Gerard grieves. Oneshot, based off the song. Reposted because it fits into what' going on right now.
Gerard let out a soft sob, eyes red and puffy from the almost-four hours of crying he'd done that night. That's funny, he thought, four hours for four lost friends. He chuckled sadly to himself and stared out the window at the grey rain falling in dull sheets at the window. His mind unraveled and he revisited each night, tears spilling onto his oversized grey sweatshirt.
The first hour he spent crying was for Frank, Lindsey and Bandit. The three had died in a car accident coming back from visiting Mikey and Alicia. Gerard was ill the day of the accident and had refused to go. Bandit had died so young, she would miss out on everything. She would miss out on her first kiss, her first love, her first heartbreak. She would miss out on hearing her daddy sing songs for her as he cried himself to sleep. Lindsey, his beloved wife, was gone now. She left him when he needed him most, when he was falling apart at the very seams. It wasn't fair, how she left him. Of course, it wasn't her fault, but it still stung, every time he managed to pull himself into bed and she wasn't there.
The second hour Gerard had spent crying was for Mikey. He vaguely remembered Alicia phoning him, voice frantic and hoarse. She told him of how Mikey seemed more distant, how it seemed like he was slipping away from the world. He had brushed it off as one of Mikey's little mood swings. He thought nothing of it, until the night. Exactly one year after Frank, Lindsey and Bandit had died, Alicia had phoned him again, sobbing brokenly. This time, he noted a tone of frenzy in the younger woman's voice. He drove to the home his brother and his wife shared, only to be met with the scarring image of his younger brother lying on the bathroom floor, eyes glassy and wide and expressionless and dead. He too had broken down, wailing and scratching at the walls, screaming for his brother. Mikey's funeral was possibly the saddest thing Gerard had ever witnessed. Mikey laid still, cold, dead, white and impossibly peaceful in his mahogany coffin, flowers fanning out around him. Alicia had dressed in full black, Mikey's Five Finger Death Punch necklace round her neck as some sort of sick reminder that she was living for the both of them now. She and Gerard had spent the night drowning their sorrows in endless bottles of wine, eyes raw and unseeing.
The third hour he spent crying was for Ray, his puffy-haired partner in crime. Ray had died in a plane accident, along with Christa, his faithful wife. When he heard the news, Gerard had fainted dead away. Not only was another of his friends gone, it was on the second anniversary of Frank, Lindsey, and Bandit's death, and a year had gone by since Mikey swallowed a handful of pills. It seemed like karma had it in for him, although he had done nothing to anyone. Karma was just cruel, he had decided. Alicia had come to him yet again, pale white and shaky. For the second year in a row, they spent the night in each others' company.
The fourth and final hour he spent sobbing was for Bob. The blonde drummer had left the band whilst they recorded Danger Days. He and Gerard had kept in contact, very loosely. Bob never knew of Frank's death, nor Mikey or Ray's. Everything seemed fine, until Gerard turned on the television one evening. The news programme had told him that in Chicago, there had been a murder. He bit his lip anxiously, hazel eyes trained on the screen as he waited for a name. When the name appeared on the screen in blinding clarity, he fell to his knees on the floor, wetting it with floods of tears as the same name was said, over and over and over. Bob Bryar has been stabbed. Bob Bryar, ex-drummer for rock band My Chemical Romance has been murdered. As Gerard realized the date, he pushed his hair off his face and sprinted to the bathroom, emptying the contents of his stomach on the cold, tiled floor. Three years ago, his wife, his child and his best friend died. Two years ago, his brother died. A year ago, Ray and Christa died and now Bob was gone. He really was the only one left.
After Bob's death, Gerard made a vow to not let anything else happen. Three months after Bob had been buried, the singer remarried. He and Alicia realized that they needed each other, more than any two people had ever needed each other before. The two fell in love, but their love was overshadowed by the deaths of their respective partners. On the same night he watched Mikey fade away, he found Alicia in the bathtub, black hair floating on the surface, her body still and pale under the clear water. A note was left on top of a towel. It read, simply, I'm sorry. I love you, but not in the way I loved him.
As a large clap of thunder awoke him from his dreamlike trance, Gerard felt a lone tear drip down his now-dry face. His wedding ring glared up at him, shining and gold, a reminder to say that he had failed as a husband - twice. He gazed at the wall, wondering what to do now. He had lost everything and everyone he had ever loved. He picked up a piece of paper and a pen he found beside his bed, and began to write.
Five lost friends and I'm all alone,
No one to hold me when I'm too frightened to face it.
I can't do this by myself,
I can't do this all alone.
They fled away from me like snow met with salt,
I watched the light behind their eyes fade away.
I miss them, I miss you,
And I can't do this on my own.
I watched the light behind their eyes fade away,
And I can't do this on my own.
He stood up, smiling an odd, insane smile. He made his way shakily to the stairs that would lead him to the roof of his home, gripping the banister with everyone he had in him. He slowly made his way up to the roof, the lyrics he wrote clutched in his hand. He sang quietly as he opened the door, the words slipping from his almost non-moving lips. "Can't find my way home, but it's through you and I know just what I'd do, just to get back in your arms." As he stepped out onto the roof, he made his mind up. He took a deep breath and stood on a ledge. He looked down - he was at a dizzying height. Once again, he began to sing.
"You only hear the music when your heart begins to break,
We are the kids from yesterday."
He shut his eyes, spreading his arms. He let the wind rustle in his hair for a moment before he leant forward, falling through the air. In the few moments left, he didn't hear the rushing of air. He heard music.
MCR have split up.
I'm in math crying.
These men inspired me to be who the hell I am today and leave me with one fucking paragraph.
But I kind of get what The Light Behind Your Eyes means now.
"So long to all my friends" - all the fans.
"Just remember you will always burn as bright" - you'll always be strong, even without MCR.
I'm just crying. Wow.