"The beatings were regular and my mother would try to help but just got a slap for it I remember when I got this..." I lifted my hair from my face and revealed a scar on my head "...He was attacking my mother and I tried to stop him so he smashed a whiskey bottle across my face..." Gerard had balled his hands into fists, his knuckles turning white he still didnt speak though and it was worrying me "Are...are you sure you want to hear the rest?" He uncurled his fingers and took my hand nodding as he did so
"Ok...When I was 14 I found out something awful...I..my mother was whoring herself out to feed my fathers habit. He was a dirty filthy drunk. His 'Friends' would come over and sleep with her they would give him the money..." A tear rolled down Gerards cheek, I understood why. His mom had been in a similair situation, I guess I had become numb to it "...One afternoon I came in from school and his friends were there. I went straight to my room. I hated what was happening to my mother and I wanted no part in it but a guy he knew had taken a shine to me and he...he..." I shook my head trying to rid my mind of any bad thoughts but it was too late the memories I had buried were there and I had to finish "He paid my father for me to...do things at first it was just hand jobs then he made me give him...he made me suck his..."
Gerard nodded to show he understood. "The day I ran away the same guy had tried to pull my pants down he was going to rape me Gerard. I was so scared but my father didn't care I remember thinking that he never cared about me and how could he allow this to happen to his family...the guy flipped me over so he could grab at my belt and I managed to kick at him catching his mouth. He said 'I like a bit of a fighter' and I realised he had done this before thats when I blacked out. The next thing I knew my mother was screaming and the guy was laying unconsious on the floor, my hand was covered in blood he was still breathing but fear took over I kissed my mother and ran down the stairs, I grabbed my fathers wallet from the table and ran. I just kept running somehow I ended up on the other side of Jersey but I knew I could never go back, I had to do things for money things I'm not proud of but everytime I had to protect myself the blackness would come and I'd hurt someone. I turn into a monster. Please dont hate me Gerard.."
We sat in silence for what seemed like hours but it was really only seconds, maybe a minute or two but I held my breath the whole time. I felt sick. I told him my darkest secrets and he couldnt even speak to me. I turned to get off the bed but he gripped my arm "Where are you going?"
"Out. I cant stand you silently judging me.."
"What?? No Frankie I was just so shocked, I can't believe that any of that could happen to you..."
"Are you kidding?? What happened to you was much worse..." he shook his head as me and pulled me back onto the bed
"Frankie your father used you as a punching bag and he allowed someone to violate you. I feel so sick I want to fucking kill him..."
"One day maybe..." he grabbed the back of my neck and glared into my eyes
"Frankie look at me...Does it look like I'm saying maybe?.." I shook my head "He will fucking die for what he did to you!" I pulled away and curled up into a ball and yawned "Go to sleep Frankie..." he kissed my head and stood up, I spun my head round and looked at him pleadingly
"Dont leave me Gerard...stay with me" he smiled and lay back down. I felt so safe with him although I was still terrified of him. I couldnt explain it. Gerard lay on his back and pulled the blanket over us, I curled up beside him and lay my head on his chest. My eyes began to droop
"Gerard what time is it?" he looked at his phone before throwing it on the floor
"Its almost 1am..." I yawned again and snuggled down onto his chest
"Goodnight...Gee.." I felt him chuckle lightly at the nickname and he began stroking my hair softly
"Goodnight Frankie...." I had just closed my eyes and began to let sleep take hold when "Frankie..."