Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Always
The story I want to tell requires a prologue for readers to be able to understand the context, so I've given a summarized background here. The real story starts after this.
Severus and Lily met as kids, they fell into a childish love way back then. They went to school and grew apart, and Lily was assimilated into the Marauders while Severus was drawn deeper into Slytherin society. James always saw the connection that Lily and Severus had, and his cruelty towards Severus was in no small part because he felt a need to defend his territory. Lily and Severus occasionally flirted, and as their feelings were able to become more complex their flirting became more serious. Lily and James were assumed to be an item starting in their Second year, but Lily never made that official until Fifth year. She never stopped loving Severus, but I think she also fell in love with James. That's what she does, isn't it? Sees the best in all of us? And certainly there was plenty to be seen in James. In her Sixth year James was starting to pressure her for sex. Not the uncomfortable "have sex with me or else" kind of pressure, but the "I love you and I'm ready... but you're hesitating. Why are you hesitating?" kind of pressure. She was hesitant, and she did the first truly dishonest thing of her life, but she knew in her heart that it was the only right thing to do.
Her first time went to Severus in their Sixth year. They both knew that they were not starting a relationship, that they would not be doing it again. They also both knew that they would regret it going any other way. They awkwardly stumbled over each other, they were clumsy, and physically it wasn't terribly satisfying, but their souls were deeply nourished.
Lily stayed with him until morning, and her second time went to him as well.
From there she was faithful to James. They were happy and in love. They got engaged. Severus faded from her mind. Lily faded from his - as more time passed, thoughts of her brought more pain than they did comfort. With news of their engagement he gave up any hope of companionship with her. He resigned himself to a life alone. Lily was the only woman he ever had any interest in loving.
Lily's infidelity came once more. As her wedding approached she thought about what she was doing, and she panicked. She was 18 years old and she had essentially been with James and only James since she got her period. At first she only thought that she needed more time to explore her life, to have more options, but as time passed she began to believe that the real problem was that she making vows to the wrong man. Still, her ideals of loyalty prevailed and she decided to stay with James. She did love him, after all, and she really did want to build a life with him. She had never said a thing to him that she did not mean.
Two days before her wedding Lily disappeared. She told no one where she was going, not even Remus who was her closest friend. She showed up at Severus's doorstep with nothing but a purse containing a change of clothes and her wand. He looked different - he was not warm to her. His greeting was cold. He asked her, cruelly, if she had come to run away from her predicament and if she was always going to expect him to get her out of her problems.
Lily had an easy time of breaking through his walls. They spent the next two days together talking, catching up, making love, giving and receiving advice. Ultimately, Lily ended up at the altar with James. Severus had talked her into it. He told her about all the things she wanted with him, about their connection, about what a great man he was. In truth, he believed only half of it. What he really thought was that Lily would be happy with James, and that if Severus were actually the kind of man that could make her happy she would have noticed it years ago. Instead he was worth only an occasional fling, he could bring her only fleeting happiness, and if he had allowed her to stay Lily would have inevitably tried to build a miserable, shunned life with him. Two mudbloods, one a run-away bride - a Gryffindor with no honor and the other Snivilus Snape. What good would that do anyone? Now Lily could have pride, honor, and a good life. And he... would make the best of it that he could. Truly, it did not matter to him what became of him. All that could ever matter was what would become of his beloved Lily Evans.
They had no contact over the next several years. No letters, no visits, not a thing. Eleven years later, however, Severus saw something that made his heart ache with a long forgotten loneliness. As the First years filed into the Great Hall for the first time that year, he caught sight of Lily's glorious and sparkling green eyes. His heart skipped before he realized that they were attached to a short, brown-haired and bespectacled boy. Then he felt sick. Although Harry had no bit of Voldemort within him, the Sorting Hat still hesitated. He was very close to becoming a Slytherin. Ultimately, he joined Ron Weasley at Gryffindor.
The following story starts when Lily arrives at Severus's office during Harry's Fourth year.
Severus and Lily met as kids, they fell into a childish love way back then. They went to school and grew apart, and Lily was assimilated into the Marauders while Severus was drawn deeper into Slytherin society. James always saw the connection that Lily and Severus had, and his cruelty towards Severus was in no small part because he felt a need to defend his territory. Lily and Severus occasionally flirted, and as their feelings were able to become more complex their flirting became more serious. Lily and James were assumed to be an item starting in their Second year, but Lily never made that official until Fifth year. She never stopped loving Severus, but I think she also fell in love with James. That's what she does, isn't it? Sees the best in all of us? And certainly there was plenty to be seen in James. In her Sixth year James was starting to pressure her for sex. Not the uncomfortable "have sex with me or else" kind of pressure, but the "I love you and I'm ready... but you're hesitating. Why are you hesitating?" kind of pressure. She was hesitant, and she did the first truly dishonest thing of her life, but she knew in her heart that it was the only right thing to do.
Her first time went to Severus in their Sixth year. They both knew that they were not starting a relationship, that they would not be doing it again. They also both knew that they would regret it going any other way. They awkwardly stumbled over each other, they were clumsy, and physically it wasn't terribly satisfying, but their souls were deeply nourished.
Lily stayed with him until morning, and her second time went to him as well.
From there she was faithful to James. They were happy and in love. They got engaged. Severus faded from her mind. Lily faded from his - as more time passed, thoughts of her brought more pain than they did comfort. With news of their engagement he gave up any hope of companionship with her. He resigned himself to a life alone. Lily was the only woman he ever had any interest in loving.
Lily's infidelity came once more. As her wedding approached she thought about what she was doing, and she panicked. She was 18 years old and she had essentially been with James and only James since she got her period. At first she only thought that she needed more time to explore her life, to have more options, but as time passed she began to believe that the real problem was that she making vows to the wrong man. Still, her ideals of loyalty prevailed and she decided to stay with James. She did love him, after all, and she really did want to build a life with him. She had never said a thing to him that she did not mean.
Two days before her wedding Lily disappeared. She told no one where she was going, not even Remus who was her closest friend. She showed up at Severus's doorstep with nothing but a purse containing a change of clothes and her wand. He looked different - he was not warm to her. His greeting was cold. He asked her, cruelly, if she had come to run away from her predicament and if she was always going to expect him to get her out of her problems.
Lily had an easy time of breaking through his walls. They spent the next two days together talking, catching up, making love, giving and receiving advice. Ultimately, Lily ended up at the altar with James. Severus had talked her into it. He told her about all the things she wanted with him, about their connection, about what a great man he was. In truth, he believed only half of it. What he really thought was that Lily would be happy with James, and that if Severus were actually the kind of man that could make her happy she would have noticed it years ago. Instead he was worth only an occasional fling, he could bring her only fleeting happiness, and if he had allowed her to stay Lily would have inevitably tried to build a miserable, shunned life with him. Two mudbloods, one a run-away bride - a Gryffindor with no honor and the other Snivilus Snape. What good would that do anyone? Now Lily could have pride, honor, and a good life. And he... would make the best of it that he could. Truly, it did not matter to him what became of him. All that could ever matter was what would become of his beloved Lily Evans.
They had no contact over the next several years. No letters, no visits, not a thing. Eleven years later, however, Severus saw something that made his heart ache with a long forgotten loneliness. As the First years filed into the Great Hall for the first time that year, he caught sight of Lily's glorious and sparkling green eyes. His heart skipped before he realized that they were attached to a short, brown-haired and bespectacled boy. Then he felt sick. Although Harry had no bit of Voldemort within him, the Sorting Hat still hesitated. He was very close to becoming a Slytherin. Ultimately, he joined Ron Weasley at Gryffindor.
The following story starts when Lily arrives at Severus's office during Harry's Fourth year.
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