting the fact that I didn't go with my instinct and tell him I love him then and there. Kiss him and hug him tightly. But then again, that would only hurt him more. The others approach me and ask me what happened. I explain to them but they don't say anything about it. We skipped to another topic and left.
Linda and I headed home early today from the studio. Apparently Blessing wouldn't stop crying for some reason. And even now that we're home, she won't stop.
"come on, here your squeaker!" Linda squeezes the little toy making an irritating sound. I try to calm down but all the screams and the stress over the wedding have me anxious and nervous. I walk to the bedroom I share with Linda and lay for a second and try to calm down. It works for a few seconds till I hear our doorbell ring. I get up and open it.
When I do, I am shocked and my Heart beats faster and faster by the second.
"who is it?" Linda says coming to the door. I turn to her and stare back and forth at my parents and her.
"hi Henry." my father speaks keeping eye contact with me. My mom isn't able to speak either; she keeps her eyes on Linda, and the baby.
"well, are you gonna let us in?" My father says. I nod quickly and open the door wider.
"of course." they step inside slowly and take a seat on the couch. Linda takes the baby inside the room with her and tries to put her to sleep while I speak with my parents.
"here you go." I say and hand them the water they asked.
"may I ask what you guys are doing here?" I fiddle my fingers together playing with my engagement ring.
"we just came to visit." my mother answers with a smile.
"how are you?"
"I'm fine.. Mom. Uhh, you?"
"we're perfectly.. Fine. I see you own your own home now."
"yes, how did you guys find.. Me." I can't help but notice how awkward that sounds. I haven't spoken to my parents in so long that they rarely know of me and I rarely know of them.
"we asked Annie. By the way, I'm happy you guys have a close bond." my dad answers, "it's nice to have family together." I cough trying to keep my nerves down. Together? We're not together. Our family is split in two!
My mother notices my anger and looks at my father who also looks nervous and guilty.
"you're right.." he starts, "we're not together."
"hmm, really?" I start to lose my patience and speak sarcastically.
"we're sorry.." my mother cries, "we're sorry. And that's what we came here for. Henry, you're our only child. And to know that you're getting married and we're not invited.. hurts."
"I assumed you didn't want to come anyway. You guys never approved." my mother lets out a whimper and hugs my dad who also cries silently.
"we know we've said such horrible things about Linda. But we have come to realize that she's the one that makes you happy. And if you're happy, we're happy and we want to let you know we're okay with this marriage. We want to apologize for the horrible things we've said. Linda is beautiful. We've come to realize her good deeds and.. You have a child now. To know that we thought we were going to despise you're child, hurts. We wouldn't have known that your child was born a few weeks ago if it weren't for Annie. She told us everything and we told her. She encouraged us to come talk to you. We were afraid you wouldn't let us in your house. We're sorry we're such horrible parents." my dad begins to cry, something that has been rarely encountered by me. Seeing this, makes me cry. I want to kick my parents out. Because after all these years, till now they come. But, it's better late than never. So I stand up and walk to my parents and hug them.
"I forgive you.." I cry, "I'm thankful for this conversation. You don't know how much this means to me. Thank you." I cry and kiss their cheeks. My mom hugs me tight, almost choking me. I open my eyes, and find Linda standing at the door. I just realized Blessing stopped crying. I stand up, as well as my parents and we walk over to Linda.
"we're.. Truly sorry Linda. We're sorry for what we have said and we hope you can forgive us. I wouldn't want anyone else but you to be with my son. We now realize how happy you make him and that makes us happy. I don't think I would bare the fact to die and still have in mind that I never told my son and his wife I'm sorry. So here we are now, saying it late but it's better than nothing." Linda starts to cry as my mother embraces her.
"it's okay, I'm just happy for this. Thank you for finally accepting me. Thank you." she cries. She moves to my dad.
"Linda you're a beautiful person and thank you for making my son happy. It means the world to me." he tells her. They both cry on each others shoulder and I can't help but feel such joy in my heart. I'm so full of joy I can explode.
"may I.. See your child?" my mom asks placing a light hand on my arm.
"of course you can see your grandchild." I sniff and smile. I walk in the room and check the crib. Blessing lays sucking on her thumb sleeping like a beautiful angel.
"oh lord.." my mother says. She looks down at Blessing and touches her head gently. My father and Linda join us and we all stand by the crib.
"she looks exactly like Linda." my father comments. Linda gently picks Blessing up and passes her to my mother, who gladly accepts her in her arms.
"she's so small.." she laughs. I walk over to Linda and my father walks to my mother. I hug Linda and we both watch my parents carefully care for Blessing.
"I'm glad we named her Blessing." Linda whispers.
"because of her, your parents came to say sorry. I just know it." I look at her smiling knowing she's right.
"I love you. Thank you for being my wife."
"I love you too and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." she says and takes me in for a long sweet kiss.
On our way back home from being at Frank's house the whole day, I asked him to drop me off at Harry's. It's late at night, hopefully he's still awake.
"thanks Frank, tonight was awesome."
"you're welcome Eddie. If you don't mind, I'm going to talk to Gee about what happened"
"it's totally fine. I think you should do it. I don't want him to be feeling down all the time."
"you can't blame him though."
"well anyway, you have a nice night."
"you too. Bye." I step out of the car and walk up the front porch and ring the bell. He might be asleep since all the lights are turned off.
Seconds later, the door opens.
"hey." I say with a smile not stepping in yet.
"t'sup." he responds and moves aside so I can go in. I look around, just like I did when I first came to his house and then face him. He's staring at me awfully odd.
"is there something wrong?"
"where have you been?"
"well excuse me." I chuckle and take a seat on the couch.
"no I mean.. Well yeah, where have you been?"
"I was at Frank's. He had a BBQ." I smile.
"bring me any?" he sits down on the arm of the couch.
"oh I'm sorry, didn't know you'd want some."
"it's okay, I'm just kidding." there was silence again before he enters the kitchen.
"what have you been doing?" I ask following him. For some reason, the atmosphere is odd and awkward.
"went to the studio, gym, slept, and stretched and now I'm trying to go to sleep but can't."
"why not?" he comes closer to me embracing me in a hug. He tightens the grip on my waist and buries his face in my neck.
"I was worried about you."
"why were you worried?"
"I was wondering if you would call or come by."
I laugh, "oh well.. I'm here." he looks at me with a straight face and starts to kiss me. He lowers his hands to my thighs and swifts me up in his arms. He carries me upstairs still kissing and lays me on the bed trying to unbutton my shirt.
"wait, not tonight." I tell him. He continues to kiss me all over my neck and almost exposed chest.
"why not." he says between pants.
"I just don't want to." he stops and looks at me. He grips his jaw and gets off me.
"why." he stands over me with crossed arms. I sit up and button up my shirt again.
"because I don't." I chuckle nervously. I get up and make my way out.
But as I walk to the door, he grabs my wrist awfully hard and pushes me against the wall.
"is he on your mind? Is that why you don't want me tonight?" he has a harsh grip on me. I can't move or struggle my way out.
"Harry stop it!" I yell and kick his balls.
He screams grabbing his package and stepping back.
"did you see him? Kiss him? Is that it!?"
"no okay! He wasn't there! When will you stop being so jealous and trust me!"
He laughs, "trust you?" he stands up straight grabbing his balls with one hand and walks over to me.
"trust you?" he repeats.
"yes.." I answer nervously realizing that there isn't trust anymore because of my incident.
"after what you did? I don't think so." he walks out limping down the stairs.
"wait." I call feeling bad and terrified. He turns around facing me with watery eyes.
"I'm sorry." I say with watery eyes. He comes back up and faces me with gritted teeth.
"I'm sorry." I repeat and hug his neck. His muscular arms wrap around me tight and strong.
"I'm sorry too. I at least should trust you a little more."
"yes, please. Because without your trust, I feel like you don't love me."
"I'm sorry for that."
"it's okay." I brush my fingers through his hair.
"I love you though. I'll have more trust in you." he looks at me and kisses me sweetly making everything all better.
We lay in bed just looking up at the skylights holding hands under the covers.
"I don't like how we fight a lot." I tell Harry.
"I don't like it either."
"how can we fix that?" he props up on his elbow and looks at me. I could see his facial features through the dim light.
"not having Gerard around." he lays back down. I scoot closer to him hugging his waist.
"you know that can't happen. Not soon anyway."
"I know." he sighs.
"why did you love him so much?" he starts after a while.
"I dont know.. He was the sweetest guy I ever met who loved me for who I was when I was 15."
"do you still love him now?"
"I dont know how to respond to that.." I lie. Of course I still do.
He sighs again.
"I mean.. You can't really forget your first love. Didn't you ever have someone like that?"
"to be honest, I don't know. So far, you're the only one I've ever loved so much."
If that's actually true, I feel very bad because he isn't the one I truly love.
"when you have your first love, you feel like you can't live without them and you want them by your side forever."
"I felt like that when we weren't together."
"I can relate" I kiss his neck and make my way up to his lips. I then settle back down on his chest closing my tired eyes.
"I love you Edith." I hear him say.
"I love you too." I respond sleepily. Soon enough, I feel his breathing get slower and calmer and I know he's asleep. I open my eyes. Even though I'm really tired, I can't seem to go to sleep. Gerard is on my mind. I feel bad for what happened today.
I get off the bed and grab my phone dialing Gerard's number. I walk downstairs into the patio.
"hello?" he answers sleepily.
"hi.. Um, are you okay?"
"yeah I'm fine."
"do you not realize why time it is?" he chuckles.
"no I do, I just called because I want to say I'm sorry for what happened earlier." there's silence on the other line, "it's okay. I don't blame you."
"but.. I can't help but blame myself for your misery. It is my fault."
"not it's not."
"yes it is. I'm really sorry. I wish I could do something about it."
"I mean.. Yeah..."
"you do realize you can. You just decide not too."
"I know.. But.."
"look Edith, it's fine. Can we just not talk about this?"
"fine. I'm sorry."
"goodnight..." there's silence again.
"I love you." I say in a low voice so he can hear me. But there's silence again. I check my phone and notice he had hung up already. I cover my face feeling stupid. How can you love two people at the same time? It's just not possible. I love Gerard but I can't be with him. And yes it's true, I can do something about it. If I love Gerard, I could brake up with Harry and go with Gerard. But no. Because our love can't be for each other anymore.
@BrutalCrayon hmm, thanks for the advice... I'll see where I can put that lol. Thanks for the review!
@KilljoyMCRmy well that's very funny xD I'm glad that you're eager to read because sometimes, I don't even like my own chapters lol. I'm my worst critic -.-
@chloewayiero oh god, I'm so anxious to know now. I thought your theory would be what everyone else thought. That Harry was cheating lol. Let me know soon!!
Y'all hold on tight... ;)