Making plans with the future baby daddy.
We eventually arrived at my house and were sitting down on my bed. The place where all this began. We were just sitting there in an awkward silence until Frank finally broke the ice.
‘So, have you gotten morning sickness yet?’ He asked. I nodded my head.
‘Yeah. I wasn’t in school last Tuesday because of it. Apparently it might not stop until the 12th to 16th week. It’s not pretty Frank.’ I explained.
‘Wow. How about cravings?’ He asked.
‘Not yet, but I think they might come soon. Frank, I don’t know if I want this baby. I’m scared. People at school will torment me, the birth will be a bitch, and let’s face it, I’m too young to raise a kid. I’m 16 Frank. Only just. I can’t go through with it.’ I answered.
‘But, you can’t get an abortion. Please. I know we’re both too young. I know you’re scared stiff of it. I know that, but it’s a baby. It’s our baby. There will definitely be a lot of things to consider, but I still want this little thing.’ He said holding back tears.
‘I’m scared Frank. Besides, if my parents found out you’re the father, they’d kill you.’ I told him lying on my back.
‘Yeah, I know they would, but I still don’t care. It’s about the baby right now. I will protect him or her until the day I die, and even then I’d find some way to save it.’ He said.
‘He or she’s not an it Frank. He or she is a human.’ I said defensively.
‘So, you care about him or her then?’ He asked. I breathed in deeply and nodded my head.
‘Of course I do. Whoever’s in there is my baby. I could never not love him or her.’
‘Then keep it. Please? I know it’s a lot to ask, but I’m willing to be there every step of the way, and you can slap me as many times as you like during the pregnancy. You can ask me for whatever you want and I’ll give it to you, and I promise, I won’t let any of the stupid bitches at school hurt you.’
‘A baby’s a huge responsibility.’ I said trying to argue with him, but I knew it was hopeless. He was right.
‘So am I, I don’t see you complaining about it.’ He said. I giggled.
‘Actually, I’ve asked you to shut the fuck up many times in our friendship.’ I said. He hit my shoulder playfully.
‘Look, I’m going to be there for you and the baby. I’ll look after you both. Please, just let me be there for you guys. I really want this baby because I know it exists. Plus, my balls work. It’s a miracle after what I’ve been through with the poor guys.’ He said stroking them. I shook my head while laughing.
‘Remember when the dog tried to eat them because you thought it would be funny to put dog food in your boxers?’ I asked. He giggled and nodded his head.
‘Exactly.’ He said pointing to my laughing form which only made me laugh more. He sighed. ‘Penina?’
‘What am I gonna do about Jen? I need to tell her.’ He said. I nodded my head.
‘Well, that was the first thing that convinced me to terminate the pregnancy. Frank. You’re giving me mixed feelings and I hate it.’ I said frustrated at him. He put his hand on my shoulder and looked into my eyes.
‘Jen will probably hate me more than you.’ He said still keeping his gaze.
‘You’re not making it any better.’ I said. He still kept a firm hold on my shoulder. He just pushed his lips against mine. I loved him so much. I do love him. But it can’t happen. I pulled back. ‘Frank, no.’ I said. He looked confused.
‘What? I thought, I don’t know. I thought you’d want to kiss me too.’ He said sadly.
‘It doesn’t matter what I want. You’re with Jennifer. You love her. You don’t love me.’ I said.
‘I do love Jen, yes, but I love you more.’ He said. I shook my head.
‘No you don’t. You don’t love me. This whole thing was just a big mistake.’ I said sobbing on my pillow. He put his hand on my back nervously, but I just shrugged it off.
‘I do. I do love you. I have for a while.’ He said softly.
‘No one loves me like that. I know they don’t. How could anyone love me when I hate myself?’ I asked.
‘Well, you shouldn’t hate yourself. Because you’re perfect. I don’t care what everyone says. I don’t care what you say. I do love you. I want to have this baby with you.’ He said loudly. Too loudly. I cringed. I knew what was coming next. Mum stormed into my room.
‘What was that?’ She asked.
‘Oh, um, I was just saying to Penina that I’d love to look after the baby with her. I know it’s not mine, but she’s my friend. I’ll love to be there for her. I just don’t want her to have an abortion.’ Frank lied. It wasn’t all that smooth however.
‘You had sex with my daughter?’ She asked angrily. I sniffed and cried on my pillow even more. Frank sat back down on the bed and hugged me. Mum just stormed off.
‘Now she’s going to hate both of us for the rest of our lives.’ I told him. He just shrugged.
‘I don’t care if she hates me. I’d still love and protect you. Please believe me. Please.’ He said kissing my forehead.
‘But you just said you loved Jennifer too. If it wasn’t for that night, you wouldn’t be saying this now.’ I told him.
‘I do love her, but it’s nothing compared to what I feel for you. I love her for some of her qualities, but Penina, for god sake, I’ve loved you for so long it hurt. I thought I had to get over you eventually. Why did you think I went out with other people? I didn’t want to.’ He said.
‘But you managed to do it really easily.’ I said. ‘Okay, I won’t have the abortion, not for now anyway. I love this child with all my heart. But I still don’t know what to do with it after. I don’t know if I should keep him or her, or give the baby up.’ I confessed.
‘Penina, if you don’t want to keep the baby, then I will. You know I will. The thing in your womb is mine too. I love you both. I can’t ever not love you.’ He said before kissing my cheek. I gave in. I kissed his lips. I love him so much. But I feel terrible. I don’t know if the choice I’m making is right or not, but it’s happening. To be honest, I couldn’t be gladder it is, but I’m still scared. I just want everything to be okay. I didn’t want any of this to happen. Well, I liked that night with Frank, but that was it. I didn’t want this aftermath.
Hey guys! I know, it's late, but I'm going to sleep soon too. I've got school in the morning even though it's Hanukkah. Most Jewish kids don't go to school, but because I'm not in a Jewish school I have to. :( That's the one thing I miss about my last school. Ah well. Guys, I got Google Chrome instead of Firefox because there were ads popping up on my computer again, but it didn't help, so I installed another add-on thing, and now it's fine. Haha. Oh god. I have to see the person everyone hates tomorrow. He's such a dickface. I HATE HIM!!! Haha. Oh well. I hope you liked this chapter. Rate and review and smile and stuff. Haha. :D xx