Episode 054: Dollars! Legendary Temper Tantrums
Episode 054: Dollars! Legendary Temper Tantrums
"Xellos!" Filia, now clad in a knee length skirt, a halter top with a jacket that matched the skirt over it, and a new pair of boots, yelled at the purple haired hologram walking beside her. "I told you to stop ruining my chances to get a job!"
Xellos grinned in amusement. He got nutrients from the negative emotional energy absorbed by the Great Beast and the target had to be within the vessel for it to work, so angering Filia now wouldn't provide him with any energy, but it was still fun. "You told me to stop saying things that embarrassed you and I stopped. I was perfectly quiet the last time you went into a business to ask if they would hire you."
"But you kept making weird faces at me!" Filia accused. "No one is going to hire me if they think I hang around crazy people all the time." For a moment she had to pause and think about how true that might be after all. "You want me to earn money, don't you? May I remind you that it would be useful to Beast Master if I did."
"Oh yes, yes, yes," Xellos smiled. "I guess I've had enough fun for now. I'll leave you alone to your job hunting and go do some business of my own." Just like that he was gone; he disappeared from beside her in the middle of the crowded streets.
A few passers stopped to stare, but soon went on their way, running their fingers over the little machines they held. Filia let out a breath. Perhaps strange things were not that unusual for the people of this city or this didn't qualify as strange enough to be acknowledged by their standards. She was suspicious about Xellos going off on his own, but if he was plotting something, he would find a way to do it even if she did follow him. Besides, following him would be difficult since he could project himself anywhere in range of the Great Beast and she was sure that included quite a wide area.
Thus Filia decided to focus on continuing her job hunt. She walked by a place that looked like some kind of restaurant with a big help wanted ad on a sign in front of it. Hopeful, she entered the establishment. By then the sun had sunk in the horizon in a similar fashion to how it did in her world of origin and people were starting to gather in the business. Upon further inspection of the interior of the establishment, Filia concluded that it was actually a bar. She took a moment to observe the tables, the long counter lined with stools and the multitude of bottles on the shelves on the wall behind it. Then she turned around to leave, having no interest in working at a bar. It simply wasn't her style.
However, before Filia could leave, a group of men started calling out to her from one of the tables, asking her to join them. Appalled at being called a 'hot cutie-pie' Filia stormed over to them with a look of pure fury in her eyes. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves! I demand an apology!"
The men, who didn't realize in what danger they were, since they were humans, as were the vast majority of the inhabitants of that planet, and Filia was a very strong cyborg, only laughed. "Aw, you heard that boys? She wants us to apologize." The leader of the bunch laughed heartily, with his lackeys following his example. "Sure, honey, let's kiss and make up." He made kissing noises at her.
The man's actions only angered Filia, who grabbed him by the shirt, easily lifting him and threw him out across the street to crash into the window of the building on the other side. She looked back at the other two men who sat in shock, jaws slack. "He... Hewa... Hewajima?" One of them muttered in fright.
"Run!" The other cried out and he, as well as several other customers that were seemingly unrelated to the incident ran out of the bar.
Filia didn't mean to cause such an uproar, but she was too caught up in her hissy-fit to care. 'What's a Hewajima supposed to be anyway?' She mused.
"Alright, alright, I'll pay!" The bar's manager stepped forward. "Don't trash the place, Hewajima, I'll go get the money!" He dashed into the backroom and returned with a briefcase. "Here's the money, just call him off! I mean her..."
"Well, that was easy..." Filia turned to look at the one who spoke, a man with dreadlock hair, wearing in a suit stood at the entrance to the bar receiving the briefcase. "Just so you know, the lady doesn't' actually work for me."
A blond man in a bartender suit, stood just outside, watching the scene play out quietly. "Huh?" The bar manager blinked. "I thought that Hewajima was dressing up as a woman for some unknown reason. I mean, who else is that strong around here?"
"I'd never do that!" Shizuo barked, which caused the manager to cower in fear.
Shizuo and Filia exchanged curious looks before simultaneously declaring, "we've never met before."
"This is strange, but the timing is perfect, let's talk business." The man in the suit led Filia over to a table. "I'm Tom Tanaka and I would like to offer you a temporary job, miss...?"
"Filia," she supplied.
"Tom, you don't mean..." Shizuo half asked.
"You've been wanting to take a vacation overseas and who am I to hold you back?" Tom reasoned. "I just said I needed a proper stand-in until you returned and if this lady was mistaken for you-"
"Unreasonably," Shizuo inserted.
"My point is that she must be strong. You were the one who sent that guy flying across the street, weren't you? Would you like to work as my bodyguard for a while? I'm a debt collector you see, and people sometimes like to take out their frustrations on me, but it's much safer with my good friend Shizuo around," Tom explained.
"A bodyguard... I was looking for a job. Alright, I'll do it!" Filia agreed.
"Great, we're just about done with work for today. Shizuo, can you give her a few pointers?" Tom asked. "It's a very simple job but it wouldn't hurt to get a basic rundown. Get her a suit like yours too; it seems to have an effect on people, since they associate it with you. You can charge the suit to my card," Tom passed over a credit card to Shizuo. "I think I can trust you with that, well then, I'll leave preparing your replacement to you. See you tomorrow."
"Later Tom," Shizuo had a curiosity he needed to address. "If you don't mind me asking this, Filia, what is the source of your strength?"
"I'm a dragon..." Filia revealed before she caught herself and corrected it, "I mean cybord!"
"That explains a lot," Shizuo voiced. "Well let's get you that suit Tom suggested and then I'll tell you all about how a normal work day goes."
xoxox xox xoxox
A few hours later, Lina and Gourry spotted Amelia and Zelgadis eating in a fast food restaurant and join them. "Food!" They begged.
"Miss Lina, Mr. Gourry, don't tell me you spent the whole day asking questions at that shop instead of getting a job!" Amelia scolded them.
"But the motorcycles were so cool!" Lina whined. "Besides, we got to hear all sorts of stories about some legendary headless rider that drives around the city!"
"I didn't really understand any of the explanations, but they really did look cool," Gourry joined in. "And we even got to join a secret color gang called the Dollars!"
"Yeah, it's a good gang that has transparent as their color," Lina proudly elaborated. "You guys should join too! You don't even have to do anything and you get to feel totally cool!"
Amelia sighed and shook her head. "I suppose we can't leave you to starve, it would be cruel. But please try to make up for it tomorrow."
"Don't forget we're on a tight budget. Plus our pay may go down even more when we convert it from local currency to universal." Zelgadis reminded. "I know you'll both really like this," he paused to recall the correct full name of the dish. "Double bacon extra cheesy ultra beefy burger deluxe," Zelgadis recited the product's name, "but try not to eat more than three or four of them."
"But Zel, you've already had five," Amelia pointed out.
"That's my point! These things are addictive!" Zelgadis took another big bite of his food.
"Well the food certainly smells good," Lina reached for a fry, but Amelia snatched it away. "Miss Lina, these are my mega cheese filled ultra jumbo fries deluxe!"
"Oh come on, I thought you were sharing your food with me!" Lina complained.
"And me!" Gourry added.
"Look, there's Lina Inverse now." A familiar voice was heard from across the restaurant along with approaching footsteps.
"So this is the Lina Inverse who is so well known in the other world." A young man curiously stared at her. "You're exactly as Xellos described."
Lina raised a suspicious eyebrow. "Just who is this guy and what did you tell him, Xellos? And what's with that purple fur?" Upon closer inspection, she noticed that Xellos and the unknown man were dressed very similarly in style, save for the fur details of Xellos' clothes being purple.
"It's stylish!" Xellos defended.
"I'm Izaya, an information broker, currently engaged in a very interesting information trade with Xellos." The young man introduced himself with a sly grin.
Lina glared at Izaya suspiciously. "I don't trust you; you're too much like Xellos."
Izaya chuckled, "a sharp one, eh? But what I really want to see is a legendary temper tantrum." Surely a conflict of the proportions that Xellos described would be enough to awaken the head of the valkyrie.
"Xellos, just what in the world have you been telling him?" Lina snapped, standing from her chair and pulling Xellos in a headlock.
"My nuggets!" Amelia suddenly exclaimed. "My super bacon filled mega beefy ultra nuggets deluxe! Mr. Gourry, please refrain from stealing my food!"
"But I'm hungry," Gourry whined, giving Amelia the sad kitten eyes.
The sad stare was working, as the Seyruun princess began to feel guilty. "Oh... I'm sorry. All this delicious food is turning me into a greedy monster. Please, have the rest of my fries and nuggets."
"Thanks, Amelia!" Gourry was about to happily eat the food he was given, but he was interrupted.
"What?" Lina shouted as she released Xellos and pounced on Gourry, knocking him to the floor and keeping him down. "What about me?"
"I'll share with you too..." Amelia smiled nervously. This was bad, now Lina would get addicted to the super delicious food and they would be broke. They would have to eat and run, so much for making an honest living.
Before Amelia even had time to finish speaking those words, Lina was already stuffing her face. "More, I want more of this delicious food!"
"We better not let her try the frappes," Zelgadis whispered to Amelia, who nodded frantically. She didn't like the wild look in Lina's eyes.
"Looks like there are some wild people in your world, Xellos." Izaya commented to his newfound best friend.
"Oh yes, wait till you meet Filia," Xellos cheerfully shared his own version of Filia's description, which was, according to him accurate, but would be, according to her, offensive enough for him to be chased away with murderous intent.
Just as Xellos spoke, two more people entered the restaurant. "Tom won't mind if we get a bite on his account. I'll just say we got hungry and we weren't done discussing the job specifics." Shizuo voiced as he arrived with Filia.
"Filia is a golden dragon, you know what I told you about them and their obsession with pretending to be perfect and peaceful and all that junk right?" Xellos continued his story. "Well she's the most hypocritical of the golden dragons. She's a complete and total sadist who blows her temper over every little thing. She's got this nasty habit of chasing me around and trying to kill me." Xellos chuckled with mischievous amusement. "It's lots of fun and totally hilarious!"
Filia heard the whole thing and was fuming with anger. By now she was dressed in her new bartender suit and looked like a female version of Shizuo, who was enraged by the mere sight of Izaya. Both of the bartender suit clad blonds reached for nearby tables, lifting them with ease.
The raging blond furies threw the tables at their respective targets, who dodged the hits with great agility. It wasn't really necessary in Xellos' case, since he was a hologram, but he liked to show off anyway. The pursuit was only getting started as Izaya and Xellos dashed across the restaurant with Shizuo and Filia throwing tables and chairs at them. They hurried outside, followed by a curious Lina and Gourry who had already devoured all the food that Amelia and Zelgadis had bought to take to the Great Beast and save for later inside that super advanced refrigerator that could preserve food almost indefinitely.
Vending machines were picked up from the streets and hurled at the trickster duo as Izaya and Xellos ran away, seemingly enjoying the chase. Shizuo and Filia were hot on their trail, throwing parked cars and, much to Lina's dismay, motorcycles at them, which she thought was a great waste. A motorcycle without headlights zoomed down the street, then the screeching of tires was heard and the same vehicle returned, moving backwards. The rider, a person wearing black clothes and a yellow cat eared helmet, stopped to witness the occurrence taking place.
Three others, two boys and one girl, stopped nearby, excitedly watching the scene unfold. "Shizuo got Rule 63!" The girl, who answered to the name of Erika, pointed excitedly.
"Why does Izaya's Rule 63 have purple hair?" Walker, a boy with a sleepy expression, asked.
"Maybe it's a Rule 34!" Erika exclaimed.
The other boy, Kyohei, gave her an odd look. "How does purple hair turn a Rule 63 into a Rule 34?" He reluctantly inquired.
There was a long silent pause between them, until Erika finally replied with a serious tone and a smiling face that didn't quite fit her sudden change in tone of voice. "You don't want to know."
The chase of Filia, Shizuo, Xellos and Izaya continued through the city. Shizuo uprooted a lamp post and Filia was quick to follow his example. She pulled another lamp post out of the concrete covered ground and started swinging it at Xellos as if it was her mace.
"They're tearing the city apart!" Amelia exclaimed in alarm.
"What if they bill us for the damages?" Zelgadis pointed out.
"Zelas sent us here to earn money; she's going to be mad if we only earn debts!" Lina exclaimed.
"What if she locks us out of the kitchen?" Gourry worried.
"We have to stop them!" Lina rushed after Filia and Xellos, with Gourry, Amelia and Zelgadis joining her in the pursuit.
The chase went on through the city, eventually making Lina lose her patience. "That's it, time to put our weapons to good use!" Out of her new cape, which was one of Kain's capes, Lina pulled out a psy-gun. It didn't have power like the weapons of light; instead it only served to channel the user's own psy-energy. However, it was, if given to the right person, much more powerful than a regular laser gun could be. Because of her quick temper and abundant energy, this type of weapon was given to Lina, who shot a succession of rapid fire at the hunters and hunted alike.
"Be careful, you'll hurt them!" Amelia cautioned.
"What are we supposed to do? Make that highway road maze thing collapse to stop them?" Lina sarcastically declared. "That's a great idea! Let's destroy the highway, then they'll have nowhere to run!"
"Okay!" Gourry rushed off to follow through with the plan, actually thinking that Lina's sarcastic remark was serious. He dashed between the cars that screeched to a halt, some on time and others colliding with the vehicles in front of them in a massive highway chain of accidents. Gourry welded his psy-sword, which was the most powerful of the psy-weapons the group had at their disposal, as the hilt was made from the leftover material from Lina's broken brass racket. He began to destroy the columns that held up the highway bridges, making the foundation of the road maze shake and begin to collapse.
Lina could only stand there in open mouthed shock. "He just had to take that seriously..." She slapped her forehead in frustration.
"Gourry, stop it!" Zelgadis shouted.
"I'm trying to stop them!" Gourry called back. "How about giving me a hand with the column on the other side? You can use your armor's power!"
"That's it, I'm going in there!" Amelia put on her psy-energy gloves, which made her pacifist crush and other martial arts techniques super strong.
"What are you going to do?" Zelgadis urgently asked.
"I don't know!" Amelia replied all too cheerfully. "But everyone has had the chance to try out their new weapons of justice and I want to try mine too!"
Filia remembered that she could still fly as a cyborg. Though sadly the back of her bartender suit was ripped by her jetpack, she flew past Shizuo, knocked a surprised Izaya out of the way and grabbed Xellos who simply disappeared. "Xellos!" Filia screamed in fury. "Come back here Xellos!" She shot lasers in anger, making a bigger mess of the already demolished highway system. If she was still a dragon, she would be transformed and stomping around. "You went back to the Great Beast, didn't you? Xellos!" She hurried away towards the space port.
"Stop in the name of the law!" An officer yelled from a helicopter flying overhead.
"A flying, spinning machine?" Amelia looked at it with curiosity.
"Never mind that weird thing, Xellos has gone back to the ship and Filia is heading there too. We have cops on our tails; it's time to get off this planet!" Zelgadis urged. "Even the locals decided it was a good time to disappear." He noted that Xellos' new friend and the guy in the bartender suit were nowhere to be found, likely having retreated when the police arrived.
"What are we waiting for? Let's get out of here, I had enough of cops trying to arrest me with that Wizer incident a while back" Lina certainly didn't want to repeat that experience. "Hey Gourry, we're leaving, so get over here now!"
xoxox xox xoxox
Thus Lina, Gourry, Amelia and Zelgadis retreated to the space port where Filia was searching for Xellos' whereabouts all over the Great Beast yelling, "you can't hide forever!" Though he could indeed choose not to project himself for an indefinite period of time, leaving his data to reside only inside the Great Beast's computer systems.
"Zelas, the cops are coming!" Lina yelled as she rushed into the control chamber, followed by Gourry, Amelia and Zelgadis.
"I noticed," Zelas smiled calmly and began to take off.
"Great Beast, you do not have permission for take off, there are fugitives of the law on board!" An urgent voice ordered from the radio transmission.
"Shut up," Zelas blocked the communication link and forced her way out of the space port, hurrying towards the openness of the atmosphere in outer space. Several space patrol ships rushed towards her, but they wouldn't be enough to match the speed of a lost ship. Zelas was confident that she could easily lose her pursuers with a light speed jump and she knew just what coordinates to enter. "Hold on to something, we're jumping to light speed!"
To be Continued
Episode 054 is a crossover with DRRR!! That's where Shizuo, Izaya, Tom, Erika, Walker and Kyohei are from. Rule 63 states that for every character there is a version of that character of the opposite gender. Rule 34 says that if it exists, there is hentai of it. The DRRR!! crossover was inspired by our chats at the Beloved Enemy forums were someone pointed out that Filia and Xellos are similar to Shizuo and Izaya.