“Party!” I call out to him “Wait up!” I stumble on a rock that I didn’t see but still jog to catch up to him.
“Fuck off Ghoul, you fucking stupid prick!” He growls without even looking at me. Oh shit, I’ve pissed him off real bad this time. His words kinda hurt me but I just push it aside because I know he doesn’t mean it…well, at least I hope he doesn’t.
“Party, come on. I’m sorry please don’t be mad.” I catch up to him and reach out to his arm. He violently snatches away from my touch and continues to storm away.
“FUCK OFF!” He cuts me off before I can even finish his name. I try to ignore the hurt and pain in my chest as I keep pace with him. He’s never been this angry towards me before, actually I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so angry before. As we get further and further away from the camp fire and the others I reach out to place a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to make him stop or as lest comfort him. He whips around and pushes me hard against my chest. I fall backward onto the ground.
“DON”T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” he screams and towers over me. I look up at him with scared wide eyes, I hear my pulse pumping through my veins and my hands slightly shake. He has never ever been physically violent towards me. I can see the hatred and fury burning in his eyes as he looks down at me like I’m nothing, like I’m dirt. I filch as he suddenly turns around and continues to march away.
I watch as the distance between us grows larger. I don’t even realize that I’m not breathing, my lungs burn and my head feels light. I can’t breathe, I can’t move. I feel hollow and empty. I think my heart just broke. I fight back tears as I manage to stand up. My body feels numb but I can’t leave things the way they are. I have to catch up to Party and fix this, I’ll fucking eat the stupid meat. I’d catch, kill, skin, gut, cook and eat a whole fucking rabbit if it meant that Party would forgive me and made him happy.
“Party” I call out, my voice cracking. I watch hopelessly as his silhouette figure just keeps on walking away. I breathe in a long sharp shaky breath then run after him. As I follow I start to feel anger and confusion cover me body. Why is he so fucking pissed? Is it just because I won’t eat meat? What gives his the fucking right to treat me like shit? How fucking dear he hurt me like this!
I quickly come up behind him but I don’t slow down. I crash tackle him around the waist from behind and we both slam into the dirt then roll across the dusty ground. I quickly sit up and look around me searching for Party in the moon light. I hear groaning behind me and I twist on the ground to pounce on him before he has the chance to walk away from me again. I grab and hold his shoulders pinning him to the ground, he looks up at me with such fire and fury burning in his usually gentle, kind and concerned eyes. His jaw is clenched tight and his skin shines in the moons beams.
“What the fuck is your problem!” I yell at him as I’m still angry at for him hurting me before. He grunts and twists his shoulders trying to shake me off. My hand slips and he shoves me hard to the side. He turns around and goes to stand up. I grab the back of his belt and trip him over. He falls face first into dirt with a ‘humff’. I move quickly to flip him over and pin him back down again but this time I use my whole body by straddling him.
“Get the fuck off me you ass hole! Let me the fuck go you stupid dick head!” He yells viciously as he violently twists and turns under me.
“Party! What is wrong with you?” I scream back but my words drip with concern not venom like his. Realizing he is not getting away from me so easily anytime soon he stops his thrashing about. His chest rises and falls under me as we both pant from the struggle. He stares me dead in the eyes and glares at me like I was a Draculoid then tightly grips onto my wrist and digs his nails into my skin. Ouchhhhhh! The motherfucker needs to bloody trim his nails.
“Ouch, ouch, ouch Party your hurting me.” I whine but stand my ground. I need to figure out what’s wrong with him and I’m not gonna let him go till this shit is sorted out. I think he’s having a mental break down. Doctor death-defying told us about killjoys who just losing it out here because the pressure of the world becomes too heavy on their shoulder and they just snap like a twig. The constraint fear of been defeated or taken alive or losing the ones you love just eat away at you like maggots eating away at a rotting discarded corps. But Party is not a twig! No! He’s not a rotting discarded corps! No way! He’s strong! He’s a fighter! He will get through this! I’ll make sure of that! I’m NOT FUCKING LOSEING MY FRIEND!
“Get. Off. Me. Let. Me. Go.” His eyes are wide with rage as he growls the words slowly. I look down at him completely confused, this isn’t the Party I know. I slowly shake my head and refuse to move. I know that all is not lost, the real Party is in there somewhere and I’ll find him no matter what. He shouldn’t have bottled everything up inside, I know he’s scared of losing Kobra, of losing Jet and me. We all are scared of losing each other, we’re all we have these days. I should have let him vent earlier today instead of telling him to shut up, this is my fault, I caused this because I was tired and hungry. I snapped at him for feeling guilty and talking about it, I told him to stop. I just fuck everything up.
“Please Party talk to me. I’m sorry, I’ll eat the god dam meat.” I plead with him but he just digs his nails in more and growls at me. I begin to lose my patience. I’m too tired and hungry to put up with this shit.
“Paaaaaarrrrrrrrttttttttyyyyy!!!!” I cry out at my wits end. I don’t know how to help him but I’m not letting him go.
“Get off of me now you fucking god dam prick!” his words sting and hurt but I can’t let them get to me. ‘He doesn’t mean it’ I keep telling myself. He doesn’t mean it….right?
“Party what about Kobra? You can’t just leave him behind. Let me or one of us help, talk to us we’re here for you always.” I plead and try to help make him understand that he’s not alone, he’s never alone.
“You know nothing! This is your fucking fault! All of it! You’re the one to blame!” He snaps at me with no trace of guilt or remorse for the words that he spits from his chapped lips. I just shake my head and try to breathe.
“It’s your fault! You’re the difficult one, the pain in everyone’s ass. You’re too fucking short to carry a heavily bag! Clumsy as shit! You’re the one that found that bitch Adrenaline Angel, it’s your fault that we now have next to nothing! You’re so fucking stupid that you mess up your hands carrying that motherfucking tree. You won’t just fucking eat like a normal person, No! Not Ghoul he’s got to be the stupid mother fucker that will waste away and make us carry him when he’s too fucking weak to even stand up by himself! You’re slowing us down and putting our lives at risk! You’re a waste of water, a waste of food, a waste of space, a waste of air! You’re nothing but a fucking stupid waste. You should just fuck off and die in a fucking hole or something!!! We would all be so much better off without you! We don’t need you or even want you!” He finishes by spitting in my face, if it was anyone else I would have punched their lights out.
I’m speechless. My body is completely numb. I don’t even try to breathe ‘I’m a waste of air’. Party just snarls up at me with pure hatred, I don’t even feel his nails as they tear the skin around my wrists as his claws them trying to get me off him. He draws blood that runs down my hands but I don’t care, nothing matters any more. He hates me. He meant every word of it, that’s what he’s been bottling up inside. My chest is hurting so bad. The shards of my broken heart slice through my lungs and rip up my guts. Party didn’t just break my heart but completely devoured it, destroyed it to the point of no return. He disintegrated my spirit and soul. I’m nothing, I feel worthless.
I barely even notice him roll us so that he’s now on top of me, I feel like I’m in some kind of twilight zone. He grips me roughly by the front of my shirt and pulls me close to his face.
“I hate you. You are the cause to everyone’s grief, you fucked up worthless piece of useless shit.” There is a smirk in his deep disgust filled voice as the words that leave his lips send me into a downward spiral of confusion, guilt, depression and self-hate. He shoves me back down hard into the dirt and looks down at me with pure loathing. My head is spinning and I just wish this is all a horrid nightmare and soon I’ll wake up to find Party smiling at me and telling us which way were heading for the day. But I know that this is real, and it makes my stomach sink.
Party Shuffles as he reaches down and grabs his yellow ray gun from its holster strapped to his leg. He grips my throat with one hand and holds the barrel to my temple. I just stare up into the eyes that seem so foreign and unloving. He licks his lips as a sinister grin claims and curves them. I finally breathe in a sharp shaky breathe that burns my chest like I just breathed in a poisonous gas. I honestly don’t care if he shoots me right now, if it’s what makes him happy then I’d gladly pull the trigger myself…for him I’d do anything.
He leans down real close, pressing his chest down on mine. He harshly turns my head to the side so he can whisper in my ear. His breathe washes over the sensitive skin and sends painful shivers down my spine. I close my eyes tight as I hear him lick his lips again just before he speaks.
“You are nothing.” The metal of the ray gun is cold against my temple as he presses it hard to the side of my head. Party turns my head so that I’m facing him again but my eyes are still shut tight, I refuse to cry even knowing that’s all I want to do. I know party is watching me very closely, I don’t know what’s gonna happen next. I’m scared. Party moves his hand from my neck but keeps the gun in place. I feel him brash strand of my hair away from my face, it’s like he’s trying to lead me into a sense of false security. Then out of nowhere I feel is lips on mine.
I snap open my eyes in complete shock. My head spins violently with confusion. The kiss was hard with little emotion but dirty filthy meaningless lust. I’m too scared to kiss back. I don’t know what’s happening any-more. Party pulls back then hits me with the back of his hand viciously across my face causing my head to turn to the side. The slapping sound stabs through the night air. If my body wasn’t so numb I would say it hurt but I can’t feel much. Party quickly grabs my jaw hard and turns my face towards his. His gun still pointed at my temple. He smashes his mouth down over my and forces his tongue pass my lips and invades my mouth.
He licks the roof of my mouth and thrusts his tongue deep down my throat. I writhed a little under his body in discomfort and whimper with scared confusion. Then I taste it, I don’t know how, where or when but it there…the taste of alcohol. This only confuses me even more. An involuntary tear escapes the corner of my eye and runs down the side of my face. Party pulls back again to breathe. He turns my head to the side them moves down to bite and suck at the exposed skin on my neck.
“P..par..par…Party…” I whimper in a hollow broken whisper. He moves his lips along my jaw-line, up to the tender skin just under my ear. His teeth graze my ear just before he breathes hot air into my ear.
“You are worthless. No one wants you, for anything.” He tells me then runs his free hand down my chest and gropes me through my jeans. I'd fight back but I can't move, I'm broken and scared, lost in a twilight zone. I'm numb, I'm a waste...I'm worthless.
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