Including screwdrivers, broken fairies and a bang.
I've often been accused of being a 'girly-girl' (who came up with that name, anyway? Could they not think of a better word to describe a girl than 'girly'? Seriously…) and they are half-right.
I mean, I even got a little upset last time I broke a nail (sure, they grow back, but… it's just bad, okay?) so I'm not exactly the best handyman.
However, I did manage to use the screwdriver to remove the wheels from the board.
Believe me, I've never been prouder of myself.
So that was Step 1 of the Wonderful Plan to Beat Teddy and James and Prove the Unbeatable-ness of Victoire complete.
Next step? The glue.
I needed a plausible excuse for wanting glue, so I ran back up to the house and was immediately swarmed by the children too young to join in the Quidditch game (what can I say, I'm a magnet…).
"Vicky!" They all cried excitedly, and began running circles around my legs.
I grabbed one randomly out of the midst and hoisted her onto my hip.
It was the lovely Lily.
I looked into her innocent, happily chatting face, and was struck with another idea. (Don't you just love how these things appear out of nowhere?)
So I walked up to my bedroom, purposefully going slow enough that the little children could follow me.
I set Lily down just inside the doorway.
"… and then she took my apple, so I ate Albus' and it dribbled all down my shirt!"
"Hey, Lily?" I managed to ask, interrupting her oh-so-intriguing story, "I left something downstairs, just wait here while I go get it?"
She smiled at me.
I knew what she was thinking.
"I'll be right back."
I slowly climbed the stairs on my return, and put a tentative hand on the doorknob.
It was suspiciously quiet.
I opened the door.
Sitting in the middle of my floor was a cluster of little redheaded cousins.
As I entered, they simultaneously looked up.
Every single one of them was giving me puppy-dog eyes.
It was quite powerful, I assure you.
Lily, sitting in the centre (typically), held something out to me.
It was an ugly fairy sculpture my Aunt Gabrielle had given me last Christmas.
She was now headless, and had only one wing.
To be honest, I was quite pleased.
I had never liked the statue, and my plan was going well.
So I pretended to cry.
"M-my fairy! You… b-broke her…" I sobbed.
The children burst into a cacophonous chorus of apologies.
"We'll fix her! We'll get Uncle Bill's sticky glue!"
I looked at them, fake tears still rolling down my cheeks. (I swear, I have never done this before. What could possibly make you think I've had practice?)
Lily and the others nodded as one, and raced out of the room.
I was surprised at how fast they returned, bearing the promised glue.
"Here Vicky! You can put her back together now!" Lily announced.
"We really are sorry, Vicky…" Albus put in.
I wiped my eyes and smiled at them.
"Thankyou. How about you guys go down and see if Grandma has any snack for you?"
They began squealing, and once again left the room.
Step 2 of the plan was complete.
Now for the sleeping pills…
"Yes?" I heard the reply coming from the kitchen.
The kitchen is not a place you would like to be while the children are having their snack, because believe me, you are very likely to be trampled.
But I had to go in there.
I held my breath and squeezed in between two children.
"Oh hello dear, would you like something to eat?" Grandma held out a plate of cookies, several of which appeared to have already been sampled by the young ones. (So tempting)
"Uh, no thanks Grandma, I was just wondering if you know where I could find Maman?"
"She's out watching the others play Quidditch. Such a silly game, you know how often people get hurt, but all the boys seem to adore it, and one day someone's going to -"
"Thanks Grandma, I'll just go look for her. Bye!" I broke in. (Don't try to tell me it's rude, I know it is. I'm sure I've told you already that I'm a bad, bad girl. Well, here's some proof. But I bet you would've done the same…yeah, I'm onto you…)
"Oh, bye dear! Tell the others that lunch will be ready in about an hour!"
I ran out the door, following the path through the apple orchard and out to the field behind it.
Unfortunately, just before I managed to reach the field I found my path blocked by none other than the delightful Teddy Lupin.
He was holding a broom.
He smiled, wolfishly.
I knew exactly what he wanted.
"No," I said immediately.
"Why Victoire, not even a hello?" he grinned.
I smiled charmingly. (Sometimes being part-Veela is quite useful…)
"Sorry, I'm in a bit of a hurry, so if you'll excuse me?" I tried to walk forwards, but he didn't move.
"I'm sure you have time for your beloved friend Teddy."
"Actually, no. I need to find Maman…"
"She's busy right now anyway."
"Come on Vic, don't you trust me?" and he gave me that irresistible puppy face.
"Fine. But there is absolutely no way I'm –"
"– gonna ride my broom? Because I think you will."
"No. Not after last time."
"Aww don't be a sook Vic, it wasn't that bad!"
"I split my head open and ended up in hospital for a week!"
"Yeah but this time you know to stay away from anything big… and solid… like brick walls…"
"I don't know if you've noticed Teddy, but I have no control over broomsticks."
"All you have to do is lean!"
"Well maybe I'm bad at leaning."
"Or maybe you're just a chicken."
"I am not!" (I knew this would end badly, but I can't stand being called a chicken. Damn Teddy knows me too well…)
"Prove it! Ride my broom." and he smirked.
He knew he'd won.
"Fine!" and I snatched the broom off him.
I sat on it almost gracefully. (Sitting is something I can do.)
But as soon as it began to move, I knew I'd made a huge mistake.
Brooms just do not like me one bit.
I have this theory, you see.
I believe that all the brooms in England have united to get revenge on me for that time I accidentally set fire to a broom, covered it in James' birthday cake in my attempt to douse it (don't ask how, because I've really no idea…), slammed it in a door and then snapped it in two.
But that's just my opinion.
So anyway, when the broom took off, it was exactly the same as last time; completely out of my control.
It started spinning, flipping and streaking through the trees.
Naturally, I was screaming incredibly loudly. (Girly-girl Victoire takes over again.)
Once again, Teddy was laughing at me.
In fact, he was in tears.
Not tears of distress over my safety, but tears of intense amusement at the scene.
As I was clinging on for dear life, the broom decided it had had enough of me.
I really don't blame it, I must have been strangling it from how tight I was holding on. (Yes I do know that brooms are not people, but my experiences have taught me to treat them like ones…)
So, the broom flew straight at a tree, at breakneck speed.
I tried to lean left to steer it away, but it was no use, and –
We hit. The broom conspiracy had struck again.