“Because we all fall down Frank, and I fell with you.”
Chapter 17: Please promise not to cry, I’m okay, stay strong and hold my hand, I’ll never fade in the dark.
Mikey’s point of view.
I was still crying; my brother, the man I adored and grew up looking up to him as my role model and my best friend. The one who always stood up for me even if it meant getting a beating himself, cleaned up all my cuts and grazes, comforted me when I was upset or angry, took care of me when I was sick, never complained for waking him up during the night if I had a nightmare and shared his bed with me, his hand stroking my hair to help me relax and go to sleep, shared his comics, Cds, DVDs, and his ideas with me, always giving me really good advice and wise words whenever I felt down or was nervous and made me feel confident in myself to try out the things I wanted to do. He was the best older brother and best friend I could have wanted and he was lying in hospital bed fighting for his life because a bunch of drugged up and drunk assholes attacked him in the street on his way home. He didn’t see it coming, the brutality of it. The nurse had said that a passer by who saw him lying in his own blood down a dirty ally way at the side of his store, with a bunch of kids kicking the hell out of him had chased ’the bastards’ away from his store and brought him in and revealed that Gerard had told him he was fighting with a bunch of ‘sadistic, sick, arrogant bastards’ from school that had been making his life hell. The passer by also said that Gee had admitted when he asked that the guys he fought with always beat the shit out of him but that had been the worse . The passer by said it was anything but a fight and the boys were attacking him like a pack of wolves; not stopping and laughing, never letting Gerard catch a breath or get up to his feet to even attempt fighting back. But guessing by the blood on some of there faces, Gerard had gotten a few digs before they had overwhelmed him. The boys also seemed to be highly intoxicated with alcohol and drugs.
Me, Ray and Frank knew instantly who had attacked Gerard and I wanted to find them and fucking kill them. It just wasn’t fair! All Gerard had been doing was simply walking home from work, minding his own business. Why can’t they just leave him alone?! He didn’t ask for any of this shit! Do they think it’s funny to almost kill him and put in hospital and make his friends and family worry like hell? Don’t they know that we care for Gerard so much that seeing him getting hurt is like a knife in the ribs? That seeing him lying there lifeless on a hospital bed, with a machine to keep him alive and the constant fear that his life line is suddenly going to stop beating and turn into a flat line is keeping us all on edge?
The realization that they were all probably still lying, safe and sound in their homes, in their beds, with their loved ones probably not far away, with only the problem of a major hangover and the side effects of whatever drug they took and an explanation to explain their absence from school, while we were in hospital, huddled around Gerard’s bed as he fought to even do the simple thing of breathing long enough to keep himself alive, filled me with a swell of white hot anger and wanted to punch something, yell, scream and just fucking lose it.
You have no idea, how badly, I wished it wasn’t Gerard lying there fighting for life, and that it was one of those assholes. I wanted them dead. They almost took my brother away from me and there is still a possibility that they could still now.
They only see Gerard from the outside; an extremely pale gay teenager who wears black and likes rock and metal, loves to draw and read comics with scars running up his arms. They see a freak and a loser but me and the others see a good looking, talented individual who is different and unique and proud of who he is. They don’t see him from the inside; That’s he’s caring, loving, kind hearted, protective, funny, smart, creative and philosophical. They don’t see the talent he has or his stubborn teasing , sarcastic sense of humour. They don’t see the caring side of him, the one who comforts his friends and his brother, cheers them up, makes them smile and cry with laughter, making you coffee in the morning without you even having to ask, listens to your problems and gives advice and support, encourages you to do whatever it is you want to do. They don’t see the great art work he’s done or the emotional songs he has written or get his sense of humour like when he says quotes from movies in the really bad but funny voice impersonations that always has me in stitches of laughter. The childlike way he acts when we’re messing around, like that day he and Frank ran around the house, trying to tickle each other to death at the park, or the child like arguments he starts with me only for us to be in stitches of laughter afterwards.
He’s a great guy and he doesn’t deserve the shit he gets on a daily basis, just because some people can’t see him for a person, just a label to stereotype and mock.
I held his hand in mine squeezing it occasionally hoping he’ll respond. Dad, who was his doctor, said he was in a coma due to passing out while having a concussion. He passed out due to having lost a lot of blood and his organs -especially his heart- were working at a very slow pace due to his blood flow taking a while to reach the vital organs that would keep him alive, hence why the life support was needed. What he needed was a big blood donation of the same type. I was the only one that matched but even the blood I had donated wasn’t enough and they couldn’t take anymore from me. So what our dad had to do now was go through medical records to see if anyone had the same blood type and was put down as a blood donor. To think that my brother’s life depended on someone else having the same type of blood and willing to donate it to him was terrifying.
I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Ray at my side.
“Hey.” he muttered.
“Hey.” I muttered back, taking his hand and holding it in mine, “Do you think he’s gonna make it?”
“Course I do, Mikes.” Ray said sounding confident, “Come on, it’s Gerard! You really think he’s gonna go so easily?”
I let out a small chuckle and wiped my nose, tears still falling.
“Hey, hey.” Ray said soothingly, wiping my tears away, “Come on Mikey, he’s going to be okay. I promise. Don’t cry, I hate it when you cry.”
“I can’t help it Ray.” I admitted, “It’s just-look at him!“ I gestured at Gerard, “He looks lifeless. Just lying there, eyes not open. I mean, I can convince myself he’s just asleep but the bandages and with all those wires and needles -”
“Then let’s just be glad he’s asleep.” Ray cut in, a small grin on his face; as I looked at him, he grinned even wider, “Come on. Can you imagine what he would be like if he woke up and saw needles in his arms? He would freak out! Remember that day at the dentist?”
I couldn’t help it; I let out a laugh, remembering Gerard’s reaction to having to get an injection to numb his mouth at the dentist a couple of months ago. Gerard had practically ran out the room, yelling completely random stuff that made no sense whatsoever and me and Ray had to drag him back in. It was like a cartoon seriously.
“Trust me Mikey he’s gonna be okay. Come on, keep a smile for me. You know Gerard would kill you if he saw you looking the way you are now. Let’s go grab a coffee alright? I think Frank needs one to be honest.”
“How is Frank?” I asked quickly.
Frank had been sitting in the waiting room since we got here. He had came in the room with us to see him, but he took one look at him with all the wires and needles in his body and the sound of the machine and quickly got out the room, saying he needed to get out for a cigarette and take a breather. I felt a surge of sympathy for him, understanding. I can relate to how he was feeling, seeing someone you care about lying there like that and not able to take it.
Ray sighed heavily, “I don’t really know Mikes. He’s just been smoking cigarette after cigarette before coming back in and pacing before going out again. He did that for at least an hour and a half but now he’s just sitting there staring at the wall.”
“Oh God.” I groaned, running a hand through my hair. I glanced at my brother, “Tell me outside.” I said before kissing my brother on the cheek and squeezing his hand as I tucked his hair behind his ear, “Gerard, you have no idea how much that guy cares about you seriously.” I muttered, before leaving the room with Ray.
“His mom’s tried talking to him, but all she’s getting is one word answers or even just a shrug.” Ray sounded concerned, “She had to leave as her boss called and she can’t take time off so I said I would keep an eye on him for her.”
“I’m kind of glad to be honest. Hanging around Gerard isn’t gonna suddenly make him wake up.” I sighed, “My dad said the best thing to do is to go about our daily business and check up on him regularly.”
“I can see where he’s coming from. It makes sense.” Ray agreed, “Think you can do that though?”
“Honestly? No, and our parents know that I can’t. Last time Gerard was in hospital, I stayed right up until visiting times were over and even tried to hide under his bed to make them think I was gone.” I admitted making Ray chuckle, “Something you’d expect from a five year old, but the best part was it was only last year.”
“Hey, you care for your brother, it’s only natural.” Ray said smiling gently and squeezing my hand lovingly.
“Yeah I guess. But my parents have got work. I mean I guess my dad working as a doctor in this fucking hospital-as ironic as it sounds- is reassuring and he can tell me and mom how he’s getting on but my mom-” I cut off.
“What about her? “ Ray asked quietly.
“She can’t take seeing him like that Ray. I mean it’s bad enough my Dad has to fucking hook his own son up to a life support machine but he’s made of strong stuff Ray. He can put on a brave face and cope. Where’d you think Gee get’s it from? But she can’t. You’ve seen it yourself. It tears her apart.” I sighed, “I mean it’s hard for me too, but I got to keep strong for her you know. Can’t let it get to me.”
“Hey, I know you feel like you have to be there for her, but don’t shove aside your own emotions either.” Ray said firmly, “Okay, just remember, I’m here for you. Whether it’s a shoulder to cry on, or someone to make you smile, I’m here. Just, don’t drag yourself down, promise.” he said pleadingly.
I smiled, “Yeah I promise.” I said honestly, “I won’t.”
Frank’s point of view
I checked my cell and saw it was now two thirty. Me and the guys had been here since nine. Gerard and Mikey’s dad worked here as a doctor who was in charge of Gerard’s care. I could only imagine the pain he must be in, having to hook his own son up to a life support and check his injuries, having to analyse the damage and see the scars and bruises his son has due to the bullying he had to endure. He had told their mom to go straight home and rest, get some sleep. She resisted at first, but soon gave in. I had to agree with her husband, it would be much better if she went home, it must be tearing her apart to see her own son like that. She had cried the minute she saw him lying in that hospital bed. Ray’s brother said he was going to tell their parents what happened and had to leave for work and my mom also had to leave. I didn’t grudge her. She was a single mother and couldn’t afford time off. She didn’t even try to convince me to come home either, knowing that I wouldn’t move and I loved her for that. I wanted to be here not just for Gerard, but also for his brother and his parents and Ray who also decided he was gonna stay too. Gerard and Mikey’s mother had hugged us so tightly I thought my ribs would break, but it was great to know she was grateful for the support.
I haven’t seen Gee yet. I mean I got a glimpse of him, but it was too much and I had to get outta there. It tore my heart seeing him like that. I was chain smoking like hell right now and a couple of the nurses looked at me disgruntled probably because of the strong smell of nicotine coming off my clothes but I didn’t care; it was the only thing keeping me sane right now and kept me calm when all I really wanted to do was hunt those fuckers down and put them in the position Gerard is in right now.
Every time I tried to go through, I felt like crying and that surge of anger towards those bastards and went back out for another couple of smokes to calm down again, then I took up to pacing around the room feverishly only for the receptionist to tell me I was annoying the other people in the room and told me to sit my ass down or go outside to do it. I had slumped down on the white hard back chair disgruntled and cussed her under my breath and hadn’t moved since.
“Fucking stuck up bitch.” I muttered annoyed earning a nasty look from her and I stuck my tongue out.
“Who is?” I looked up to see Mikey and Ray coming over, holding hands, Mikey’s eyes rather blood shot but he was smiling-very slightly- but I was glad to see he was smiling even if it was tiny.
“That stupid receptionist.” I grumbled, “Sir could you please sit down as your pacing is annoying the other people here. You have to sit down or head outside as we have other people here to consider.” I mocked her before blowing a raspberry, “Excuse me for being worried sick.”
Mikey and Ray laughed quietly, “You wanna come over to Starbucks? We were gonna head over so Mikey can get a bit of a breather. You look like you need it too.”
I bit my lip, “Yeah okay, I think I need another smoke anyway.” I sighed in resignation, “And I think I need to stay out of her way for awhile or she’ll be using a sedation injection on me.” I jerked my head over to the receptionist.
They both laughed as we headed outside. The minute we were away from the entrance I lit up a cigarette and took a deep drag, letting the smoke enter my lungs slowly before exhaling.
“Are you okay Frank? You’re smoking a bit much.” Mikey asked worriedly.
“Yeah I’m just.” I trailed off before trying again, “I’m just trying to relax enough to go and see him. You know to sit with him for a bit, let him know am there, but every time I try I just start crying and feel anger building up.” I sighed taking another drag.
“Hey it’s okay, take your time Frankie. I know it’s hard.” Ray said soothingly, “It’s hard for all of us, but you just being in the hospital with us is support and enough to let him know that you care.”
I smiled, “Thanks Ray.”
“No problem man and-Mikey you’re moaning at him for smoking and you go and do it too? Seriously?” Ray said laughing as Mikey also lit up.
“Hey, I got an excuse, I haven’t smoked since last night. Get around that one” Mikey said defensively making us laugh slightly.
“How’s Gee doing anyway?” I asked exhaling,
“He’s okay, me and Ray spoke to my Dad while he checked Gerard over. He says he’ll be able to come off the life support pretty soon as he’s stable now. Just needs a blood donation before he can get off it.” Mikey said sounding a bit more cheerful, “After that he’s gonna need an operation on his leg as it’s broke and fractured in two places rather awkwardly and he’s got a few fractured ribs, his stomach is damaged severely and he needed stitches in his back and arm and his shoulder is dislocated.” I flinched, “But Dad says he’ll make a really fast recovery. The breaks and dislocation aren’t too severe, a month at most to mend after he get’s a cast on.”
“That’s great!” I gasped elated, “That’s, that’s just, you serious!?”
Mikey and Ray laughed, “Yeah am serious Frank. He’s gonna be okay.” Mikey said smiling, “It was a bit of a worry at first when he came in as he had lost consciousness but that was due to a high blood loss .”
“So the machine is for…”
“He had a concussion. He was in a short coma and the machine was to monitor him. His blood flow is very slow and is taking a long time to reach the vital organs so he’ll be hooked up to it until they get a blood donor of the same type and a blood bag get’s hooked up.”
I let out a sigh of relief, “Thank God.” I said, “He’s gonna be okay.” I said quietly then it hit me, “He’s gonna be okay!” I said a bit louder, a grin spreading on my lips then, “HE’S GONNA FUCKING LIVE! HE’S OH- FUCKING KAY!” I shrieked, dropping my cigarette and all but jumping on Mikey making him stumble slightly as Ray burst out laughing, “Oh my God this is amazing! HA! I knew he could fight it out! Yes!” I punched the air, laughing excitedly as Mikey watched me in amusement, Ray laughing uncontrollably, “Gerard Fucking Way you stubborn mother fucker I fucking love you! You fucking showed those fucker-” I cut off, realizing what I just yelled, “Oops…”
“You love him huh?” Mikey asked eyebrows raised as he smirked.
“Yeah, I mean, you know, as a friend, obviously, not as in, in love you know, that would be stupid, I mean not saying loving him is stupid, I’m just-” I rambled going bright red and making Ray laugh hysterically.
“Frank, shut up.” Mikey said flatly though he grinned, “Face it you do love him, don’t you?”
“EEH THAT IS SO CUTE! AWWW YOU GUYS ARE SO MADE FOR EACH OTHER!” Mikey shrieked making me and Ray look at him in surprise, “OH MY GOD GRACIE WAS RIGHT! YOU TWO WOULD BE TOTALLY PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER! HOLY SHIT!”
“Wow Mikey, chill, relax, breathe.” Ray said soothingly holding his hands up as I stared at Mikey in shock.
“What the actual fuck.” I muttered as Mikey continued to squeal like a girl and Ray, laughing tried to calm him down, “I need another smoke.” I said shaking my head., taking a cig out and lighting it up.
We soon got into Starbucks and we were sitting at the table next to the window when a thought hit me.
“Hey Mikey.” I said slowly.
“Yeah?” Mikey asked breaking off the conversation he was having with Ray to look at me.
“You said Gerard will only come off the life support machine if he gets a blood donor of the same type right?”
“Does, does that mean his life depends on someone else donating?” I croaked out.
Ray and Mikey looked at one another and I knew the answer.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked.
“We didn’t want to scare you.” Ray admitted as Mikey looked down at the table, cup of coffee in his hands.
“Didn’t want to scare me? So, what, you were gonna wait until you either did or didn’t get a blood donor to tell me that he couldn‘t survive without it!” I yelled, “Or would you only tell me if he didn’t and he died?!”
“Frank come on keep it down will you?” Ray hissed, “And don’t talk like that! Do you think Mikey wants to hear that!”
I blinked and looked at Mikey who was biting his lip and guilt hit me faster than a fucking truck, “Shit, sorry Mikey I-”
“It’s okay, we should have told you from the start.” Mikey said quietly, “I mean I thought it would be good to not tell you not only just to avoid scaring you, but it was to kind of convince myself that there wasn’t a chance he could die. That when I get back to his room, a blood bag will already be there hooked up and he’ll be awake and smiling.” I looked at him feeling like a total asshole now, “I mean it scared me having my dad telling me and Ray that and I tried to convince myself that by not telling anyone else it wasn’t true. Stupid idea really.” he chuckled humourlessly, “Fuck, I got to grow up don’t I? Face reality.” Mikey sniffed and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, his voice breaking, “Face the truth that I could lose him.”
“Hey, hey.” I said soothingly, quickly taking one of his hands in mine as tears fell from his eyes, “Ray’s right, we can’t think like that, and I’m sorry I reacted the way I did. I can get why you would do that and I appreciate you took my feelings into consideration, and I get why you would try to convince yourself that. I would do the same thing. That’s not childish or stupid; that’s a natural reaction. He’s gonna make it alright? Your Dad will find a matching donor, blood bag will be hooked up and soon he will be awake and smiling,” I paused or a minute, “And probably freak out about the needles and craving a coffee and a cigarette.” I added in making Mikey and Ray laugh.
“Yeah probably.” Mikey smiled, rolling his eyes fondly, “Wouldn’t put it pass him. Even being close to death wouldn’t stop him getting his nicotine and caffeine hit.”
“And as for the needles? I’m kind of glad he’s still asleep.” Ray said.
“Is his reaction that bad?” I asked.
“You weren’t there when he had to go to the dentist when he had toothache were you?” Ray asked.
“Well considering I just met him about five days ago…”
“Oh yeah, well, it was bad.”
“Really? How come.”
“You don’t wanna know.” they both said in unison, groaning in exasperation.
I laughed, “At least give me a rough idea of what happened.”
“Let’s just say we had no idea he could run out of a building as fast as he does when the bell rings on a Friday.” Mikey said.
“Fuck that is bad.”
“You don’t want to know the rest of it.” Ray shook his head before drinking the rest of his coffee.
“I do, but I’ve kind of got a rough idea of what it would be like now so am all set.” I admitted grinning.
“Yeah, but I’m pretty sure you’ll find out pretty soon.” Mikey grinned.
“No thank you, I got a glimpse on Saturday and that was enough.”
Mikey laughed and drained the rest of his coffee and got up, shoving his leather jacket on, “You guys ready to go or do you wanna grab something to eat?” he asked.
“Ummm….” I bit my lip ring before pulling on Gerard’s hoody, “Up to you guys really.”
Mikey was looking at the hoody and smiled slightly, “Well me and Ray are pretty starving right now so do you wanna grab a pizza or something? Bag of fries even?”
“Um yeah sure, can you go grab me some fries? I‘m gonna go back to the hospital and see Gerard.” I decided.
“Are you sure?” Ray asked and I knew he was asking if I would be okay seeing Gerard on my own.
“Yeah I’m sure. You guys go ahead.” I nodded then smirked, “Make a sweet little date out of it.”
They both flipped me off and I laughed.
“Alright if you’re sure.” Mikey said resigned, zipping his jacket up.
”Go.” I said putting emphasis on the word, “Go have fun, make out on a park bench or something or piss off more homophobic mothers. I’ll be fine. Just remember to grab me some fries.”
Mikey and Ray laughed, “Alright, we won’t be over an hour.” Mikey said.
“Take your time. I’ll keep an eye on him alright, stop worrying and go and be high school sweethearts.”
“Fuck off Frank.” Ray laughed.
“What, I’m being nice!”
“Sure, call us if you need us okay?” Mikey said looking at me sternly.
“Yes mom.” I said sarcastically rolling my eyes earning an annoyed look, “Now go!”
“Alright we’re going.”
“Good.” I grinned as they both hugged me and left, Ray laughing as Mikey instantly jumped on his back, arms around his neck as he laughed..
I sighed, smiling slightly at their carefree, loving playfulness, feeling slightly envious, before swallowing the rest of my coffee despite it being half full and still rather hot but the heat along with the caffeine, made me more awake and alert now.
I left the coffee shop and lit up a cigarette and made my way to the hospital, determined to see Gerard now knowing that he’s pretty much in stable condition. The only thing between life and death was a blood donor.
I put out my cigarette as I arrived and walked in, ignoring the dirty look the receptionist gave me as I walked past. I guess I can’t really blame her; I smell strongly of nicotine and coffee, wearing the same clothes I wore yesterday, haven’t slept, my hair was greasy, I probably had bags under my eyes and I was wearing a severely worn out and paint stained hoody, but I didn’t really care for my appearance right now. The hoody I was keeping on because it smelled of Gerard and was a huge comfort and the only thing I cared about was seeing him.
On my way into the ward, I ran into his Dad, muttering to himself as he flicked through some paper on a clipboard.
“Hey Mr Way.” I waved, smiling slightly.
He looked up, “Oh, hey there Frank.” he smiled a warm smile, “How are you?”
I shrugged, “Not bad, how’s Gerard doing?” I asked.
“He’s doing fine, did Mikey tell you about the-”
“The blood donor thing? Yeah he told me. I actually want to ask you about that.” I said quickly.
Mr Way looked at me, “Go ahead.”
“Could you check my medical file? See if I match his?” I asked quickly.
He blinked, “Um sure.” he said slowly, “You go ahead and see him, I’ll let you know in a few.”
“Thanks.” I smiled, “See ya around Mr Way.” I waved before moving to walk past.
“Yeah?” I asked turning round.
“You don’t need to call me that you know, I do have a name.” he smiled, “You can call me Donald okay?”
“Okay.” I smiled before approaching Gerard’s door.
I waited until Donald was around the corner of the corridor, before taking a deep breath, door on the handle.
“Come on Frank, you can do this, you’ve got to be there for him.” I muttered before closing my eyes tightly and forced myself to push the door open.
First thing I heard when I stepped in was the sound of that life support machine, beating regularly and I shut the door behind me, swallowing. I knew the sound was his heart and hearing a machine play it loudly for it to echo around the room hit me hard.
I forced my eyes to open and gasped as I saw him lying there, looking so peaceful, his raven black hair standing out vividly against the whiteness of the sheets and his skin. If I can ignore the bandages and the wires, I can convince myself he was sleeping.
I walked over to the chair that was beside his bed and sat down, hands clasped.
“Jesus Christ Gee, you know, I’ve only known you for five days yet I feel like I’ve known you my whole life. Funny huh?” I muttered, “To think, the first time you got my attention was when you were laughing like a maniac at one of your co workers.” I let out a weak laugh, “Wanna know the first thing I thought when I heard you? I thought damn, that guy has the most beautiful laugh ever. Corny right?” I smiled, stroking his hair back, “Remember I said you suited your laugh and should do so more often? Yeah that was my shit ass attempt at flirting.” I admitted, laughing slightly, “And when you told me your name I thought it was the most perfect name for someone who had such a lovely voice too. I thought you were perfect right there and thought that you were way out of my league, even to hang out with. Fuck why would someone like you want to hang out with me right? But I gave it a shot, asked for your number…and oh my God you stuttered like crazy! And when you hit your head off the desk and rambled, honestly I’ve never been more attracted to someone in my whole life. I felt so much love for you right there but I dismissed it and thought it was a stupid crush, that I would never see you again” I smiled weakly, listening to his heart monitor and him breathing slowly, “But I did, the very next day and still I thought it was a crush.”
“Ya know I told Mikey that, that I had a total crush on you. Just two days ago when we were sitting in the kitchen, casually smoking and drinking coffee. You know when we told you that story about how I found a stray dog?” I laughed, “Yeah that story was total BS, sorry bout that.” I smiled, “But I think it’s more than that now. “ I bit my lip and took his pale, cold hand in mine, “Became a lot more then that. I thought I started falling for you at the park but, it was a lot earlier. Probably on the way back from the movies.” I laughed, “It was a good time right? I loved that smile, the way you teased me and got all defensive? I loved it, you were being so carefree and childlike, that close loving bond you have with Mikey was so cute and I felt myself falling again. But I tried to ignore it. We only knew one another for not even two days. I couldn’t of fallen for you. Besides, I don’t believe in that love at first sight thing. That’s only in movies after all.”
“But yesterday when we went for coffee? I’ll be honest with you Gerard, it felt like a date to me, a first date.” I laughed, “It was definitely the best first date ever.” I grinned, “I could feel myself falling for you even more but I was scared, I’ll admit it. I was scared of falling for you, afraid that I was wrong or you didn’t feel the same, still scared of that last bit to be honest.”
I used my other hand to stroke his hair again, “But when you stood up to that asshole, that did it for me Gee.” I whispered, “I fell alright, I wasn’t wrong about that. I fell hard and don’t regret it. I wasn’t afraid of falling cause I fell for my best friend.” I wiped escaping tears away from my eyes, “I don’ know if you feel that Gee, but I do and all I want right now is for you to wake up and reassure me you’re okay.” The tears were falling more freely right now, but I didn’t try to wipe them away, what was the point?
“I love you Gee.” I whispered, “Don’t give up now, just when I realize that. Not when I want to see you smile or even smirk again. Not when I want to hear your laugh or your voice. Hell I haven’t even heard you sing one of your songs yet.” I let out a choked laugh, “Just don’t leave me Gee, don’t leave us. Your mom, your Dad, Mikey…” I trailed off, now sobbing, “God Gee, don’t leave Mikey, it’ll kill that guy, he fucking loves you and needs you.” I said, “And Ray too, he’ll be distraught as fuck if you go, he sees you like a fucking brother himself.”
“I want to get to know you Gerard for a lot longer then five fucking days. I want to be with you when you reach your dreams and see that smile on your face every day and hear your say on everything, watch you draw and write those awesome songs and drawings that you do. If you go Gee, not only would that be a waste of a life, but a waste of great fucking talent and a great fucking person.”
I sniffed and squeezed his hand tightly, “I just want you to wake up Gee.” I whispered, “Please? “
I squeezed his hand tighter then weakened my hold, feeling more tears spill, letting my hair cover my eyes.
Suddenly I gasped. I felt him squeeze back! I fucking felt him squeeze back!
“Gerard!” I gasped, squeezing his hand tighter just to make sure…and he squeezed back again! “Oh my God Gerard you’re awake!”
His eyes opened really slowly, but pretty soon, I saw that brilliant shade of forest green that was his eyes, and I let out a choked sob again, “Fuck Gerard you’re fucking alive!”
“Frank?” he croaked out.
“I’m here Gee, oh my god, I can’t believe this!” I cried, tears falling on the sheets.
“Hey, hey don’t cry Frank, I’m alive ain’t I?” he said raising a hand to wipe away my tears.
I grabbed that hand and held it close to my face, “I just can’t-”
“What thought I’d go so easily? Fuck no.” Gerard scoffed, “Especially by those fuckers.”
I laughed through my tears as he sat up slowly, “You’re, YOU’RE FUCKING ALIVE!” I shrieked, hugging him tightly, making him laugh and I felt my heart burst with happiness.
“I know I can’t believe it either.” he muttered into my ear, “But I’m okay Frankie, really I’m okay.”
“That’s all I want to hear Gee.” I wiped away my tears, nuzzling into his neck, “That’s all I want to hear.”
“You wanna hear something else?” he asked pulling away slightly so he could look at my face and I saw that mischievous glint in his eyes and that cheeky smile I loved.
“What?” I asked confused,
Gerard smiled softly and raised my head up with his finger tips. I felt my heart beat furiously and my breath hitch in my throat as he looked at me deeply with his eyes. I swallowed as he leaned in closer and I could feel his breath over my lips, all but tasting the nicotine and coffee on his breath he was so close.
He let out a small laugh and tucked my hair behind my ear slowly, “I’m glad you’re not afraid of falling anymore Frank.” he whispered, “Cause I’m not afraid of falling either. I swear my heart was going to explode.
“Why’s that?” I breathed.
“Because we all fall down Frank, and I fell with you.” he whispered back before closing the gap between us.
I felt my heart beat so fast I thought it was gonna break my ribs as I felt his cold yet soft, chapped but soft lips against my own and instantly responded. I felt my stomach tighten and a shiver go down my spine. My brain and all my senses seemed to have gone numb, over come with the taste and feeling of Gerard’s lips and the only thought running through my mind was that he was kissing me and I was kissing back. I felt his hand glide down the side of my face to my jaw line and back up to stroke my hair before moving his other hand to my waist, his arm wrapped around my lower back and holding my body tightly to his chest. I wrapped my arm gently around his neck, sub consciously remembering his injuries.
There was honestly, no better feeling then this, I couldn’t compare it to anything else. The explosion of pleasant feelings that went through my body was beyond description, the feel of his hands on my body and his chest against mine was heaven to me and the feel of his lips moving against mine was the best feeling in the world and I didn’t want it to end.
Soon we broke apart and I felt breathless, as if all the breath in my lungs had been sucked out of my body and I was gasping . Gerard was breathing heavily and his eyes where shining brightly. He looked so beautiful right now and all I wanted as to kiss him again.
Suddenly we both turned around realizing that his heart monitor was beating rapidly but gradually slowing down as Gerard got his breath back.
We both looked at each other and started laughing. He held my head up again and pressed his lips to mine once more and I quickly kissed him back. The kiss was short and sweet, but it was enough to get his heart beating rapidly. We broke apart again and I laughed, “Maybe we shouldn’t do that right now, the nurses might get worried.” I muttered making him laugh.
“I can’t help it.” he muttered, smiling as he stroked my cheek, “You’re so beautiful.”
I blushed scarlet, “And you don’t need to be afraid of that last thing either.” he added in.
“Why’s that?” I whispered.
He rolled his eyes fondly and kissed me again, “Because, I love you too.”