To say I was terrified was an understatement. His words shook me to the core. My whole body went cold, and my heart started racing. This was bad. I had to get out of here. Yes, I loved Gerard, and I would do anything to keep him safe. Anything but this. This was too much.
I started struggling against him, trying my hardest to get out of his grip, and out of the car. However, Bert just gripped my wrists tighter, and sat down on top of me. He wasn’t going to let me get away. Not now.
As I continued in my struggle, Bert’s free hand quickly undid my jeans. He pulled them and my boxers down to my knees at the same time. I could literally feels his eyes taking in every inch of me. Never before had I ever felt so self concious about my body. I wanted to throw up.
Bert let go of my wrists and struggled to get his own jeans off. Underneath him, I was thrashing around as much as I could in the confined space of his backseat. He somehow managed to at least get his jeans undone before grabbing my sides and flipping my onto my stomach forcefully. He pressed his body against mine, and whispered in my ear, “You should just relax. There’s no point in struggling.”
He sat up and continued to remove his jeans and boxers. I knew they were down when I felt his lips on the back of my neck. As he leaned on my back, I could feel his erection pressing against the backs of my legs. It was the most disgusting thing I have ever felt in my life.
At this point, there was no way I could get out of here. He had me pinned down, and I was already exhausted from the struggle. I could feel tears brimming around my eyes, and no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t stop them from falling.
Bert’s hands grabbed my hips forcefully bringing me out of my thoughts. It was only a matter of seconds now... All of a sudden my body started shaking because of my crying. This man was going to take my virginity. The one thing I had kept for so long, just waiting for the right person, and this person was just going to take it from me. And there was nothing I could do to stop him.
One of his hands grabbed a handful of my hair and shoved my face into the seat. I tried desperately to get air, but I couldn’t. This man was going to kill me, and for what? This wasn’t how things were supposed to happen.
After what felt like hours, he yanked my head up, pulling hair out in the process. Once again he slammed my face into the seat. “Stop fucking crying, bitch.” Without warning, I felt him press into me. I had never felt pain so unbearable before in my life. “Don’t. Fucking. Scream.”
My hands gripped the edge of the seat as hard as possible. The pain intensified as he continued to press deeper inside of me. I just wanted it to end. A scream was building in my throat, but I knew if I screamed, he would never leave Gerard alone.
This is for Gerard. I would do anything for him, I said. Anything at all.
Bert let out a guttural moan, obviously enjoying himself. “God! You feel so good.” He pulled out of me once before slamming into me once more. My insides were on fire. I knew for a fact he was ripping me apart. Physically as well as emotionally. These were the wounds that would never heal.
Each thrust was more painful than the next. It seemed like this was never going to stop, and I was doomed to an eternity of this. This couldn’t be happening. This is just a dream, a terrible dream.
His body slammed into mine harder and faster each time. The pain was excruciating. I was sure my insides were going to fall out. As time went on, I could feel blood starting to run down my legs. Knowing that he was tearing me apart made me want to cry, but I knew I couldn’t. I just had to bear it. He couldn’t last much longer, right? He had to be almost done.
His hands were on my hips again, gripping them hard. Any harder and I was sure he would have broken my bones. “Fu-- Fuck!” He moaned, “You’re so--” The rest of the sentence was lost in a moan.
More blood. More pain. It was never ending.
Minutes turned to hours as he continued to rip me apart. The only sound in the small car was Bert’s heavy breathing and occasional moan. The fact that he was actually enjoying this was disgusting. He was worse than I ever could have imagined. I couldn’t believe Gerard would ever date someone like this.
One of Bert’s hands gripped my shoulder. His body shuddered against mine as he slammed into mine one last time and released inside of me. I was just glad it was over.
He collapsed onto my back, panting heavily. I felt him kiss the back of my neck, “You know, I could almost do that again.” He laughed that terrible laugh, and I felt my heart stop. He wouldn’t, would he? I couldn’t go through that again. “You’re a much better fuck than Gerard ever was. I can definitely see what he sees in you.”
As he spoke, he sat up and pulled his jeans and boxers back on. I stayed motionless on the seat. My whole body hurt, and I was extremely exhausted. The car door opened, and I realized Bert had climbed out. “Get the fuck out of my car.”
Slowly, I tried sitting up. The pain was excruciating, like nothing I had ever felt before in my life. Somehow, I managed to get my jeans back on and climbed out of the car. I glanced at the backseat of Bert’s car and felt like puking. There was blood everywhere. Bert just laughed before walking around the car and climbing in the drivers side. I stood there watching him as he drove away. He better stay away from Gerard, if not... I don’t know what I’ll do. He’s already taken everything from me.
As soon as he was gone, I collapsed on the ground, putting my head in my hands. This was not how things were supposed to happen. I never could have seen this coming. More than anything, I was disgusted with myself for letting it happen. Yes, it was to protect Gerard, but just the other day I was talking about how I was going to leave him and Mikey alone.
I needed my mom. I needed my best friend. And most of all, I needed Gerard.