Gerard is a counselor at a public high school. He sees a lot of bulling cases, but all of them kept a strong face when he called them into his office. And never did someone come in on their own for...
I filled out the pass for the girl who wanted a class change and handed it to the main office proctor. She looked at the room number and ran off, her proctor's badge gleaming in the light coming in the window.
Setting back, I looked over a few papers and filled out passes for later appointments in the day. After about five minutes past, there was a soft knock on my door. "Come in!" I answered.
I'd had this senior since she was a freshman. She'd always been a skinny little thing that ate like a bottomless pit and always had a bright expression on her face.
But this was the first time Id seen her all her senior year. She now had black hair that puffed out of the top of her head, black elbow length gloves, black and grey plaid skirt, black calf length boots, a black shirt under a black jacket and her whole color scheme was now lack where it had been pastels.
"Is everything okay Margret?" I asked as I looked at the computer and pulled up her name.
"Does it matter? You don't really care, you're only trying to make small talk because you feel awkward." She said in a sure toneless voice.
I blinked at her. "Which class do you want to get out of?" I let her comment slide. "I can give you a free period if it's a credit you don't need."
"I want to drop the kids class." She said, crossing her arms over her chest. "I hate little kids."
"But you signed up for that class." I said, remembering back at helping her find the entry class for child care.
"And now I want out of it." she said in that same toneless voice. I swallowed the lump in my throat.
"Are you okay? Really nothing sarcastic." I raised my hands in defeat. She glared at me from under her dark makeup. "I won't tell anyone." I stood and shut the door.
"And I don't trust anyone. Especially not teachers or school faculty." She spat.
I sighed and took off my name badge. I flipped over the name plate on my desk and undid my hair like I did at the end of every day. "Friend to friend then. You can call me Gerard." I smiled warmly at her. "What's up?" I asked, leaning forward.
The corners of her black makeup started to run down her cheeks. "Tell anyone and I will lose all faith in you for the rest of your life." she said, her voice cracking. I nodded.
"I changed my the way I looked because I was tired of looking at the ugly face in the mirror every day. I didn't want to see anything. I wanted to be blind. And this is a way to help me be blind, I guess." she shrugged. "I hate everything about myself. There's nothing I'm good at and I have no plans for after graduation. I don't even have a job or a car or a drivers licence." She said, the black lines getting thicker and thicker with each thing she added.
"And every time I try to do something, someone has to shit on me. No matter what, I get shit on. I might as well not even try anymore. There's no point.
I have no point to be here. There's nothing to keep me here." I bit my lip as her voice went calm again.
"So maybe move out of Jersey?" I asked, looking at her calmly. "If there's nothing here, maybe there will be somewhere else." she laughed brokenly.
"Yeah. Elsewhere. That's exactly where I should be." She grabbed a few tissues and wiped her eyes. "Thanks Gerard. Don't worry about the class thing." She stood up and left.
"Okay?" I shook my head slightly and fixed my hair back with my fingers.
~Three days later~
"Mr. Way!" three girls I recognized as Margret's friends burst into my office. "We can't get Margret on her cell or home phone!" They all yelled at the same time.
"She was being weird all day yesterday and the day before after she saw you. And now she won't answer any of our calls or texts." her best friend Annette said, her face red. "And she wasn't in the breezeway this morning."
The other two hand their phones in their phones in their hands, making calls and sending texts rapidly. "Call her mom or give us a pass to go check on her or something!" Annette cried, tears running freely down her red face.
"I'll take you to her house." I said, standing instantly as her words registered in my mind. I grabbed my keys. "Let me tell my secretary. Go down to the teacher's parking lot." I said quickly.
They nodded and ran out of the room. I followed closely. "Mrs. Brown, I have to take these three on a short trip. Please take messages for me while I'm away." I didn't wait for her to answer.
The girls were all clustered by a tree, still making frantic calls. "Come on." I said, trying to not show my panic. "Where's she live?" I asked, walking to my car.
They gave me the address about eight blocks away from the school. We all climbed into the car and I sped out of the lot, not bothering to slow at stop signs.
We reached her house in minutes. The girls were out of the doors before I'd even stopped. I parked as they ran to the front door and reached under a heavy looking pot.
They unlocked the door as I got out and ran over to them. "Margy?!" They called, fear in their voices. The three of them went to different places in the house. I had no clue where to go.
After five minutes of searching, there was a piercing scream from upstairs. All of us ran up to see what had happened.
I froze at the door. Annette was crumpled in front of it, sobbing into her hands. The other two were dialing 911.
And me. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. It was so horrible.
Margret was sitting at the piano with a gun in her mouth, her head resting against the keys. The sound of the keys humming still filled the air.
That means this happened not long ago. I walked over to her as I heard the sirens, looking for a note of some kind. What I saw made my stomach clench in horror.
The keys behind her head were splattered with blood and brains. I covered my mouth as a sob broke out of my chest. There was a piece of music setting on the holder in front of her.
I picked it up. "Elsewhere." I read the title as an all new lump choked me. I flipped the sheet over and saw her hand written note. She'd written the song as a bit of an opener, it seems.
Tears blinded me as I read her note.
I doubt anyone cares, so I don't know why I'm even writing this. But, to whoever found me like this, sorry I made such a big mess.
I can't even die in a pretty way. As for the song on the other side, I just had the idea in my head and decided to write it while I still had a brain.
I don't want anyone to act like I would have made a difference in this world. So don't go around crying like I was some famous person.
I was nobody. Born a nobody. Died a nobody.
At least I won't be taking up anymore space, huh mom? Now you can spend all your time focusing on your precious little son.
Maybe if your head wasn't so far up his ass, you would have noticed I stole dad's gun right out of the case and jipped school.
And if you hear or read any of this Gerard, I don't blame you. All you were was an ear that wasn't too busy complaining about classes or boys and let me talk. Thanks for that.
I'm not going to get shit on anymore.
I felt the room spinning around me. Men rushed around me, a blanket getting pulled over my shoulders and a tarp over Margret.
There were voices too. Asking me things. I answered, I guess, because they left me alone.
When I finally could focus, the song/note was being taken from my hand. "Can I keep that?" I asked, my heart squeezing.
"After it's been photographed, yes." the voice said. I nodded and settled back into the numb stage.
I can't believe she killed herself. I can't believe I didn't make that connection on my office three days ago.
"What kind of counselor am I?!" I cried, grabbing my head in my hands. This was messing me up big time.
"Who can I call?" I heard the voice asking me.
"Mikey Way..." I said, not so sure about anything any more.
Seconds later, Mikey was pulling me into his car, song in hand. "It'll be okay."
"No it won't." I shook my head. "I will never be okay now." I clutched the song to my chest.
Something random I guess. No idea why I wrote it or where it came from, but here it is. R+R if you want.
Or not. I don't really care.
Hugs and Plugs,