Yes, it's an update! Sorry for never updating any more. I have my reasons. .____.
Someone was calling me, but it couldn't be Gerard. I was still crying over his dead body.
My hands found his face. It was as cold as ice, and his eyes were blank.
I gasped and bolted upright, breathing heavily and shakily.
"Are you alright?" Jayne asked.
"Nightmare," I gasped.
"It's okay, it was just a dream," she soothed.
"It was so real, and my mom was there and - and she killed me, and then everybody thought I killed myself, and Gerard killed himself, and I tried to stop him, but I was just a ghost!"
"It's alright, honey. You've been screaming your head off for the past twenty minutes, we couldn't wake you up. It was scary! You sounded like you were in agony," she said.
"I was. My mom, she tortured me before she killed me..."
"You screamed for Gerard about fifty times. He fell asleep in here last night, I came in and woke him up at about twelve. He seemed a bit reluctant to go home. Gave me his number and told me to call him if anything was wrong. He's really worried about you, you know. Why's he so worried? Why did he come running here at ten at night?"
"I was talking to him on the phone, and I let something slip... And he wanted to make sure I didn't do what I was thinking of, so he came and talked to me," I said, not wanting to tell her that I was about to commit suicide when he texted me.
"What? What were you going to do?" she asked.
"Nothing. I don't wanna talk about it," I said.
"You can talk to me when you're ready. Do you want some breakfast?"
Thinking of what that girl had said to me last night, I politely declined her offer. Maybe I wasn't so disgusting. But I could definitely lose weight. Instead, I asked her to show me where the bathroom was.
There were four bathrooms. One girls, one boys, one adults, one spare. It was early, 6:30 am, so nobody else was up. I took my hair dye and piercing kit to the bathroom with me. I ran my hair under the water, then towel dried it till it was damp. I tied my hair back, leaving out the parts I wanted to dye. One strand on my left side, and my bangs. As my bangs were red, and the strand was black, I needed to bleach them. I mixed the bleach in a mixing bowl that came with the kit, and applied it as evenly as I could to my hair. I let it sit for fifteen minutes, then washed it off. My hair was dirty blonde, so I tried again, too impatient to wait a day or two. This time I applied more bleach, and the result was what I wanted. My hair was white, and it looked awesome. I held the blue dye in my hand, wondering if I should apply it after all. I decided to leave the white in, so my hair could replace before I put more chemicals in it. And it looked cool, anyway. I stepped in the shower, applying plenty of conditioner that Jayne had set out for me to my bleached hair. When I got out, nearly an hour had passed since I had started on my hair. I dressed quickly, then opened the piercing kit, a feeling of fear and excitement boiling up in my gut. I cleaned my lip, and got the jewellery ready. I took the clamp, and pulled my lip out with it, lining the needle up with the dot I had drawn on my skin, marking where I wanted the piercing. I pushed the needle through, and to be honest, it didn't hurt that much. A quick sharp pain, and the needle was through. I fed the jewellery through, then screwed the ball on the front, dropping it several times before I was successful. I stared at my reflection. I looked different. Black and white hair, and a lip piercing. I looked kind of fearless. I looked like... Like me. I was expressing myself, pretending to be unafraid, although I was absolutely terrified of the world. Maybe now, I could feel a little more confident. Or at least act it. Maybe, just maybe, people wouldn't bully me. Or maybe not.
I applied my make up, trying not to get any foundation on the fresh piercing. I put on a lot of eyeliner, smudging it all around my eyes. I messed up my hair a little, tired of the way it lay flat. I had always wanted wild curly hair, that couldn't be tamed.
I stared at my reflection, trying to look happy. My smile was unconvincing, my black rimmed eyes sad. Confident? Sad eyes and half smiles don't come across as confident. Uncaring? Easy. My mouth a straight line, dead eyes, I could easily pull of the 'I don't care' look. But how easy would it be? How easy would it be to simply 'not care'? How could I not care when someone calls me fat? Ugly? Stupid? A freak?
I cleaned up all my stuff, throwing away the rubbish. When I got back to my room I flipped open my phone, only to find that it was dead. I plugged in the charger, and went downstairs, a little bit worried of how Jayne would react to my lip piercing. She was in the kitchen, reading the newspaper and sipping coffee. When I walked in, she looked up, and her expression changed. It went from welcoming to worried to confused to disapproving, then squashed them all into one.
"What... Lip... Hair!" she stuttered.
"Are you angry?" I asked, biting my lip.
She shook her head. "How did you get a lip piercing? I hope you didn't do it yourself!"
"I already had one, but I took it out. I haven't worn it for a while, so it'll swell up a bit," I lied.
"And your hair, it looks really good!" she said.
"Thanks!" I said, welcoming the compliment.
"Oh, you're starting school on Monday, you need to be ready to leave at 8:20 am. Early start, eh?"
"Oh... I forgot about that. Which school is it?" I asked, sitting down at the table.
"Belleville High. Starts at nine am, about twenty minutes away from here. So you're there about twenty minutes before school starts," she said, turning a page in her newspaper.
"B- B - Belleville High?" I spluttered.
"Is there a problem?" she asked.
I shook my head. "I'm just gonna go... Uhm... Put some posters up in my room..." I said, awkwardly walking out of the kitchen. Belleville High? That's Gerard and Mikey's old school.
I sprinted up the stairs and into my room, diving for the bed and snatching my phone of the bedside table. There was a new text from Jason, and a flutter of excitement went through me.
I miss you too, I'm getting out today, do you wanna meet up somewhere? The mall or something? :)
I typed my reply as fast as I could, my fingers flying over the keys.
Yeah, that would be great! Where do you wanna meet?
We arranged to meet at the mall at twelve thirty, in the food court. I looked at the time. It was nine am now, so I had three hours to kill. My shopping bags were waiting, posters inside. So I got to work. I stuck my four big MCR ones right in the centre of the sterile white walls, so they were the main focus. My Green Day ones went beside them, and Nirvana in the corner. The Misfits in the space between Green Day and Nirvana, Bullet for My Valentine in the upper left corner, Iron Maiden underneath. I squeezed my Blink 182 one in beside a poster of MCR, dressed in their Black Parade gear. The Four Year strong poster was kinda small, so I was able to fit it in the space above Blink. The All American Rejects and Linkin Park fit comfortably in the lower left corner of the wall. I stepped back, admiring my work. There were a few white patches coming through, but magazine cuttings could fix that. It had taken a full hour and fifteen minutes to put my posters up, so I only had two hours and fifteen minutes until I was meeting Jason. My room still didn't seem like it could be mine, with my small amount of possessions. A sketch pad on the bedside table, my iPod and phone, a bottle of perfume, a few books, a guitar in the corner and two pairs of jeans, four T Shirts and three hoodies in the wardrobe. All my other possessions were still in my mom's house, assuming she hasn't thrown them out. I went downstairs to find Jayne. She wasn't in the kitchen. Or her office. She was in the games room, telling two kids who's names I didn't know to turn the volume down.
"-far too loud, you're gonna deafen yourselves!" she scolded.
"Geez, calm it, Jayne," one of them said.
"Keep it down!" she said. "Oh, hey Isabelle. Were you looking for something?"
"Yes, actually, can I ask you something?"
"Ask away!" she smiled.
"Well, it's just that all my stuff is at my mom's house, and I'd kinda like it back," I said.
"I'm sure I can sort that out for you, you'll probably have your stuff by next week," she said sweetly.
"But I don't have enough clothes to last until next week."
"I suppose I could take you. Do you have a key?"
"No," I shook my head. "I didn't see the point in bringing it."
"Okay. Look, Isabelle, can you please tell me what happened that you ended up here?"
I sighed and nodded in defeat.
"We can go into my office," she said, walking past me. I followed her into the office and sat down.
"What happened?" she asked.
"Pretty much a typical story. I was abused by my mother, ran away from home. Then I was in the park, and I had a bit of an accident, and nearly bled to death, and Gerard was walking past and called an ambulance. Got out of hospital, reported my mom to the police, and bam here I am," I said, leaving out the part about how my 'accident' wasn't accidental at all. "And Gerard is the singer of my favourite band, and his brother Mikey is the bassist."
"Oh... Well that clears things up a little. I have to say, I was expecting a longer story."
"That's the main thing. There's been other little things, but my mom abusing me is the main story," I said.
She nodded. "At least your away from her now."
One hour and thirty minutes later I was on the bus, going to the mall to meet up with Jason. The bus was surprisingly empty, and I sat at the back. Sitting alone on a bus with nothing to do gave me time to think. Unnecessary time. I had so been busy all that morning, dying my hair, piercing my lip, putting up my posters, worrying about how other people would feel about me, that I pushed away all thoughts that I had about how I felt. I felt sad and empty, like usual. But now, sitting on the bus on my way to meet Jason, there was a new feeling. Butterflies, nervousness, excitement and happiness all mixed into one. What's this feeling?
Brendon Urie was singing in my earphones, about raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses and sleeping with roaches. For the first time, I wasn't paying any attention to the music. My thoughts were elsewhere, so far away that Brendon Urie couldn't call me back. My lip piercing was starting to throb a little, nothing majorly painful. It felt weird seeing white brushing over the top of your eye, rather than red. When the bus approached the mall I stood up and made my way to the front, holding onto the rails to stop myself from falling.
"Thank you," I said to the bus driver, as he stopped the bus outside the mall.
"Your welcome," he said cheerily, and a little surprised, that I had thanked him. Why do people never thank the bus driver?
The air was chilly, and it nipped at my nose and ears, making them turn red. My iPod said that it was 12:24. I was on time. The mall's automatic doors slid open, welcoming me with a sudden wave of heat. Checking my hair in the reflection of the glass in the display windows, I went towards the food court. After I had scanned the food court for a good ten minutes, I sat down at a secluded table, and waited. Time passed. 12:35, he should be arriving soon, five minutes difference isn't exactly life changing. 12:45, he's only fifteen minutes late. 12:55, he's still not here, but there's a little kid screaming his head off and giving me a headache. Better turn up my music. 13:05, I started to think he wasn't going to show up. 13:15, he's not coming, is he? He doesn't want to see me. I felt my insides go cold. He doesn't want to come see me. 13:25, I was getting ready to leave, blasting Bullet for my Valentine in my ears, when I felt arms wrap around me from behind. All the disappointment, all the frustration, all the bad things disappeared. I pulled my earphones out and turned to face him. His eyes. Oh his eyes, they made me melt inside.
"Hey," I said shyly.
"Hi," he replied. "Nice hair! And your piercings really cute."
I blushed and looked down. "Thanks..."
"God, move the fuck on!" I yelled at the driver in front of me. The lights changed, and he sped away into the distance, as I turned to the left.
"I'm so late, what if she's left?" I murmured, running a hand through my hair. My mom had made me eat something then sleep, and didn't wake me up until one o'clock. I pulled into the parking lot, parked my car quickly and unevenly, then jumped out and ran towards the entrance. I walked into the food court and stood there awkwardly for a minute, looking for Naren. She was sitting on her own in the corner, and I could see her reflection in the window. She was staring at the table, and she looked so sad, disappointed, upset. Like she needed a hug. I walked over to her and said her name, but she didn't hear me. I could hear Bullet for my Valentine playing, and I knew that at the moment she was deaf to the world, except for the screams of BFMV. I gave up on talking, and put my arms around her, nestling my head into her neck. She was so skinny, it kind of frightened me a bit, but that didn't stop me from wanting to hold her, and never ever let go. She turned around and looked at me.
"Hey," she said, in her beautiful voice. The voice that I wanted to hear all day, every day.
"Hi... Nice hair! And your piercing's really cute," I said. You're piercing's cute? Call that a compliment?
"Thanks..." she said, blushing and looking down.
God, she's so damn cute!
"You okay?" he asked, pulling out a chair and sitting beside me.
"Yeah," I said, forcing on a smile. I was so happy, so ecstatic to see him, but it was still hard to smile.
"How's your arm?" he asked, glancing at my black and red clad sleeve.
"Fine, it's healing nicely," I said. "How's your... Stab wound?"
He laughed. "Fit as ever!"
"Glad to here it," I said, smiling.
"You never told me what happened to your arm," he said, although I think he had a fair idea of what happened.
"I'll tell you later," I dismissed. "What do you want to do?"
"I never actually thought of what we were going to do... I just though of... You...." he said, looking through his gorgeous blonde and red hair.
I smiled and blushed furiously. "We could just... Walk around?" I suggested.
"Walking around sounds fun," he agreed, grinning.
We stood up and left the food court. I tucked my iPod safely in my pocket, so I wouldn't fall out. I made to stuff my hands in my pockets, but a bigger pair gently took my arm out and took my hand. I blushed and looked at Jason's hands intertwined with mine. We strolled aimlessly around the food court, keeping a conversation flowing at all times.
"Jason?" I asked, looking up at him.
"You never told me... What age are you?" I asked. He was much taller than me, and when he arrived he had been holding a set of jingling car keys.
"Seventeen in January," he said.
"Your over a year older than me..."
"Do you mind? Because I could... Leave... If you felt uncomfortable..." he said, his voice rich with disappointment.
"No!" I protested, suddenly terrified at the thought of him leaving. "Please don't."
"I won't," he said, smiling. "You know, there's a really nice park we could go to. And there's this little river, behind all the trees, no one ever goes there. You wanna see it?"
I nodded and grinned.
"My car's this way."
His car was an old red Astra, with a broken seatbelt in the back, and it wasn't exactly spotlessly clean. But I didn't mind. It was warm inside, and Four Year Strong was playing quietly. The drive was less than five minutes.
"This is it," he said, smiling.
"It's really pretty,"
He led me along a narrow path, and soon enough running water could be heard. It got louder, until we reached the end of the path, and then there it was. I was standing in front of a cluster of trees, which stopped abruptly where I stood, but for a few beside the river. On the other side of the river there were more trees, grouped like the ones on this side. The river itself was beautiful. Clear, sparkling blue, the occasional fish darting past.
"It's beautiful," I breathed.
"Yeah," he agreed.
We sat down against a tree, looking over at the water.
"You gonna tell me what happened to your arm or or...."
I sighed. "Self harm."
There was an awkward silence, neither me nor him knowing what to say.
"Please... Please try to stop," he finally said.
"Promise you'll talk to me if your ever upset?"
"Pinky promise," I said, holding out my pinky.
But he didn't take my pinky, like I had meant him to. He grabbed my arm and pulled my towards me. I shrieked in surprise, and fell across his legs.
"Uhh... Hi," I said.
Blood rushed to my face, I was probably the colour of LynZ's lipstick! I rolled off him and lay on the ground, looking up to the sky. Jason did the same, lying next to me. After a while he sat up.
"When did you get that piercing?" he asked, moving on top of me.
"This morning, I did it myself," I said, my face feeling hot. What on earth was he doing, on top of me?
"Did it hurt?" he asked, leaning a little bit closer to me.
I shook my head.
"Does it hurt now?" his face was inches away from mine now, and my breath was catching in my throat.
I shook my head.
"I wonder if it would hurt if I did this..." he said, looking at me directly in the eyes, making me lose myself in a sea of chocolate brown.
"If you did what?" I breathed.
He smiled, and leaned in, and... Kissed me. He kissed me full on the lips, gently at first. It was strange, feeling another pair of lips on your own. I had never been kissed before, it was new. My lips burned, my eyes were closed, and blood was roaring inside my head. But he didn't break away after just a few seconds, neither did I. He kissed me more intensely, and meaningfully. I felt dizzy, I was struggling to breathe. Well, of course I couldn't breath, there was another pair of lips blocking my own. My arms instinctively went up around his neck, and his wrapped around my waist and lifted me up. I was sitting in front of him now, and my head was tilted upwards, his down. He ran his fingers through my hair, and I did the same with his. I felt a sudden pain in my lip, and jumped back, with a gasp. We were breathing heavily, and I felt dizzy.
"What's wrong?" he gasped.
"Piercing," I replied, pointing to my lip stud.
I shook my head. My head was still spinning, my face felt hot, and I was in shock. "You kissed me..."
"I'm sorry, did I freak you out?"
I shook my head again. "Just a little."
"That wasn't... That wasn't your first kiss, was it?"
I nodded and blushed furiously. Haven't most fifteen year olds lost their virginity?
"I'm sorry, I didn't realise... I must have really made you panic, I'm sorry..." he said, running a hand through his gorgeous hair.
"Don't apologise! It was... Nice," I said. Nice? More like supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
"You're so beautiful..."
"No I'm not," I said, looking down.
"Yes you are! You have gorgeous hair, gorgeous eyes, gorgeous lips, a gorgeous little button nose, and a gorgeous body too!" he said. "Not that I'm after your body!" he added, seeing my slightly worried expression.
"Whatever," I said.
"Don't 'whatever' me! You are pretty!"
"Okay," I sighed in defeat.
"Argument settled," he declared, in a deep booming voice.
"Yes, your honour, whatever you say, your honour," I said, saluting and rolling my eyes.
He laughed, and smiled at me. I tried to stop myself, but I couldn't. I curled up into him, resting my head on his lap. We didn't say much. He sat, stroking my hair and gazing absentmindedly into the distance. My eyes were on the lake. If you looked carefully enough, you could see some fish darting in and out of the rocks. I didn't know what type of fish they were, they moved to fast for me to see anything but a flash of colour and an outline. Besides, I didn't know anything about fish anyway. The sun started to set, and the air got even colder. My hoodie wasn't enough to keep me warm, my arms and legs felt frozen, my cheeks being nipped by Jack Frost.
"You cold?" he asked.
"Yeah," I yawned.
"I've been up since 6:30..."
"Why the hell were you up at that time?" he asked, his eyes popping as if it were the most astounding thing that had ever happened to anyone.
"I had a nightmare, screamed the house down, and I didn't see the point in going back to sleep," I said.
"I would've told that nightmare to fuck off, no one deprives me of my sleep!" he exclaimed.
I laughed, a shaky, shivery laugh as the cold flooded through me.
"I'll put the heating on in the car. Let's go," he said, standing up and holding out his hand to help me up.
I took it and pulled myself up, nearly dragging him down. He wrapped an arm around me as we walked. I felt all weird again, and my cheeks turned tomato red. When we got to the old red Astra, I tugged on the stiff handle, nearly falling over when the door actually opened. The car was low, so I stooped to get in. When we were both seated in the car, Jason turned the heating on.
"So where do you live? What street?" he asked me, flipping through a case of CDs.
Shit. I didn't know the name of the street.
"Can I tell you something?"
"Uhm, sure," he said, a little confused.
"I just moved to a foster home, my name isn't Naren it's actually Isabelle and I ran away from home and didn't want my mom to find me so that's why I lied about my name, I'm sorry," I gushed.
"Well... Okay, Isabelle. Pretty name! I don't think I'll be able to get used to it, though," he said.
I bit my lip and remained in silence.
"Foster home then? Aren't those places like a living hell?"
"So far, anyway," I nodded.
"Do you know what street it's on?"
I shook my head.
"That's good," he sighed, sarcastically. "I'll drop you off at a bus stop and wait with you, until the bus leaves."
He drove me to the bus stop, and like he said, waited with me. We sat huddled under the shelter together, and he kissed my cheek! More than once! When the bus arrived, I stood up and hugged him goodbye.
"See you soon, hopefully," I said.
"Hmm... Okay. I suppose your my girlfriend now then?" he smirked.
I blushed. I HAVE A BOYFRIEND WHOAH.
"Well I suppose I am."