I stretched my legs out in front of me on the floor. Bert and I had been sitting on the floor just talking since I woke up this morning. In the back of my mind, I couldn’t stop thinking about the strangeness of it. He had kidnapped me, and brought me here against my will.
Nothing in this situation made sense. I shouldn’t be feeling sympathetic for Bert, but I was. If it wasn’t for some of the things Gerard did to him, he might not be so bad.
Sitting here, getting to know him, I was starting to see why Gerard fell for him in the first place. It was hard to believe, but there was definitely some kind of special connection between us.
“So, how did you two first meet?” I ate a few chips.
Bert shrugged, “It was at a party.” I could see a small smile playing at his lips as he remembered. Then all of a sudden he frowned. “It was one of my best friend’s birthday party, and we were playing truth or dare. I remember Gerard sitting directly across from me, his boyfriend was practically in his lap the whole time.”
He shook his head, “Anyway, he got dared to kiss me. And he did. Right in front of his boyfriend.”
I almost choked on my chips. I don’t know what kind of answer I had been expecting when I asked the question, but it definitely wasn’t that. It didn’t seem like something Gerard would do. If I would have been his boyfriend at the time, and I watched him kiss someone else just because someone dared him too, I would have lost it. Whether it was a joke or not, it wasn’t right.
“It was a terrible thing for him to do, and he should have left it there.” He shook his head, meeting my eyes. I could tell that he felt the same way I did. Even though this was the moment they first met, the moment they fell in love. Bert still knew Gerard should have never done that. “Him and his boyfriend left the room a little later and we could all hear them yelling. Then his boyfriend left, and Gerard stayed behind.”
“Later that night, Gerard was drunk, and he cornered me upstairs. And the rest was history.” He stood up, grabbing the bag of chips. “I don’t know if they ever officially broke up or not, but Gerard and I started dating a few weeks after that party.”
“That doesn’t sound like the Gerard I know. He would never do anything like that to me.”
He disappeared into the kitchen for a moment before walking back into the living room. He sat down on the couch and stared down at me. “I wouldn’t be so sure.” He leaned back against the couch. “I used to think the same thing. But I can’t even remember all the times I saw him flirting with other people.”
Just as I was starting to completely believe Bert, he said that. There was no way any of that could be true. Gerard Way wasn’t a cheater. He said so himself.
But what if he was? What if he’d been cheating on me this whole time and I didn’t even know.
That was impossible. If he was cheating on me, I would know.
There were always those late nights at the office... but as soon as he got home, he would make it up to me.
This was Gerard we were talking about. He wasn’t a cheater. Period. I can’t believe I doubted that even for a second.
“If I remember right, weren’t Gerard and I still together when he started dating you?” He almost looked smug. But I could see the sadness in his eyes. He really hated the idea that Gerard could love anyone other than him.
He was right. I hadn’t thought about that before. Gerard had technically still been dating Bert when he kissed me for the first time. And even after we got serious, he still hadn’t broken up with Bert until I stepped in. Maybe it wasn’t as hard to believe as I originally thought. Maybe Gerard was capable of cheating.
But that was in the past. We were married now. He’d changed. I was sure of it. So why did I have a bad feeling about all of this all of a sudden. I trusted Gerard... At least, I thought I did. Knowing some of the things I know now, has really changed how I see him.
I stood up, moving onto the couch. I sat down a little too close to Bert. Before I could scoot over, he put his hand on my knee. “You’ve become a friend to me over the past few days. the only reason I’m telling you any of this now is because I want you to get out while you still can. You’re way too good for Gerard. You deserve so much better.”
I turned toward him, our faces centimeters apart. “And what about you? Even if I did leave Gerard after this, why would you still go back to him?”
He sighed, “Because he’s exactly what I deserve. I deserve the pain that he puts me through because I’m a terrible person.”
I shook my head. “That’s not true. You’re not all bad. Even you deserve someone that really loves you.”
He looked away from me, trying to hide the reddening of his cheeks. “You don’t mean that.” He shook his head, “You can’t possibly mean that. Not after what I did to you.”
I scooted even closer to him on the couch. We were so close now, I was practically sitting in his lap. “I do mean that. Even though what you did was terrible, I know how much you hate yourself for it. And that says more about you than your actions.”
He chuckled, turning to face me again. I could see tears in his eyes, and it made me want to cry. Seeing him vulnerable like this was something else.
He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but shut it right away. We sat in silence staring into each others eyes for a long time. What I saw in his eyes scared me a little. Not because I thought he was going do something to hurt me, but because I could see how he felt about me.
I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel something for him too. It was wrong. I loved Gerard, but sitting in front of me was this amazingly broken person. All Bert needed was someone to love him. A part of me wanted to be that person.
Without realizing what I was doing, I leaned in ever closer to Bert. We were so close now that I could smell him. He smelled nothing like Gerard, just the opposite, actually. Gerard always smelled sweet, and sometimes like coffee. While Bert smelled like cigarettes.
My eyes closed and I just got lost in his scent. I felt his hand on my cheek, and then a second later I felt his lips brush against mine. It was barely a kiss, but it still made my heart beat fast.
Hesitantly, I grabbed his shoulder, my eyes fluttering open. Our eyes met for a second, before he leaned in to kiss me again. Just as our lips met, there was a knock at his door.