Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Story Reviews
Okay so this is going to follow suit to the previous review.
Summery: Frank's acting weird, Gerard's determined to get to the bottom of it, it's got a charming little twist at the end.
Good points: The spacing was really lovely paragraph wise and the plot twist at the end was unexpected which is always fun.
What needs to be improved: I would of said you could of carried this out a little longer, it's a very short story and I think it could have been something really funny and charming if you'd have made the reader more suspicious. The dialog at the end was a little unrealistic as were Gerard's reactions throughout the story.
How to do this: Put more detail into each paragraph and offer small hints throughout the story, conversations between band mates and Frank and more red herrings- EG Frank mentioning needles?- and a longer chase, Gerard could have reacted more to each scenario. As for the conversation at the end, take notice of the way you and your friends talk, the way the guys talk to one another in interviews, their habits etc. Most people say can't rather can cannot to their friends. I think you could have made a bigger deal of his real hobby and that would have been funny.
Other than that your grammar was pretty good and the plot line was interesting, I'll take a look at the other story you suggested in a separate chapter.
Hope this helps.
Summery: Frank's acting weird, Gerard's determined to get to the bottom of it, it's got a charming little twist at the end.
Good points: The spacing was really lovely paragraph wise and the plot twist at the end was unexpected which is always fun.
What needs to be improved: I would of said you could of carried this out a little longer, it's a very short story and I think it could have been something really funny and charming if you'd have made the reader more suspicious. The dialog at the end was a little unrealistic as were Gerard's reactions throughout the story.
How to do this: Put more detail into each paragraph and offer small hints throughout the story, conversations between band mates and Frank and more red herrings- EG Frank mentioning needles?- and a longer chase, Gerard could have reacted more to each scenario. As for the conversation at the end, take notice of the way you and your friends talk, the way the guys talk to one another in interviews, their habits etc. Most people say can't rather can cannot to their friends. I think you could have made a bigger deal of his real hobby and that would have been funny.
Other than that your grammar was pretty good and the plot line was interesting, I'll take a look at the other story you suggested in a separate chapter.
Hope this helps.
Sign up to rate and review this story