Their Hearts Don’t Beat Like Ours, They Burn ‘Cause They Are All Afraid When Mine Beats Twice As Hard0 reviews
"Just, just know I’m here for you.” he whispered, “And I’ll always love you no matter what.”
“You ready for this?”
I took a deep breath and nodded determinedly. Frank looked at me, eyes penetrating my own. I stared at him, taking in how beautiful his eyes were. I never really realized how beautiful they really were. A deep, coffee color brown with flecks of honey gold when the light hit, they looked like a lovely shade of russet and I felt myself falling in love with him all over again,
At first admittedly, I fell for his looks, the first day laid eyes on him. His unique hair and clothing style, his piercings and tattoos caught my attention, the height thing making him look cute and childish, but then I realized his slim figure, sharp jaw line and cheekbones, his lips. Then once I got to know him, I fell for his bright personality; childish, funny, smart, kind and confident. But now I could see behind his eyes the emotions that he felt, how deep they were….everything about him was just perfect.
Frank stared at me and I felt myself grow self conscious under his penetrating gaze and I ducked my head, letting my hair cover my eyes.
“Hey.” he forced my head up by my chin and I was forced to look into those devastating eyes again, “I’m here for you okay? The minute you feel a panic attack coming on or feel like you can’t cope just tell me and we can get outta here, kay?” Frank whispered to me, brushing my hair out of my face.
I nodded and Frank smiled at softly before pulling me into a kiss. I instantly responded, kissing him deeply and wrapping my arms around his waist bringing his body tightly to my chest. Frank put his arms around my neck, a hand running through my hair. I moaned slightly and he kissed me harder. I worked my lips furiously against his, my hand slipping top his ass, the other up his back beneath his shirt, feeling his warm soft skin, making him shiver. He bit down on my bottom lip, asking for entrance and I parted my lips slightly before he forced his tongue into my mouth. I moaned and he kissed me a bit more roughly before we broke apart for air.
“C’mon.” he muttered, lacing our hands together and, smiling, he brushed my hair out of my eyes again before running a callused finger along my jaw line, “Let’s go.”
“Yeah.” I muttered, letting Frank pull me gently towards the main corridor, “Let’s get this over with.”
We walked through the hallway and I tried my best to ignore the obvious stares and pointing, joined by the loud mutters and jeering laughter as I and Frank walked past and pushed our way through the crowd.
“Just ignore them babe, let em’ stare.” Frank said confidently, head held up high as he squeezed my hand tightly in reassurance.
Easier said then done I thought to myself though I couldn’t help but smile in amusement as Frank stuck his tongue out at a group of fifteen year olds who were staring, slack jawed at me. No doubt because of the over designed cast on my arm and my even more unusual resemblance to a vampire. The days in hospital and bed ridden plus not able to stomach anything or sleep properly had took a slight toll on me. I had lost a bit of weight and the lack of sleep had caused bruise like bags to appear beneath my eyes and my skin to look paler. Oh yeah I totally feel super hot right now. Note the sarcasm.
“Reason why people are staring is because they’re jealous that I’m going out with the sexiest and most talented guy they haven’t got a chance with.” Frank said confidently, before flipping off a bunch of teenagers a year below us.
I laughed slightly rolling my eyes then I flinched as I heard someone say in a loud, carrying voice, “Hey look everyone the suicide freak is back!”
“Oh great, I thought I would never see that pathetic excuse of a human before, just my day…you can tell it’s Monday…”
“What a fucking loser.”
“Yeah him and his loser of a boyfriend.”
I bit my lip and I glanced worriedly at Frank who looked rather pissed off. The further we went, the worse the muttering got. Why did my first class have to be in the gym department of all places today? Why?
“Heard he tried to kill himself…”
“guy can’t even top himself right…what a loser.”
“Oh god that they holding hands, that is gross! Ew fucking faggots.”
I felt bile rise up in my throat which surprised me; I hadn’t eaten anything to throw up. I had a rather horrible taste in my mouth, like acid and my stomach felt like it was in knots.
“Wonder if he’ll break down again…might brighten up my day knowing at least that fucker is worse off then me.”
“Yeah, need something to make me laugh.”
“Frank.” I muttered.
“Yeah honey what is it?” frank turned to look at me and concern instantly etched his face, “Honey what’s wrong?” he asked quickly.
“I, I think I’m gonna be sick.” I admitted, holding my stomach and breaking out in a cold sweat.
Frank paled, “Shit, come on!” he quickly pulled me back down the hallway, back downstairs and into the bathroom where I instantly ran into the nearest cubicle and threw up, just making it in time. Considering I had only drank enough coffee to put even star bucks out of business this morning, I was only dry retching, but I couldn’t not be sick.
Frank, bless him the sweetheart that he is, didn’t cringe as I retched hard enough to throw my organs up,
but kneeled down beside me and held my hair back and rubbed my back comfortingly, “It’s alright honey, I’m here, I got cha.” he murmured as I breathed heavily before retching again, “Take your time.” he added in.
After what felt like forever, I stopped and lay my head against the cubicle door. My throat ached and burned, my head was throbbing and I had a painful hollow feeling in my stomach. Sweat was also coating my body like a second skin, I felt light headed and blotches of color appeared in front of my eyes .
“Feeling dizzy hun?” Frank asked.
“Uh huh.” I said hoarsely; Frank smiled rather sympathetically, “I don’t know what the hell happened there, I felt fine ya know? But then I….” I trailed off not wanting to admit that the muttering had actually gotten to me.
“It’s okay, I don’t blame you, I would feel the same.” Frank admitted and I knew he understood what I meant.
Suddenly, he looked curiously around him, making me raise my eyebrows at him, “Frank…honey, what. The fuck are you doing?” I asked.
“Any smoke alarms in here by any chance?” he asked randomly, using the toilet as a lift up and actually peering over the cubicle to look around the bathroom.
“Nooooo.” I said slowly as he jumped back down, “Why exactly?” I asked wondering if he was planning on lighting a fire or something. I’ll be honest, as much as I love him, over time, I’ve learned he is one impulsive, random son of a bitch and I wouldn’t put that whole fire thing past him.
“Awesome.” he grinned like a maniac and pulled out his pack of cigarettes and lighter from his pocket, before smirking, “Wanna be a rebel and smoke in the school bathroom?” he asked suddenly over excited and pretty much bouncing on the spot.
I laughed at him, knowing full well he was being an idiot just to cheer me up.
“Yeah alright.” Anything to amuse him, plus I really needed one. I know smoking can kill you, but hey fuck it, I nearly had a death experience, am sure I can manage a good thirty odd years or so.
He grinned and randomly kissed me on the cheek, (see what I mean by impulsive and random? I got a feeling I’m gonna be saying that a lot today, he’s in one of those moods and Mikey and Ray don’t believe me when I say that he is) making me smile slightly before he popped a cigarette in my mouth-making me look at him weirdly may I add- and lit it up before lighting up his own.
I took a drag and exhaled, looking at him, “You. Are one severely deranged little kid you know that?” I asked him affectionately, grinning crookedly.
Frank, exhaled before sticking his tongue out at me making me laugh that high girly laugh that I do. Frank grinned as I laughed then made a rather stupid face at me, making me laugh harder. He continued to do this until I was ready to pass out from laughing and soon he joined in.
“Fucking hell Frankie what was that all about?” I choked out, wiping tears of laughter from my eyes.
He shrugged, still giggling, “Don’t know, but I’m glad no one else is in here.” he started giggling again, exhaling smoke as he did so.
“Why’s that?” I asked, reluctantly, in case what he said made me start another laughing fit.
“Well, we ‘re laughing like maniacs!” he choked out giggling that high pitched laugh again, “Think about it! They probably think we’re in here stoned smoking joints.”
I started laughing again as Frank continued, “Can you imagine what their faces would be like?” he asked; I didn’t need to reply-couldn’t reply as I started another laughing fit as he made a stupid face again.
We giggled like teenage girls, pulling random faces at one another, chain smoking as if it was our last day on earth. Though if it was our last day, I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t be spending it in a rather unhygienic boys bathroom in a shit hole called high school.
We soon calmed down and smoked what was probably fourth cigarette each in a comfortable silence, me staring at the marker covered door, though not really staring at it as I wasn’t focusing on it at all, but more on my own thoughts.
I looked away from the door, snapping out of my thoughts to look at Frank, “Hmm, what’s up?” I mumbled.
“You sure you want to do this babe?” he asked, looking at me with concern.
I looked at him in confusion, “Yeah, I mean why else would I be here for?”
“I know that but do you really want to do this? Or are you doing because you feel like you have to?” Frank asked.
I opened my mouth to reply, then closed it again, thinking over what he just said. Did I want to do this? Or did I have to do it? Sure a huge part of me wanted to see the faces on those pricks when they see me walk into class, to prove that even though I was beaten to an inch of my life (literally) I was still alive and kicking and wasn’t going to back down that easily. But was that what I really wanted to do? Or was that my pride and dignity just talking? Was I emotionally stable enough to come back, or would I just snap like before and take another breakdown which was ready to happen anyway?
There were so many questions running through my head, yet I didn’t have an answer to any. There was proof that I might not be able to handle it. I hadn’t even made it down a hallway before I felt anxious, had to run out of there and be sick with anxiety. What will happen if I do get to class and have to sit there, enduring more taunts, mocking and no doubt some physical abuse. Will I just run out of there too or just freak out again?
But I didn’t want to let Mikey, Ray, Gracie, Bert, Lyn-Z or my boyfriend down by hiding at home again. That would be proving my parents right that I couldn’t cope with being in a public school and would be better to getting home schooled and see a damn therapist. I also didn’t want to give those assholes the satisfaction that they had gotten to me.
I bit my lip, looking up as Frankie gripped my hand tightly in his, looking at me lovingly and I made my decision; I nodded firmly and Frank smiled slightly though I could still see worry and concern in his eyes.
“Okay if you’re sure babes.” he whispered.
“I’m sure.” I whispered back, “I’ve got to do this Frank, if I don’t, it’ll only get worse.”
Frank bit down on his lip ring and I felt guilty, making him worry like this. He sighed and smiled, “Okay, but promise me, you won’t force yourself to carry on if you can’t cope.” he pleaded with me, “I don’t want to see you getting hurt again Gee.” he said and I could see tears starting to form in his eyes.
“I won’t, that’s a promise I’m keeping.” I said firmly but softly as I reached over to wipe his tears away, caressing his cheek as I do so, “But this is something I both want and have to do no matter how insane it seems.”
Frank nodded, wiping his nose with the back of his hand, before taking my hand in his and giving me a watery smile, “Better face the music rather then skipping it.” he muttered standing up, my hand still in his.
I nodded, “Yeah and hopefully, it’s the final verse of this song.” I replied, “I don’t like this track much.” Frank leaned down and kissed me firmly and lovingly on the mouth, while pulling me up and wrapping an arm around my waist. I kissed back. It wasn’t rough, sloppy or heated, nor hungry. It was soft, slow, loving, deep and passionate; a kiss shared between two people deeply in love.
I gripped his hip with my left hand, and placed my bandaged, slightly injured hand on his cheek, running my fingers through his hair.
We soon broke the kiss for air and-as cliché as it sounds but it’s perfectly true-stared into each others eyes, arms and hands in the same position.
“Gerard, I love you so much.” Frank whispered, lightly running a tattooed finger along my lips.
“I love you too, Frankie and I always will.” I promised, tucking his hair behind his ear, “Nothing is gonna change that and I swear I won’t let anything or anyone hurt you.”
Might sound over dramatic, but sometimes…no matter how small a situation might be to others, to the ones involved it could be huge and moments like these are needed.
Frank smiled and leaned in and kissed me again lightly on the lips, “Just, just know I’m here for you.” he whispered, “And I’ll always love you no matter what.”