Gerard and I decided to take the first period of school hiding in the school bathrooms. Fancy right? I know. We spent the hour together talking about random things that generally came into our heads; just like we used to. Even after everything that had happened we were still best friends and I was entirely grateful for that if I had ended up losing him I don't know how I'd cope.
"Hey Frank did you know that Mikey has a girlfriend?"
"Um, no, when did this happen?" I was genuinelly intrigued, this was Mikey we were talking about. Timid, shy, tiny Mikey had got a girlfriend. Like, wow.
"I don't know but when I asked him about it this morning he went all red and was really embarressed it was so just oh my god."
"Wow. I never imagined that Mikey would get a girlfriend. I mean he's so shy and so unsure of himself. We need to meet her and soon we need to check her out see if she's Mikey material." He just nodded and mumbled an agreement. I could feel the silence and it was starting to get awkward but there was still one thing that was hanging over me and I couldn't for the life of me stop thinking about it. When the silence got so thick you could cut it with a knife I decided to voice the question that I craved the answer to, "But, Gee, what about your girlfriend?" His eyes lifted from the strap of his bag and rested on mine, I could see he was mentally chewing over the right answer to give me but then he got onto his knees and crawled forward taking both my hands into his and entining our fingers.
"I don't know. I mean, I don't want to hurt her but I also want to be with you, Frankie. I don't know I've known you forever and I assume by now that you know I like you..I'm just scared."
"Gee. I really don't know what to say because you know I hate her. I'm not going to lie to you. I hate her guts. She always seems to hang off you when I'm around like she's purposely dangling you in front of my face as a way of saying 'haha he's mine'. Jesus, she's just such a horrible person I don't see how or why you're with her." Gerard just sighed. He sighed, I was expecting a little more than that..
He brought his hands up to his face and leant his head on his knees, his dark hair shielding me from view. I felt terrible but it had to be said, the things she says when Gerard isn't looking or isn't around hurt a lot and t makes me so mad that she does it behind his back. I mean, she knows I'm his best friend and she knows that I will eventually have to tell Gerard about what she does. If she's going behind his back about that then what else is she doing without his knowledge?
I put my hand on his shoulder and gently squeezed and when he lifted his head up I was surprised to see two tear tracks running down his cheeks. "Gerard why are you crying? Please tell me.."
He shook his head and buried his head in his knees again, "It's just, I know how you feel about her and I know how she feels about you, she tells me everyday and I'm forced to sit there and listen. Christ, some of the things she says about you are terrible and I just want her to shut up because I hate it when people say things about you and she makes me sit there- I don't want to but when she does it, fuck, it's like she has some sort of super power or something. I'm so sorry, Frankie."
I wrapped my arms around his shoulders in an awkward hug shushing him with few words of encouragement and comfort, "Shh it's okay I don't care what she says about me it can't be any worse than the things they say about me normally, can it?" He just lifts up his head and looks up with sad eyes, "Right?" Gerard shakes his head.
"It's worse. I'm so sorry. She says these things that are just not true and they're horrible. I swear if I were a girl I would punch her."
"Why don't you break up with her? If theyre that bad? What does she say?"
"I'm scared to, I've never done it before..and she just slates you. She says how she hates you for the simplest things. She calls you names that are really insulting and she judges you even if you just smile at me and, do you remember when we came in here yesterday before homeroom and you showed me your stomach? When we walked off she said you were a 'fucking dirty queer' for trying to 'steal me'. I just hate this.." His sobbing picked up now and I felt a pang of sympathy in my heart for him having to deal with her, she sounds like a right piece of work. "I should have listened to you, Frankie. When we first got together you told me she was wrong for me and that she'd hurt me and you were right."
"Gee you gotta understand I only said those things because I didn't want to see you with anybody else but me, I was...am jealous."
"Why are you jealous? I've just told you I like you."
"I don't know I guess I'm jealous that you can hold her and kiss her and do things with her without being judged and stuff. Like, if you were with a guy you'd be judged and ridiculed for the smallest of things like holding his hand."
"I don't care."
"You don't? Why?"
"Because love doesn't have any limits and if you want to hold the hand of your love, you should be able to no matter of their gender. I mean, people are so closed minded these days it's ridiculous to think two people of the same gender can't love, y'know? Sometimes, I-I'm embarrassed to be part of the human race."
"I know how you feel, dude, I know how you feel."
After that we sat there in complete silence just thinking. It wasn't awkward at least it felt like a time that needed to be silent so both of us could get the idea of what may happen into our heads. The look on Gerard's face as he sat there staring at the ceiling changed vividly through his emotions as he thought. I took my lip ring into my mouth and started to tug slightly, absentmindedly. From the corner of his eye I could tell Gerard was looking at me and when he turned his face fully towards mind a look of courage and realization erupted on to his features.
"Frankie, I can't break up with Sarah."