Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Bruised Memories

Call.

by davidthesquirrel 2 Reviews

"There were many possibilities that could have occurred, a lot of them not necessarily bad things."

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG - Genres: Angst,Drama - Characters: Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Ray Toro - Published: 2013/03/27 - Updated: 2013/03/27 - 2306 words

Reviews

  • Bruised Memories

    (#) timeywimey27 2013-03-28 12:05:21 PM

    I really love this, and the whole story. Great writing! xomikey

    Author's response

    thank you!! :D
  • Bruised Memories

    (#) dustyhalo 2013-04-05 01:29:54 PM

    It's really good! I do my research too, trust me, it helps lol. There's nothing worse than reading a story and going "Dude, wtf? That's so wrong!" Lol.
    The only bit of feedback I can give you is a liiiittle bit of tweaking of the grammar. Misspelling isn't major, so whatever. But when you're using speech marks like for an example:
    "I went to the doctor today," Said Mary. Make sure it's actually Mary that said that sentence when you put her name next to it. I noticed that in some of the sentences a line was said, and someone who was about to speak next was announced in the same line as the last one... Does that make sense? It's really fucking hard to explain. But if you get what I'm saying, coolio. If not, carry about your day, it's really late lol.

    Author's response

    thank you so much! usually people neglect to tell the author about the mistakes, and I've noticed that about myself too. what I really take into account is the use of commas and periods. for example:

    Sam looked at Dean and said,

    "I don't like your attitude." Dean said,

    "Deal with it, you son of a bitch."

    see, I mean I'm probably wrong and just not good at sentence structure, but in this case, Sam talked first, and Dean talked in response.

    I know it's not that great, but I agree, I should change how I place dialogue.

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