Based on a true story.
I arrive at the whiskey in no time at all. The bouncers aren’t on the doors yet, thank god. I stood out side and lit a cigarettes, I leaned against the dirty sicker and gum crusted wall outside, trying to make sense of my pathetic excuse for a life. ‘I mean, come on man. You’re 16, you are homeless, almost broke and instead of trying to make things better or trying to find a place to stay you’re at the slimiest place on the strip. Well done.’ My mind mocked me. ‘excuse me! I’m sorry but I’ve had some of the best times of my life in this place. And right now, I have nothing to lose so I am going to get wasted by my self tonight thank you’ I argued back, feeling slightly proud of myself. ‘no wonder your family don’t want you’ she replies coldly. I feel my eyes become heavy with tears again.. they begin to drip onto my cigarette.
”you gotta light, girl?”
my head snaps up to see a tall pale skinned boy, or man.. Judging by his size, but he had the eyes of a boy.
I pull my lighter from my back pocket and give it to him. Looking at the ground and feeling embarrassed because he caught me crying. I wiped my eyes with the back of my jacket, thanking god a had no make up on. I was still looking at the floor when he gave me the lighter back, I looked up as I slid the lighter back into my jeans and stole a glance at this guy that was now standing next to me. He had thin strawberry blonde hair that hung around his shoulders and a backwards baseball cap on. I look down again quickly incase I looked like a crazy stalker or something.
”Are you coming to the show?”
I looked up at him again, why did he care? Was he going to kill me or somehing? I laugh in my head at the thought. How could such a cutie kill someone? I think some stupid things sometimes man.
”Sure am, I’m guessing you are to?”
I try to sound as friendly as possible; I’m hardly a pro when it comes to small talk. I look up at the man with the boy eyes and see he’s smiling slightly ‘probably planning how he’s going to kill you’ my mind spat hatefully.
”I kind of have to be there, man. ”
”Oh, do you work here?”
”No,” he says dryly a smile flitting across his lips as he looks me up and down.
”So, why do you have to be here?” I snap irritably. Looking down at my cigarette and taking one last drag before I flick the butt across the sidewalk
”It’s my band.” He says blatantly.
I flush bright red and look down. I felt like an absolute idiot.
”Oh, guns n roses right?”
He nods his head and smiles. As if to say ‘ding ding! That’s the right answer!’ He looks away from me and I look down, embarrassed. I see him flick his cigarette to the floor and stand on it. He clears his throat, and I look up at him, he has his hands in his front pockets and is rocking back and forth on his heels, looking up at me through his eyelashes. He looks like a little boy.
I look into those boy eyes for a fraction of a second and then look down again.
”Well, I’ll hopefully see you inside, girl”
”Yeah, sure” I say, still not looking up.
I hear him turn and walk into the bar, ‘way to come across as a boring bitch’ my mind pipes up. I shake my head, sigh and walk into the whiskey.
It’s loud in here, It’s always loud in here, and this is why I love it, as I make my way through the bar, past all of the dirty old men and the wannabe rockers and the groupies, dripping between the legs in anticipation. The first band was setting up, I paid no attention. I was looking for the bathroom, I definitely need to sort my self out if I’m going to see Mr mystery band guy again. ‘ Wow! You really think you have a chance?’ my malicious side will not leave me alone tonight.
I push through dirty doors to walk into the bathroom, there is a couple more than making out against the mirrors and I think I can hear another in the stall at the end, the smell of stale urine, vomit and bodily fluids fresh and ancient, forces It’s way into my nostrils and I wrinkle my nose in disgust and walk over to the mirrors and smile to myself as I dig through my bag for my lipstick and mascara, the girl next to me who is now sitting on the sink with her back to the mirror and her legs wrapped around the waist of a topless mixed race or very light skinned black boy with black curls that fell down to his shoulders and hid his face. I looked way quckly and started applying my make up, trying to not look like some crazy bitch who just watches people have sex. My thoughts were rudely interrupted as the raven haired girl beside me let out a scream, I jumped and smudged my lipstick all over my face, I let out a little scream of my own. The curly haired boy looked up at me as he continued to thrust away at the whimpering girl and said,
A little more than creeped out I ignored him and stepped back to admire my face painting skills, I looked okay I smiled to myself. And pulled my hair from the tie and let it fall wild and relentless around my shoulders in all it’s sugary pink glory. I turned my back to the mirrors and walked out of the bathroom and back into the twilight zone. I walked to the bar and hopped on to a stool, kicking my legs childishly. The dark haired boy behind the bar came over to me straight away, ignoring other customers attempts to get his attention as he passed them.
”So, what can I get you?”
”A triple brandy, please” I said with my hand on my bag incase he needed to see ID. I had at least two of my fakes with me, but he didn’t ask, infact he had my drink ready in seconds and let his hand linger on mine a little too long for my liking. I swallowed my drink in a second, and liked my lips. I look toward the stage where the second band is starting their last song. I let my mind wander to the blonde boy with a childs eyes. His band, the headliners will be on soon. I try to think of what he does in the band.. a drummer, guitarist maybe? ‘what does it matter to you? You’re just a sad lonely girl sitting at the bar alone’ my mind pops up again unwanted. Just ignore, just ignore. I think to myself. Fighting the urge to put my head between my knees and scream uncontrollably. I am bought back to life by the club being plunged into silence and then a low hum of voices hangs in the air while the roadies set up the headliner. I call the bar guy over and order the same again. By the time I’m draning my glass of that lovely liquid again the roadies have disasapeared and the stage is dark and empty, an invisible buzz of excitement hung in the air of the club like thick fog or smoke and a few groupies gathered at the front let out screams that seemed of pleasure. Maybe these guys are bigger than I expected.. I look around me and see that the club is pretty full, not packed but there was enough people for a good time. The ferocious screams of the girls at the front of the stage signalled the arrival of the band as a shaggy haired California blonde stepped on stage and positioning himself behind the drums and causing the girls to scream more as he raises his hand above his head and shouts dirty things, he is followed by another blonde carrying a bass and a black haired boy with a guitar, and .. is that? Yes it is, Mr curls from the bathroom steps onstage with a guitar around his neck and a cigarette hanging from his lips. My mind flits back to Mr mystery, that only leaves one role,
The curly haired boy interrupts my thoughts again as he starts to play, making his guitar moan and wail as he did the girl in the bathroom and as I strain my eyes to see his fingers dancing up and down the fret board, I come to the conclusion that he is no doubt one of the best guitarists I have ever heard despite my slightly tainted view of him from the bathroom incident.
As the blonde I met outside strolls casually on to the stage the girls at the front let out their best throat shredding screams of desperation. My breath comes to a halt as I drink in the sight of him he is now shirtless and without his hat, his strawberry hair hangs in one big sexy tangle down to just past his shoulders, there is a faint sheen of sweat glistening on his naked torso, like he’d just run a marathon to get here. Gosh, he was hot.
He must have felt my eyes on him because he looked me in the eyes as he raised his hands above his head and all but bellowed the beginning of the song into the microphone,
”Do you know where you are? You’re in the jungle baby.”
My stomach felt as if it had dropped from my stomach, through the stool and the wooden floor beneath it and was still falling, as if a magnet in the centre of the earth was calling it. I watched in awe as Mr mystery led the band of shaggy haired boys on stage with a voice that made the club fall silent and charisma so devastating that I felt like I needed another drink. I felt a familiar but unwelcome tightening of the muscles deep in my stomach. Really, this guy is turning you on and they’ve barely started the first song? I asked myself. I shook my head at my thoughts and turned my back to the stage and ordererd another drink, the boy behind the bar takes a little longer than the last times but I take no notice of it, after all the bar is pretty packed. As he hands me my drink he lets his hand linger again, this makes me frown and causes him to chuckle, a dark chuckle,
”See you after the show” He says,
Huh? What a weirdo, I look away from the creepy bar guy and back to the stage, where the crowd is going crazy and dozens of arms reach up with a hope of touching one of the boys on stage. I think of how I pretty much ignored him outside and frown as I finish my drink in one swig. It tastes a little bitter in comparison to the two I had before. Hmm, maybe he ran out of the other kind and had to get some more I reassure myself. I turn my attention back to Mr mystery onstage as his snake hips sway to the heavy drum beat, once again causing my stomach to tighten. I sigh and look down. I put my glass on the bar and begin to walk to the bathroom. I feel eyes buring into my back as I walk away and I turn to see who is is and sure enough, It’s Mr creepy bar guy. He must think I’m trying to leave without paying my tab. I walk back into the bathroom and grimace as the foul smell of rebellious youth fills my nostrills again. Making me feel sick. I stumble over to the mirrors and look at myself, something is wrong, very wrong I think to myself as I observe the thin layer of sweat now masking my face, and my eyes have changed, my pupils have dilated to a scarily large size. I try to make sense of this situation. What is going on with me? I’ve only had a drink? No drugs, unless.. Oh my god. I’ve been spiked. I started to panic and make my way out of the bar. I feel my arms and legs become heavy as I slow my walking down I start to feel like I’m melting or the floor is slowly rising up to meet me Stay aware, you need to stay awake my mind screamed at me as I tried to calm my breathing I looked around me, only to find that my surroundings had blurred into lights and deafening music. I’m not going to make it to the door I sway toards the bar and haul myself on to the stool and rest my head against the cold hard and wet wood of the bar. Trying to force my breathing into a steady rhythm.
After a few minites I managed to calm my heartbeat. And tried to clear my mind, who? And then it hit me bar guy? Oh my gosh, I thought to myself. I need to get out of here. Now! I stand up and try to steady myself, when I feel steady I turn to find the door and all I find is creepy bar guy standing over me with a grin that wasn’t welcoming at all.
”You look a bit hazed, I’m taking you outside for air” he said, matter of factly.
I begin to panic as he takes my arm firmly and all but drags me to the door. I try to make sense of what’s happening to me, or what’s going to happen.
I twist and struggle to get free as he pulls me through the door and drags me down the filthy alley at the side of the whiskey,
”Please, let me go” I manage to slur
”No chance girly, we’re gonna have some fun” He laughed as he dragged me behind the bins and roughly pushed me onto the cold urine drenched sidewalk.
Then the full horror of what was about to happen sank in and I struggled in his grip while trying to kick him away, suddenly I felt his fist smash into the side of my face, I screamed as black spots dotted all over my already blurred vision this must have scared him as I felt his fist pound into my face again. Leaving everything black this time. I felt my head hit the floor and tried to get up but I couldn’t, he had me pinned to the floor and was tugging off my jeans. Oh god no
”Please no, please” I manage to wimper.
”Shut up, bitch” He snarls as he presses his arm against my windpipe and puts all of is weight against it, choking me. I feel myself passing out and try to struggle once more but fail. I can feel his erection pressing against my thigh. Oh my god, I am going to die.
‘Told you so.’ My mind mocks me.
”Hey! What the fuck are you doing?” I hear someone roar
but I don’t really hear it, it feels like I’m underwater, everything is black. All I can feel is a buring pain between my legs. And all I can hear is shouting, so much shouting, and something that sounds like fighting.
I am tired. So tired.
I give up fighting and let go, I welcomed the darkness.