FicWad

Being me is tough.

You would look at me now, and the thought wouldn't even occur to you that, at one point in life, I was doing amazing. I had friends racing to sit at my table, a wonderful boyfriend who treated me like a princess, and the whole world at my feet. I could do everything and all. I don't think you wanna hear about how wonderful my life once was, so I'll just get right to it. I'll begin at the very beginning.

It all started in 6th grade. I was the new girl, the low life, the nerd. I didn't look like a nerd, no, but what separated me from the rest is the fact that I didn't follow all of the fads. I didn't wear all of those fancy bows every girl had. I didn't have every girl dying to have my fashion taste. I was a loner. I had my own taste, my own thought of mind, my own dreams.

And that's what made me different. I didn't mind one bit. I loved being the different girl, even though that meant having no friends and no social life whatsoever. Let's skip ahead to the 10th grade.

I was in high school, and still had my own taste, my own independence, accompanied by a big bag full of misery. I still had no friends, and in high school, I had learned that if you ever want to make it in a godforsaken place like that one, you'll need them. Then, all of a sudden, it happened.

I came in one day in June with a new hat that my grandmother had bought me, and everyone was at my feet. People who I had known since 6th grade and have ignored me up to now rushed to sit at my table, asking me about where I had gotten my hat and how I became so cool. I usually wore a nice bow in my hair that everyone used to call "tacky", but no one noticed that I took of my bow. They were all fussing over my hat. Stupid, right? The next day, everyone was wearing that very same hat that my grandmother had gotten me.

And I was to blame.

This was the first of many fads I started. I started a sweater fad, a rubber band fad, even a nickname fad. I soon got a boyfriend, started hanging out with others. I felt like I was on a roll. Then, 12th grade happened.

I started studying, trying to get into a good college. Studying is outdated, I guess. I was no longer the "Popular Girl". The one that everyone came rushing to for advice, or the one that everyone wanted to be. I was back to a loser. Part of me was relieved. I didn't have to share my independence anymore. I didn't have to worry about what people would think of me. The other part was sad. I lost all of my friends, and even my boyfriend. What losers.

I was back to the loser with the bow.

I hardly cared. Senior year was almost over and I was almost out of there. The day I walked out of school was the day I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding since 6th grade.

After high school, I went to college. Being the "It" girl doesn't matter to me, even though college was similar to high school. I wasn't the one with the best fashion taste.

And, in a way, I am the "It" girl. Not in my office, of course, but in every school. In every single school, I'm the "It" girl. Want to know why? Because in every one of those schools, an "It" girl is wearing my hat, my sweater, my socks. In their magazines, their looking at my clothes with desire.

I guess it's funny, how the world works. How a loser can become a fashion designer, and "It" girl in every school, someone that everyone wants to be. Someone that they would come running to for fashion advice.

So, no. I may not have been the "It" girl in 6th grade, or for a very long time in high school, or even now. But I know that, at the end of the day, I'd take my bow over anything.

And even after 15 years, I can still go into a world full of hats and sweaters and nicknames, straighten my bow with a smirk, and be the Not-It "It" Girl. And do you know what the best part is?

I'm totally okay with it.